


Look to the West

by JLaLa



Series: Look to the West [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Complete, F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:15:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 64,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3914269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JLaLa/pseuds/JLaLa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Every day I wake up to her." Since his return from the 74th Hunger Games, Victor Peeta Mellark is haunted by his ally and friend, Prim Everdeen. But, why? And, what does it have to do with her twin sister, Katniss? Canon divergent. Everlark. COMPLETE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kings and Queens

This is kind of a new thing that I’m working on. I hope you enjoy.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Bear with me as there are some time changes in the chapter.

Look to the West

_Chapter One: Kings and Queens_

Every day I wake up to her.

She follows me through my day, scolding me about my morning breakfast of booze, through my lonely walks in the silent forest where we all used to play. Prim talks to me about Katniss, her twin sister, and about Gale, who can hardly look at me without wanting to lunge at me in anger.

I used to be the leader. As children, it was the four of us—Gale, Prim, Katniss, and me.

We never understood the difference between Merchant and Seam as children.

In the woods, we were all equal. Kings and Queens of the forest, each with a quadrant of our own.

I was the North, the guide. Gale was the South, calm and collected while Katniss and Prim made up the West and East, two opposites brought together in the middle.

It was appropriate as Katniss and Prim were as different as night and day despite being twins, fraternal ones. Katniss, lovely Katniss, with her stormy, penetrating eyes and then sweet Primrose, blue eyes so clear that you could read everything in them.

It was all so different as children.

“You’re talking to yourself again, Peeta,” Prim says as I sit in my lonely dining room. “And, you’re wasting your dinner.”

I’ve been picking at the squirrel stew for almost two hours. Nothing seems to fill the hollowness inside of me and it almost seems wasteful to waste such a good meal on such an empty vessel.

“I’m not hungry,” I manage to mumble back. “Why are you here?”

Prim shakes her head. “I don’t know. You tell me.”

“Maybe it’s because I’ve finally gone insane,” I reply. “Everyone seems to think so.”

She gives me a smile, dazzling in the dusty room of my large home in Victors' Village. “You’re just as sane as I am.”

“Prim, you’re dead,” I tell her. “Sanity means nothing to you.”

++++++

Maybe I should start from the beginning. It’s always the best part.

My name is Peeta Mellark. I am eighteen years old. I am from District 12.

I am the Victor of the 74th Hunger Games.

I only won because she let me.

Every night, I replay those memories from two years ago in my head.

The Reaping—that horrible, fucking Reaping that changed everything.

Did I expect my name to be called? No. I had the least amount of bids put in because of my Merchant status.

But, I accepted it with dignity.

Katniss, Gale, Prim, and me—we all prepared for this, should it happen. Just because we weren’t Careers, it didn’t mean that we couldn’t train ourselves to the best of our ability.

Since we were children, we would sneak into the woods behind the Seam. We would play our games, pretending to go into battle and learning our strengths and weaknesses from one another. Both Gale and I were strong though my dark-haired male companion had more combat skills due to having been in many fights before. Being a Seam child always made you the butt of the Merchant group’s jokes.

Katniss was a top-notch archer, so skilled that she could hit a squirrel right between the eyes. I often spent afternoons just watching her practice, admiring the taut toned muscle as she pulled her arm back to aim.

Prim was our healer, able to tell which plants would save you and which would kill you. She could make a splint out of sticks and bandages from leaves.

We were ready if any one of us was called.

We weren’t ready when it was _two_ of us.

I remember everything about that day. The even greater starkness of our District, the blinding colors of escort Effie Trinket’s outfit, and those sad, grey eyes staring up at me as I stood on the platform.

Effie usually called out the female Tribute’s names first but was momentarily distracted by Haymitch Abernathy, the lone Victor of District 12, nearly falling off his chair in a drunken stupor.

So, I was called first.

I remember Gale squeezing my shoulder, almost painfully, because of his shock.

Giving a brief nod, I accepted my fate and walked up to let Effie coo over my so-called handsome Merchant features.

Then, she was reaching into the glass bowl with names of the females of our district.

Clearing her throat as she unfolded the piece of paper, her posh Capitol accent said the name that none of us expected:

“Katniss Everdeen.”

God, not her. Why her?

Katniss, proud and pretty in her mother’s blue dress, stepped out of from where she stood and began to walk towards me, her eyes full of tears.

“I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!”

Prim, suddenly closer to the stage, stepped in front of her sister and her eyes went to mine. She turned to Katniss, speaking to her briefly and kissing her forehead before walking up to join me. Gale collected a hysterically sobbing Katniss, practically carrying her back to her spot in the crowd.

“Our first volunteer,” Effie said into the microphone in stunned disbelief. “What is your name, my dear?”

“Primrose Everdeen,” my friend responded in a strong, clear voice.

“And, I’m guessing that young lady was your sister,” Effie continued.

Prim’s voice caught as she responded, “Yes, my twin sister.”

++++++

The next morning I wake up to a knock on my door.

I don’t sleep in any of the bedrooms, instead opting to pass out after my whiskey dessert in the living room.

The fire I created last night had since burnt out.

This morning, Prim is not with me and I let out a small sigh of relief.

Maybe today will be a day of no memories. Today, I can let myself fall into a drunken stupor and pass out in a dreamless sleep.

Going to the door, I see a bag on the porch.

Looking inside, there lies a wild turkey.

“The girl dropped it off,” a voice yells out at me.

I look across at the house opposite of mine to Haymitch Abernathy, Prim and my former mentor.

He used to be the town drunk until I took over.

The day that Prim died was the day he sobered up.

I nod as I peer into the bag at the lifeless creature. What a waste of good meat.

“You should invite Haymitch over.” I whip around to see Prim sitting on the stairs in the simple white dress that she wore for her interview with Caesar Flickerman. The goal was to make her look pure—the beacon in the greyness of District 12. “He gets so sad sometimes.”

I close the door behind me, ignoring Haymitch’s calls of concern. “We’re all a little sad.”

Prim peeks into the bag that I’ve left at the door. “Katniss still remembers your favorite.”

“It does her little good,” I reply to her sister. “She should be worrying about other things. Like what’s going to happen to her and your mother.”

“Have you ever thought of asking her?” Prim responds, hardness in her voice. “She’s only eighteen, Peeta, and she has very little options. Not like you.”

“What do I have here?” I spit out at her in anger. “An empty house, lots of booze, and the ghost of one of my best friends!”

“You have a chance to change things!” Prim yells back. “You have a chance to help her! To help me!”

“How the fuck could I help you?” I ask her as I crumble against the stairs next to her. “I couldn’t help you before.”

++++++

“Peeta. What are you thinking about?”

In the dark cave, I turn to Prim, who is lying next to me.

Her blue eyes have faded in exhaustion as it has been days since we’ve been able to hunt for food. The Gamemakers have decided to let a windy, torrential rain fall through the arena.

There is no way for either of us to hunt as all animals have gone into hiding from the wet weather.

“How I want to see the stars,” I tell her and swallow the hunger in my empty belly. “It’s been so long since we’ve seen real sky.”

“North Star.” Her nickname for me. “What direction are you looking in?”

“The West. Always the West,” I tell her and she grips my hand painfully in agreement.

“Look to the West,” she says quietly, her head falling against my shoulder as she tries to hide her tears from the cameras. “ _Makidada…_ ”

“What does that mean?” I ask her as I meet her eyes. I search my memories for the one other moment that I’ve heard the word from her mouth.

“Never you mind, Peeta,” Prim tells me. “Now go to sleep.”

++++++

On Saturdays, I help my father in our bakery. My brothers work the front counter as no one wants to see the Mellark recluse. My own mother can hardly stand to look at me, even more so now.

She had doted on Prim as a lot of people had.

And, like a lot of other people, she blames me for her death.

“Gently, Peeta,” my father guides me softly. “Knead gently.”

I look up from the dough I’m working on and give him a smile that can’t quite reach my ears. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Have you been sleeping?” he asks in concern.

“No, Mr. Mellark.” I jump when Prim’s voice suddenly echoes in the quiet kitchen. “He has nothing but nightmares.”

“Be quiet,” I hiss at her and my father’s eyes widen at my outburst. “Sorry, Dad. I’ve been trying to.”

“Well, keep trying,” he responds in uncertainty before going to check one of the ovens.

“Peeta, can you look for Katniss?” Prim asks anxiously. “I mean, it’s the one day that you actually come to town.”

“No,” I tell her quickly as I make sure that my Dad isn’t looking. “I have to work.”

“Go on a break,” she urges. “You need one. Go check on her.”

I shake my head sharply once. “No.”

She throws flour at my face and I sneeze.

“Peeta, do you need to step outside?” Dad asks anxiously.

Her mouth is at the side of my head. “Say yes…say yes…”

“Okay yes!” I shout.

The dough I’m working on is now over-kneaded.

I look over at my Dad who is gripping the bottom of his apron, a tense expression on his weary face.

“I’ll be back,” I mumble and rush out the door before he can respond.

++++++

As I head over to the Seam, I pass the Justice Building and cringe at the foreboding structure. I can almost see my younger self and Prim, hands joined, as we hold up the District 12 sign, our three middle fingers up as we bid goodbye to our home for what might have been forever.

How brave we thought we were.

The Seam is close to the forest where we used to play and I watch Prim wander over to the boundary.

“Look, Peeta,” she says to me and points at the broken part of the fence. “I bet that Katniss and Gale still hunt together.”

I look down at my feet, not wanting anyone to see me talking to nothing. “It’s most likely just Katniss. Gale is working in the mines now.”

Prim’s smile falters as she joins my side. “He never wanted to be underground.”

Turning to her, I give her a half-smile. “We are all doing things that we don’t want to do, Prim.”

“What are you doing?” Prim asks crossly.

“Breathing,” I respond before stopping in front of the Everdeen house.

Prim rushes over to the pen at the side of the house to see if Lady, her goat, is still around as I knock tentatively on the weathered door.

For a moment, no one comes to it and I wonder if Katniss has decided, like everyone else, to shun me.

When Prim returns, there’s a shuffle behind the door.

Slowly as it opens, I see nothing but large, almond-shaped grey eyes and hanging raven hair in front of me.

My breath catches in my throat because even though she is only a half-life of her former self, Katniss is still as beautiful as I remember.

“Peeta?”

Katniss emerges out of her house and approaches me, her father’s olive coat wrapped around her gaunt frame. Looking around nervously to make sure that no one is around, she takes my hand to pull me around to the back of the house.

Her hand is warm and soft though I can feel that bit of roughness on her index and middle fingers from shooting. It’s the first time in a while that anyone has touched me willingly and what is left of my broken spirit craves the contact.

Prim follows us, her eyes glued to her sister. “She’s grown much more beautiful—but her eyes…I don’t see my sister in them anymore.”

“What am I supposed to say?” I ask under my breath so Katniss doesn’t hear me.

Katniss leads me over to Lady’s pen and I’m surprised to see Prim’s precious goat still alive. Something in me thought that Katniss might have sold her away because it would be too painful to see her.

Prim looks at me in confusion. “I don’t know.” She looks down at her hands. “I know that I needed to tell her something...” I watch her approach Katniss who nervously pulls out chairs for us to sit on. “I miss her so much.”

“Me, too,” I find myself saying.

Katniss turns to me as she sits down. “What?”

“Uh…” I search my mind uneasily as years of hiding away from people have left me unable to speak properly. “…I missed you.”

“Oh.” Katniss looks down at her trembling hands before meeting my eyes. “I hope that you’re getting the meat I’ve been leaving. Your brothers tell me that you’re nothing but skin and bones. By the looks of you, it’s true.”

I didn’t realize how thin my skin has become. I’m practically translucent—a living ghost, really.

“I didn’t know that you checked up on me,” I say quietly.

“It’s what Prim would have wanted me to do,” Katniss responded, her voice suddenly breaking. My hand itches to take hers, to bring her the small comfort that her short touch gave me, but I hold back.

I’m too scared; it hurt to be rejected by the people of District 12.

Being rejected by her would break me completely.

“I should have checked on you,” I apologize. “I should have told you about those last few days—”

Katniss shoots up in her seat. “No…” I can hear the sob in her voice as she turns away. “…you were heartbroken…you lost the person that you loved the most…”

I jump from my chair. “No!”

Prim watches, her eyes fleeting between us. She used to do this when we were kids.

It’s how she realized my secret.

My hand shakily goes to Katniss’ back and I realize how she, herself, is as thin as a rail.

“No,” I respond, my voice tight. “You lost the person that you loved the most—”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Gale Hawthorne suddenly stands in front of us—tall, strong, and radiating a burning hate for me in his stone-colored eyes.

“Oh gosh, Gale has gotten so big,” Prim whispers next to me. “I guess even in the darkness, you can grow…”

I try to suppress a smile but Gale catches it anyway. “You think that it’s funny? There you are living in that fancy house while the rest of us suffer. While Katniss and her mother struggle to make ends meet! Do you feel good taking food from a family because your brothers are going around saying that you’ve gone off the deep end?”

He is standing over me and though I know I should be scared, I’ve always been expecting this, in a way.

Gale resented me for so many things. He never liked being the South to my North though he brushed it off. He also hated that despite his brute strength, I found ways to overpower him when we sparred.

We were just boys then.

Now we’re men and as always, I accept his challenge.

“Gale, leave him alone,” Katniss protests as she stands in front of me, “He just came to thank me—”

“Took him long enough.” Gale walks past her and to me. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Prim is looking at him in disbelief. “Why is he like this?”

“Because he’s hates me for taking you away,” I tell her without even thinking.

Gale stops and looks around. “Who are you talking to?”

“It’s not important,” I respond and look him in the eyes. I remove my simple overcoat and Katniss gasps. Obviously, I have not been carrying sacks of flour like I used to. I know how emaciated I look but I’ve never let Gale scare me—and I’m not about to start. “You want to hit me then do it.”

Prim puts her hands up. “Peeta, don’t!”

Katniss is rushing towards us. “Gale, don’t!”

The sharp pain to my head comes quickly and as I hit the ground, I hear a loud snap through my body.

Then, it all goes black.

++++++

Rue is dead. So is her partner, Thresh—and now the last of the Careers, Cato.

Mutts chased us to the Cornucopia.

Horrible mutts with the eyes of our fellow Tributes. The thought shakes my insides.

Especially the thought of the one with Rue’s deep brown eyes.

We had befriended the young girl during my supposed alliance with the Careers.

Prim and I had planned it all along. The best way to kill them off was to start from the inside. We didn’t expect the pretty little girl from District 11 to keep such close eyes on us, and to help Prim cut down the Tracker Jacker hive that took down Glimmer, the District 1 female Tribute.

I had already been running out to our meeting place by the time the hive hit the ground.

We spent two days with Rue, telling her about our life in District 12—of Gale, of Katniss, and how we were the Kings and Queens of the forest.

On the last day, when I had destroyed the Careers’ supplies and Prim had stabbed Clove from District 2 during a fight, we made Rue our very own Princess.

Marvel, Glimmer’s counterpart, had found the little girl, sending a spear through her stomach as she waited in our meeting spot.

I had arrived too late but I sent an arrow to his chest. It is still the only kill that I feel good about.

Prim had lost it, screaming into the air as she cradled Rue in her arms.

I still see her blood-stained hands when I close my eyes. Prim’s creamy skin had never been tainted. She had always been the neat one. Katniss had always been the one who enjoyed running through the mud with me.

“We have to clean her up before they take her,” I whispered in her ear. “Give her some dignity. Let her District know that she didn’t die in vain.”

Nodding frantically, Prim wiped her tears away as she gently laid Rue down in the grass. Together, we fixed her hair and zipped up her jacket so her wound was unseen. I made sure that her shoes were properly tied.

When Prim disappeared, I gathered wildflowers for Rue to hold.

Placing them in her small hands, I leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Watch over us, Princess.”

Prim is suddenly next to me, a small daisy chain crown in her hands.

Carefully, she placed it on Rue’s head and together, we stand up to embrace each other.

“I’m so tired, Peeta…” Prim’s sobs shake me to the core.

“No.” I take her face in my hands. “Remember. Look to the West.”

“R-R-Right,” she agreed shakily. “And, we’re the only ones left except for Cato and Thresh.”

We left then, but not before holding up the District 12 sign, knowing that Rue’s family could see us.

Now, as I help Prim down from the Cornucopia, I look around and wait for the announcement to declare us winners of the 74th Hunger Games.

But, instead—

_“Attention, remaining Tributes—the previous rule…has been revoked. There can only be one Victor. Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favor.”_

Prim and I look to one another. I almost want to laugh at the absurdity and cruelty of it all.

I take Prim’s hand and placed within it the dagger that she used to kill Clove.

“Just like we practiced,” I tell her as I put the knife to my carotid artery. “We knew that this might happen.”

Prim nods, her eyes intent. I know she doesn’t want to, but we have a plan.

I’m sticking to it.

“It doesn’t have to be this way.”

“Yes, it does,” I assure her. “It’s okay.” I breathe deeply and feel the blade against my skin. “Always—remember?”

“I remember,” she says in a soft voice. “Close your eyes, Peeta.”

Closing my eyes, I feel a peaceful calm come over me and embrace the thought that I’ll be somewhere watching over her.

Maybe one day, she’ll even name her son after me.

Death doesn’t come, however.

Instead of blood filling my throat, I taste warm salted tears against my lips and I open my eyes panicked to see that Prim has dropped the dagger at my feet.

Pulling away quickly, Prim stares at me, a blue smile on her pink lips. “I’ve never been kissed before.” She looks up at the fake arena sky. “I’m sorry!”

Then that word again—it comes out in single breath.

“ _Makidada…_ ”

Her hand reaches into the pocket of her jacket and she pulls out a handful of dark, round berries.

Her eyes meet mine and Prim gives me a tear-filled smile. “Peeta…”

I rush towards her. “PRIM, NO—”

But, she swallows the berries in one gulp and the cannon sounds as Prim falls to the ground.

This wasn’t part of the plan. We had a plan.

I’m reaching for her, pressing her mouth to mine, and trying to breathe life back to her lifeless body.

Or, maybe I’m trying to take the little bit of nightlock that might be left against her lips…

All I know is that as Claudius Templesmith announces my name and declares that I am now the Victor of the 74th Hunger Games, I am clinging onto the body of one of my best friends before Peacekeepers pull me away to sedate me.

* * *

 

Since I’m sure you’re curious, the word ‘Makidada’ roughly translates to ‘little sister’ in Swahili.

We’ll learn about that in a later part of the story.

No, there was never a thing between Prim and Peeta. I’m sure you’re wondering about that, too.

As always, feedback is always welcomed.

I will see you in the next chapter.

-JLaLa


	2. War Wounds

Thank you for your wonderful reviews, follows, favorites, and kudos—they mean so much to me!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Two: War Wounds_

“Peeta, what are you doing up here?”

Hastily, I wipe my eyes as Prim sits next to me in the alcove. She looks out at the strange buildings that surround the Tribute Center before turning back to me, her blue eyes laced with concern.

“I’m fine,” I tell her in a trembling voice. “Other than the fact that tomorrow, one of us might die—I’m fine.”

“You can’t lie to me, Peeta,” she responds as she wraps the angora sweater that she wears over her nightgown around her slender frame. “We’ve known for a long time that this would happen and we prepared for it. There’s something else.”

The Capitol makeover for her was slight: an eyelash enhancer, a scrub down to take off the District 12 grime that was supposedly all over her, and from what she told me, a very painful wax in places that she’s sure no one will ever see.

Prim outwardly has had very little changes happen to her.

However, there’s a hardness in her eyes that has come from a grueling series of interviews, trainings, and review sessions with the Gamemakers. We both did well during our individual time with the Capitol crowd, both of us getting an 8—a superior ranking for District 12.

Prim struggled during her interview with Caesar Flickerman. She is shyer than Katniss, but just as charming. However, Caesar was unable to pull that side out of her. Only once when he talked about how she had volunteered for Katniss did I see any semblance of emotion.

Prim glowed when she talked about Katniss. How skilled her twin was in archery and how she had a beautiful voice.

How Prim missed hearing her sing.

After the interview, I let her cry against me in our sitting room as Haymitch and Effie watched from the doorway. Our escort cooed over Prim, telling her that tears would only cause wrinkles on her pretty face.

It was Haymitch who pointed out that there was a chance that neither of us had to worry about wrinkles.

I sigh before meeting her eyes. “I never got to say goodbye. Not the way I wanted to. I never told Ka—”

“Don’t say her name,” Prim warns as she looks at the high ceiling around us. “Haymitch says that the walls have ears…”

“What?” I say in disbelief.

“How do you think that they knew to punish him by killing off his family? His girlfriend?” Prim gazes around cagily. “If they know how important she is to you, they will use it to break you.”

But, _she_ is important to Prim, too. “And, you?”

“We will worry about that if it comes down to it,” she replies hastily and then gives me an encouraging smile. “So, you didn’t say what you wanted to say? I guess it would be difficult to pour your heart out…even though you had many opportunities.”

I blush under her penetrating stare. “Was I that obvious?”

“Only to those who sat down and really observed,” Prim tells me with a grin. “I always watched you two since we were kids. One day, that look in your eyes changed. I knew then that a light had switched on in your head. You realized what I knew all along.”

“That I love her,” I finally admit out loud.

How unfair is it to know something with such certainty and yet never have the opportunity to share it. The thought causes my chest to constrict and I begin to heave under the pressure of it all.

Then, Prim is pulling me close and letting me cry softly against her.

“Listen to me,” she whispers into my ear. “She will know. One way or another.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“You and I have a plan,” Prim reminds me as we pull away. “Follow through and we will stay alive as long as we can. And, if you go back home, you can tell her…and if I make it back home, then I will tell her for you.”

I nod after a moment. “I’ll protect you, Prim. Till my last breath.”

Her eyes fill with tears. “I’ll do the same, North Star.”

++++++

My eyes open slowly and I see Prim staring down at me, her eyes full of worry.

For a moment, I think that we are still in the enclosed rooftop of the Tribute Center and she is singing me to sleep.

After our talk that night, Prim let me lay my head on her lap and sang the tune that Katniss always did whenever she climbed the trees of our forest kingdom. My fondest memories are of leaves falling around me as I lay out in the woods and watched her stealthy form expertly ascend a tree.

“Peeta!” Prim brightens seeing that I’m conscious. “I was so worried!” She looks around the dim room, the only light coming from the fading fire in the hearth. “You’re inside my house, on our kitchen table.”

When I turn my head, a blinding pain hits my eyes and I let out a small groan.

“Oh no! I forgot to mention that you have a pretty bad bump on your head,” Prim tells me. “Mom and Katniss got you wrapped up quickly but you’re going to have a headache for a few days. Also, after Gale hit you, you fell and hit a rock on the ground which broke two ribs.”

Gingerly, I reach to feel my wrapped rib cage.

This is going to be an excruciating few weeks. I hope I have enough alcohol to help shake it off.

“What time is it?” I ask quietly.

“Well past midnight,” Prim says and then nods her head over to my other side. “Look.”

Moving slowly, I turn and find Katniss’ head against the table, her hand over mine as she slumbers.

No wonder I slept so peacefully. It is because she is with me—my Westward Queen.

“My mother is already asleep,” Prim informs me. “Katniss made sure that she was before coming to check on you.” My friend grins at me, a glint in her eyes. “She smelled you, you know.”

My cheeks immediately burn. “What?”

“She leaned forward towards your neck, closed her eyes, and inhaled.”

“Oh God—” Embarrassed, my gaze goes to her once more and carefully I turn to really get a good look at her, observing her dark circles and ashen skin. “—she looks like she hasn’t slept in months.”

“I don’t think she has,” Prim responds unhappily. “I think it’s hard to sleep in our bed.” Her eyes go to the small mattress next to the front window. “She moved around a lot before finally getting up. Also, I’m sure that it’s hard to snooze when the Victor of the 74th Hunger Games is sleeping on your table.”

Slowly, I push myself up and try to ignore the pain radiating through my body. I know that I can’t stay in this house for long.

If anyone were to see me here during the day, it would do the Everdeens no good.

It would be best if I was gone.

Carefully, I move Katniss’ hand off of mine and move off the table. My body feels heavier due the bindings but I manage to straighten myself.

“Mama was upset about Katniss talking to you,” Prim tells me softly. She kneels before her sister, her hand just barely touching her twin’s dark hair. “But, Katniss begged her to help you. Something I’ve never seen her do.”

I gaze at my slumbering friend and finding my overcoat hanging by the door, I reached into the pocket and pull out a few coins to place on the table. Then, I place my coat over her sleeping body.

But, not before leaning forward, closing my eyes, and taking a deep inhale.

She smells of warm orange sunsets, of nights under the stars, and of freedom.

All the things I dreamt of in the Arena.

++++++

Now that I’m hurt, I can’t sleep on the floor of the living room. I relent and settle for one of my dusty bedrooms.

It took me nearly an hour to get to Victors’ Village since I had to stop every once in a while to rest. When I finally did walk through the archway entrance of the neighborhood, I was surprised to find Haymitch waiting for me on my porch.

He remained silent, asking no questions, as he helped me into the house and got me up to one of the bedrooms.

Only as Haymitch stood at the bedroom door did he finally speak.

“I’ll send someone to help,” he informs me in a quiet, constrained voice.

I realize how much I’ve probably hurt the man.

After Prim’s death, I pushed him away—angry that he couldn’t get more sponsors to help us, angry that he didn’t give us enough advice, and angry that he didn’t just let me die like I begged.

“Thanks, Haymitch,” I find myself saying into the dark room.

The older man doesn’t respond, only leaving the door slightly open. I can hear him go into one of the other rooms to sleep. I know that Haymitch realizes that no one will want to take care of me, so he will undertake the burden.

I feel a sudden warmth fill my chest at the thought of being cared about.

++++++

My return to District 12 was not a welcome one.

I was severely sedated and to Effie’s dismay, there was no welcome ceremony for me. My welcome consisted of a Peacekeeper-protected walk through the town as I went home to collect my things.

My father hugged me tightly as did my brothers upon my return.

But, my mother…she took one look at me and turned away.

“You let that Seam girl take her own life for you,” she spat out. “Everyone knows that you broke her heart and that’s why she did it. Her friend, the dark-haired Seam boy, has been going around saying that you led her on. All those times alone in the woods…what were you two doing?”

“Nothing…” I manage to mumble at her. “…we were innocent. I was innocent.”

I’m not anymore.

Something dark has taken over my spirit, turning my thoughts topsy-turvy, and my moods have varied between deliriously angry to deep despair. All of this has taken over my weak body and even weaker spirit.

“Then, why is she dead? Why are you alive?” my mother responds.

“Enough,” my father interjects. He hands my bag to one of the Peacekeepers before placing his hands on my shoulders. “Welcome home, Peeta.”

However, District 12 isn’t my home. And, none of this feels right.

My own skin doesn’t even feel like my skin.

When I walk out of the bakery, I find Haymitch waiting outside the door.

Many of the townspeople have gathered outside to watch me walk to my new home. I see it all on their faces: their anger, their hurt, their repulsion.

I am the reason that the proclaimed ‘Beacon of District 12’ is gone. It was how they sold Prim, as this perfect, shining example for her poor District. The beautiful Seam girl with Merchant looks, showing the world that not all of District 12 is full of darkness and dust.

There was purity in our town.

Prim was the epitome of it.

Suddenly, it’s as if I know that Katniss is there.

Because when I look up, I see her staring at me through those bloodshot grey eyes.

Beside her is Gale and it is clear what he feels for me—nothing but hatred.

No one knew how he felt; I doubt Prim did.

Now he would never have the chance to tell her.

What’s worst is that I had taken Prim’s first and last kiss. The one thing that Gale had coveted most of all.

Katniss’ eyes, however, reflect an incomprehensible sadness. Not just for her sister, but for me as well. How could she still feel anything but hate for me after everything I’ve put her through?

I can barely hold my head up by the time we reach Victors’ Village.

Haymitch guides me to the house across from his and opens the door. The house is pristine, furnished beautifully, and is everything that I’ve ever wanted in a home.

At that moment, it was nothing but a prison.

++++++

My eyes open at the sunlight coming through my thin curtains.

“The beds are so comfy.” Prim is lying next to me, her arms swinging out against the sheets. “Why do you not sleep here?”

“Why should I sleep up here?” I ask her as I turn my head to look at her. “This wasn’t even supposed to be my house. It was supposed to be yours.”

“No, I would never have a house like this,” she responds with a scoff. “My house would be brighter and full of paintings. I’d even put a piano in the living room for Katniss to learn to play on and I’d make her a shooting range in the backyard. Mama would have that large kitchen to cook in and you would have a large studio to paint like you used to.”

I smile softly at the image of her dream home. “What about Gale?”

“He would have the front porch so he could sit next to me,” Prim says after a moment. There’s no sadness in her voice—more wistfulness, if anything.

“Did you like him?”

Prim shrugs. “I think I might have. My feelings come and go when it comes to the past.” Her bright blues look to me in contemplation. “Whatever I felt was nothing in comparison to what you and Katniss felt.”

We go silent for a moment.

Looking over to the open door, I wonder if Haymitch is still here—and if he’s heard me talking to myself.

“Is Haymitch still here?” I suddenly whisper to Prim.

“No. He left about an hour ago.” She leans close to my face. “Why are you whispering?”

It’s strange seeing Prim this close up. Even though I know she’s dead, her pupils dilate to adjust to the light of the room and I can still feel her warm exhale against my skin.

Prim is a breath away from actually being alive and real.

“Because I know that I’m eccentric but I don’t know if I want Haymitch to know that,” I tell her. My hand goes to my head and I bristle at the ache. “Oh, this is going to be tough.”

However, I manage to sit up and carefully change the clothes on my bottom half as Prim waits outside.

Finally, I walk down the stairs, already exhausted by the simple chore of dressing.

There’s a knock on my door as I reached the bottom of the stairs and warily, I approach it.

It better not be Gale trying to beat me up again.

I’d likely lie down on the floor and just let him finish me off.

When I finally open it, I almost keel over in shock.

Because, Katniss is standing before me.

++++++

She looks around the messy living room, her eyes moving along the walls and reflecting over the house that might’ve been her sister’s—if I hadn’t survived.

“It’s nice,” Katniss finally says to me.

“I haven’t really done anything to it,” I respond as I sit down on the couch. My ribs have begun to ache and so I let her explore the house in oppose to giving her a tour.

Prim trails behind her sister, saying how much taller she is, and how long her hair has gotten.

“She’s even grown breasts!” She reports excitedly. “We were both worried that they would never come in!”

“No need to worry now,” I reply under my breath.

In her white cotton shirt and fitted pants, Katniss’ slender feminine body is displayed beautifully. I can’t help but stare as she looks around the dirty room.

“Haymitch said that I would have a lot of work cut for me,” Katniss finally says. “He’s right.”

I sit up. “What?”

“Haymitch asked me to take care of you while your injuries healed.” She gives me a careful smile. “And, I agreed.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” I assure her. “I can take care of myself. Plus, it’s a long walk from the Seam to Victors’ Village and reverse. I can’t have you doing that for me.”

“It’s fine,” she responds. “Because Haymitch said that I can stay in one of your rooms.”

Behind her, Prim is jumping for joy at the thought of being close to her sister.

I can’t have her here. She’ll hear me talk to Prim—and Katniss will think that I’m crazy.

“But, your Mom—”

“Haymitch has given her enough compensation so that she can spare me for two months, if needed,” Katniss persists. “I get weekends off to see her.”

“This isn’t right,” I tell her weakly. “You’re going to see things, Katniss. Strange things that will make you wonder if I came back completely right after the Games. I can’t let you see that part of me.”

Katniss sits down next to me, her eyes solemn but determined. I can see that spark that she always seemed to have, kindling right in front of me.

“I watched you,” Katniss says softly. “Every day I watched you, right to the end. So, I can understand that you might not be completely okay. I’d be more worried if you seemed completely fine. Please, don’t push me away…because, I think I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?” I ask, that small bloom of hope growing in my chest at her words.

“For you to tell me about those last days in the Arena,” she responds. “And, about you and Prim.”

++++++

First things first, Katniss cooks breakfast for us—ham, eggs, and bread from my family’s bakery. I’m surprised by the amount of food in my kitchen.

She places the plate in front of me. “Haymitch did some restocking before you woke up.”

We sit in the kitchen and I look out at the overgrown backyard where I see Prim twirling about. She seems content to leave Katniss and me together, ghostly matchmaker that she is.

I reach for the fork that she’s placed on the table. “This looks good.”

“Oh, don’t forget this,” Katniss reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small bottle full of pills. “Just in case. They’re painkillers that Haymitch bought from my mother. Very mild.”

I eye the bottle apprehensively as she pours juice into a glass for me. “I don’t know…”

“They’re not poison,” she assures me. “A lot of people don’t like you but none of them would kill you.”

“If you haven’t noticed—” I point to my wrapped head and then to where my aching ribs throb. “These were given to me by my Southern counterpart.”

Katniss nods in understanding.

Taking the bottle, she reaches into it to take a pill. “Here, I’ll go first.”

I swipe the tablet and place it in my mouth before Katniss can say anything. After swallowing down the bitter pill, I drink from the glass in front of me.

“I can’t lose another Everdeen,” I tell her before going back to my breakfast.

++++++

Katniss cloaks my bandaged ribcage in a plastic wrap that she found in the kitchen then retrieves a shower cap from a drawer in my bathroom for my head.

“We don’t have to do this today,” I tell her as we stand awkwardly in the blue-tiled bathroom watching the water fill the large tub.

“No, no,” she urges me as she turns on the faucet. “You’ll feel better after a warm bath and it’ll help you sleep easier.” Katniss gives me a shaky smile. “I’ve been helping Mama out with patients. I’m not as good as Prim was, but I can be efficient. So, I’ve seen it all.”

Katniss has already helped me remove my day-old shirt but her hands hesitate at the zipper of my pants.

Thank goodness that Prim isn’t here. I don’t think I could take her teasing.

She has kept out of our way, exploring her boundaries outside or fleeting about in another room of the house. Last time I saw her, she was sitting on the loveseat watching Katniss show me the supplies that she had brought.

“I can do it,” I tell her.

Quickly, she turns around to give me privacy, though there isn’t much since she’s facing the mirror.

I was never embarrassed with my body before, confident boy that I was. Now, looking at my pale skin, weak-looking legs, and pointed bones has me faltering.

More so, my cock remains flaccid—an aftereffect of embarrassment and psychological trauma, despite the closeness of the girl I’ve wanted since I could remember.

“Don’t be ashamed,” Katniss whispers as she looks down at the ground. “You’ve been through so much.”

“I’m nothing but scars,” I respond in sudden despair. “Each uglier than the other.”

Katniss stands before me, her eyes boring into mine and not once traveling over any other area of my wasted body.

“War wounds, that’s all. Each one showing just how brave you are.”

I swallow my tears as I allow her to help me into the warm water.

++++++

“In firelight, Katniss is so lovely.” Prim sighs as she sits down by her sister’s feet. “I always loved her hair. Dark as night, just like Dad’s.” Her eyes go to me. “She’s taken care of you nicely. Your coloring is much better.”

I give her a nod before going back to sipping the tea that Katniss has given me.

Prim seems to understand my need to tone down my conversations with her. So, she settles down, her head resting against Katniss’ feet.

“It’s suddenly very cold,” Katniss tells me, her arms wrapping around herself.

My eyes go down to where Prim lies on her feet. 

“There’s a draft in the house. Did you want a blanket?”

“Just tell me where to get one,” Katniss says.

I shake my head and stand quickly. Going to the small armoire on the opposite side of the living room, I pull out a soft green blanket and hand it to her.

Katniss chuckles softly as she spreads out the blanket. “You remembered my favorite color.” Prim stands before she can be covered and decides to sit on the loveseat adjacent to us.

“Do you remember mine?” I tease with a small smile. It feels so foreign to smile but with Katniss, it just seems to spring out from my lips.

“Orange like a sunset,” she replies without hesitation. Her quickness has her blushing and she looks down. “At least, that’s what I remember.”

“You’re right,” I tell her. “Orange for the Western sunset. Because the end of the day to me is even more wonderful than the beginning.”

“Hey!” Prim calls out good-naturedly. “I resent that!”

I hide my smile at her words before looking across to where Katniss sits. “I’m ready to talk. If you’re still willing to listen.”

Katniss lets out a slow breath before turning to me, her slate eyes longing for answers.

“It’s been two years, Peeta. Tell me. Tell me about the Games.”

* * *

 

It begins.

The rapidity of Everlark—but, how will it be effected once Katniss finds out about Prim?

A guest reviewer commented that this reminded them of a certain anime—and I will tell you that it was indeed inspired by the one mentioned, though other than the ghost girl haunting the boy and the whole woods setting, the similarities end.

I’m actually thinking that I’m going to be focused more on this story for a while in opposed to my AU—just getting on this writing jag. I also think that I can take this further.

As always, feedback is extremely helpful to me.

Until Chapter Three, JLaLa


	3. Promises

Thank you again for all of your love—keep it coming!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Three: Promises_

“Where should I start?” I ask Katniss.

“Wherever you want,” she responds carefully. “I just need to know something about those last weeks before Prim—”

Katniss’ head drops and I can see how difficult it is to mask her pain around me. Her hunched shoulders quake for a bit as she weeps and suddenly, I’m reaching to place my hand over hers.

Prim watches her sister, her own lips trembling.

I wonder if ghosts can cry.

“It’s cruel, you know,” Prim says as she kneels before Katniss. “To see her like this and not be able to do anything.” My friend looks to me, her deep blue eyes pleading. “Say something.”

I search my mind for the right words. Comforting the fairer sex was never my forte and during our childhood, unbelievably—Gale was the crier. But, just as quick as he started, Gale would quickly shake it off. So, I’m really at a loss at what to do.

“Did I tell you that Prim stabbed a table?” I abruptly blurt out.

Katniss’ head shoots up, watery eyes wide and cheeks scarlet. “What?”

++++++

Prim sits down next to me at the mahogany table that is filled with more food than we’ve ever seen.

Katniss, Prim, and Gale lived on meager bits of food though they hunted enough to eat heartily. However, Katniss often sold her game to many of the Merchants, like my father, who she knew loved fresh meat. Prim used her goat, Lady, to produce milk and make cheese which she also sold to make ends meet.

Despite my Merchant status, my mother was very strict about what we ate. Dinners often consisted of week-old bread and meat was only eaten on Sundays. Our best breads or cakes were left for our customers.

I had never even had a chance to sample any of the cakes I decorated—and it is likely that I will never get to.

“Morning,” she greets everyone in the richly decorated train cart.

I can tell that Prim has had little to no sleep. There are dark circles under her eyes and when my friend reaches for a napkin, I can see her hands trembling. I place my hand over hers to steady it.

Haymitch, who has awakened from his drunken coma, suddenly leers at us through whiskey-goggled greys. “Are you two a thing?”

“No,” I tell him curtly. “We’re friends. Been friends since we were all kids.”

“What a shame,” Effie says from where she sits on the plush couch beside our table. “Could you imagine the stir that we would cause? Bringing two lovers to the Games together? Tragic!”

“More like ridiculous,” Prim mutters as she shakes her napkin to place it on her lap. She has very little patience for our escort who sees my friend as nothing but a beautiful ornament.

I, however, have long stopped seeing her as a quacking duck.

Just last week, Prim had sparred with Gale and ended up straddling him, her arm across his neck as she subdued our friend.

If she hadn’t been cutting off his air supply, I’m sure that he wouldn’t have minded.

I look over at Haymitch, who is nursing a newly-filled glass of amber liquid.

“So, what advice can you give us?”

The man eyes me for a moment before letting out a short laugh. “Advice? Try not to scream too loud if you get stabbed. Bad for the viewership.”

It happens so quickly that I don’t have time to protest.

Prim grabs the knife next to her and shoots up from her seat. Swiftly, her arm swings down and punctures the wood table right in-between Haymitch’s index and middle finger, causing a hard vibration and shaking the china.

“THAT IS MAHOGANY!” Effie cries out.

“Well, well…that was pretty damn good,” Haymitch says as he stares up at my friend in slight admiration. “Looks like our princess has a little fire in her.”

Prim stares him down, her blue eyes cold. “Remember this—I’m no princess.” She leans in closer to him. “And, I didn’t do _that_ well. The knife missed your hand.” Turning to me, Prim nods her head towards our rooms. “We’ll figure this out ourselves.”

I look between her and Haymitch, who is swirling his drink as he meets her heated stare. “But—”

My friend points to the door. “MOVE.”

Standing up quickly, I follow Prim out of the train cart with Haymitch’s laughter echoing behind us.

++++++

Katniss wipes away her tears as a half-laugh, half-sob escapes her lips. “That is unbelievably her.”

“The funny thing was,” I begin. “Prim told me that she was channeling you. She knew that you would have done the exact same thing if you were in her shoes.”

“She was so brave,” Katniss tells me, her voice going quiet.

I look over at Prim, who is giggling in remembrance. “I actually felt bad for stabbing the table.”

As I try to stifle my laugh, Katniss catches the slight smile on my lips. Her own face brightens seeing it.

“What?”

“She actually felt bad for the table,” I say to her.

Katniss lets out another watery laugh and it’s unbelievably beautiful to watch her as she does. The way the simple curve of her lips suddenly causes the dimple on her jaw to deepen and how her eyes crinkle at the corners as the joyful noise escapes her throat.

It is a sight to behold.

I’m breathless at her radiance and that rotten heart that I had long given up on begins to race.

“It’s nice to see you smile,” I tell her.

She blushes under my gaze and looks down at the blanket on her lap.

“We should probably get you up to bed.”

I nod in agreement. Carefully, Katniss and I walk up the stairs, her arm around my waist to steady my pained countenance.

Walking up the stairs leaves me winded and it is a great relief when my head finally hits the pillow on my now broken-in bed.

Katniss sits by my side and her hand reaches to my forehead to check my temperature.

I give her a tired smile. “Am I okay?”

She nods as she looks over me, her hand just almost reaching for my cheek.

However, Katniss hesitates, instead choosing to run her finger along my jawline. Instantly, I sink into her touch.

“It’s hard to believe that you’re here,” Katniss says in a hushed voice. “For two years, it’s felt like you were just a ghost of yourself. Like if I touched you, my hand would just pass through.”

My fingers wrap around her wrist and I bring her hand to my cheek, letting her feel my solidity. “I’m right here—” Shyly, I turn to stamp a kiss into her palm. “—alive and real.”

++++++

“The Careers are looking at us,” I tell Prim as I work on my camouflage skills in the designated training area. Working on cakes at the bakery has had its benefits and I compare my work to the trunk of the birch next to me before meeting my friend’s eyes. “Sizing us up for an alliance.”

“It’s just what we wanted,” Prim says as I show her my arm before going to wash the paint off. She gives me an approving nod. “Your work is really good.”

Together, we go to the plant identification station.

Prim is a master at this, her eyes focused on the screen in front of her as she rapidly identifies each vegetal, herb, or berry. The girl from District 5, who Prim and I have dubbed Foxface due to her beady, darting eyes and pointed features, stares at my friend in disbelief.

Her sharp eyes narrow in envy as my friend’s time is displayed on screen; it is clearly the top score.

“Too easy,” Prim breathes out as she steps back.  Atala, the Tribute Center trainer, nods in approval. “Who do you think you would kill first if you got in with the Careers?”

I let my eyes move to the far side of the training floor where my gaze focuses on the tall, golden-haired boy from District 2 with the smug grin. His eyes meet mine unafraid before his gaze drifts over to Prim. Our fitted training outfits leave little to the imagination and he obviously admires my pretty friend.

Protectively, I block her from his gaze.

“Cato,” I reply. “Definitely Cato.”

++++++

“You were jealous,” Katniss states bluntly. There isn’t any jealously in her statement, just genuine curiosity about those last days.

Together, we walk around the courtyard of Victors’ Village to help my ribs heal and to get the blood flowing through my weary body.

Days have passed since our last conversation about the Games.

In-between then, Katniss has been a diligent nurse, cooking meals to add muscle to my body and making sure that I get enough rest. Just two days ago, she suggested that I start taking short walks to help with my circulation and to get some sunlight on my pale skin.

“Not even close,” I reply as we finish our first round. “Cato looked at her like he wanted her. But, he also looked like he wanted to kill her. I was afraid of either outcome.” Meeting Katniss’ eyes, I bring our linked arms closer. “Careers will do almost anything to win. If Cato got a hold of Prim, I know that he would have done whatever he could to make her want to destroy herself.”

“So when the time came and they approached you, you accepted,” Katniss says, connecting the dots of my story. “Then what?”

“Our plan was to destroy from within,” I say. “When it was finished, I was halfway gone to our meeting place.”

Prim is suddenly in front of us, grinning slyly at our closeness. Katniss is wrapped in a thick sweater as I have donned an ivy coat that had been in my wardrobe when I arrived at Victors’ Village. Our sides are pressed close together to protect each other from the biting chill in the air.

“You two look cozy.” She watches the puffs of air escaping our mouths. “Is it cold?”

I nod imperceptibly at my friend before looking to Katniss. “I’m getting a little tired.”

Agreeing that I’ve had enough, Katniss leads me to my front porch and together, we settle on the long bench overlooking the courtyard.

“You had a meeting place?” My pretty nurse asks.

She takes my hand in-between hers to warm them and I meet her eyes under my bashful gaze. The nearness of her brings warmth and though we are getting to the colder part of the year, my body feels nothing but fiery blood running through my veins.

“The West,” I tell her. “Always the West.”

++++++

The weekend arrives faster than we realize and before long Katniss is packing her small satchel to go home. I give her an encouraging smile and assure her that I will be fine though I can tell that there is reluctance in her eyes.

She’s only been with me for a short time but her presence in my home is evident. Little by little, I get stronger, my muscles thicken and my energy level goes up. The liquor has somehow disappeared from the house and I’m a little less cranky despite the lack of it.

This large, lonely house slowly comes to life as the dust is cleared by Katniss and me. She insists on doing a daily cleaning and making me help her as exercise. Even in the forest she was just as bossy, often delegating duties to Gale, Prim, and me—confident Queen that she was.

Prim is overjoyed to have her sister back and is content to watch Katniss throughout the day as she does her nursing duties. She proudly comments on how improved Katniss is with her first aid skills.

“Maybe I should stay,” Katniss contemplates, worry evident in her voice. “Who’s going to help you out of bed? Or, help you take a bath?”

I snort. “Is that your primary concern? Me taking a bath?” I grin at the redness invading her cheeks. “I didn’t know seeing my naked rear was the highlight of your work week.”

Katniss glares at me before letting a smile grow on her lips. “Very funny, King Peeta.”

“It’s just my way of saying that I’ll miss my Western Queen,” I reply as I look down at my hands.

“I’ll be back,” she tells me. “I promise you that.”

“Promises are strange things, Katniss.” Standing up, I lead her to the front door. “As much as you want to keep them, sometimes the plan just goes awry.”

“What plan?” Katniss asks as we reach the door.

Prim stands behind her sister, her mouth in a grim line. “I did what I thought what was right.”

Ignoring my friend’s words, I shake my head and open the door for Katniss. “It’s just something I learned in the Games.”

++++++

In the Tribute Center, Prim’s room is across from mine. My usually shy friend doesn’t bother to knock as she hops on my bed.

We have just gone through our individual judging and are awaiting the results.

However, Prim has been a fan favorite since the Opening Ceremony while I have been a faithful companion.

Cinna, her stylist, dressed us in white—a very different concept for our District. We represent the light at the end of tunnel; the eagerly anticipated end of darkness for many of our coal miners. Prim is the beacon, the beautiful canary that sings in the caverns, letting our District know that there is hope at the close of the day.

The dress she wore was made of pure white silk, draping over her slender body like the elegant wings of the bird. Cinna had also made her wear her hair down so that her golden locks flowed freely behind us as we rode in our chariot. I wore a crisp white suit, polished and tailored to perfection, though I knew I was just meant to compliment my friend.

“What are you looking at?” Prim sits next to me on the bed. Her eyes look down at the book that is spread open on the bed. “Why are you looking at an anatomy book?”

I meet her eyes. “Let’s be truthful. Only one of us is going to make it out alive—and it’s going to be you.”

“Peeta…” Prim shakes her head at me. “…you shouldn’t say things like that.”

“I’m only telling the truth,” I insist. “If something happens, I need you to help me out.”

Prim looks down at the diagram on the open page. When she meets my eyes again, there’s a frightened light in them.

“I can’t kill you,” Prim says in a tight voice. “ _She_ would never forgive me.”

“If something happens and I’m suffering…you wouldn’t end my pain?” I question.

Prim is soft-hearted and merciful, always looking out for the underdog. She once found an injured bird in our forest and rain or shine, nursed it in a hollowed-out hole in a tree until it healed and flew away, three months after.

“Fine,” Prim responds in a huff. “What do you want me to do?”

“I’m sure that you know about the main arteries of the body,” I explain and look down. “But, there are three that will be most effective: the aorta, the femoral, and the carotid.”

“So, what…” She looks at me in dread. “…you want me to stab you to death?”

“We have knives in the Training Center. Practice on your aim. I actually think that they will be an effective weapon for you.”

Reaching over to my side table, I hand her a knife, similar to the one that she almost stabbed Haymitch with. Then, I give her a peach, a fruit that we both found strange because of its fuzzy exterior.

“One cut,” I continue. “Try to reach the center in one slice.”

One neat cut from my friend will end my suffering if it comes down to it.

Prim’s hand shakes during her first attempt; the cut is jagged and is only a fourth into the peach.

“I can’t do it!” She stands up in a panic. “She won’t forgive me! She won’t!” Prim bursts into tears. “And, if she doesn’t, it’s like being dead anyway!”

I pull her close and the punctured peach hits the floor.

“You’re her favorite person. She needs you more than anyone,” I say in her ear. “This is just a means to an end. Because, I don’t want my suffering to be something she remembers. I can’t become part of her nightmares.”

“So, you’ll become part of mine?” Prim counters, sorrow in her eyes.

“You will heal and she will help you understand that it was all for the best,” I tell her. “Promise. Promise me that you will help me in the end…that you will do what is for the best.”

Prim looks to the floor where the discarded fruit lays.

Slowly, she kneels down to pick it up before meeting my eyes. “I promise.”

“Good girl,” I say and press a kiss to her forehead. “Now, try again.”

This time, Prim slices through cleanly but not quite enough to hit the center.

We have time. We have a plan.

At least, I thought we did at the time.

We spend the rest of the evening slicing through peaches until Haymitch calls us for dinner—never questioning why there is an array of the knifed fruit in my bedroom.

++++++

“Is Katniss taking good care of you?” my father asks that following Saturday evening.

It is only us as my mother has retired for the night and my brothers are meeting their significant others in the Town Square. They asked if I wanted to join them but I refused insisting that I would finish closing duties for them.

Also, I enjoy spending time with my father. He is a gentle man, soft-spoken and always wearing a relaxed smile on his lips.

I’ve always wanted to be like him.

I still do.

“Yes. She has been an enormous help,” I reply as I focus on the dough in front of me. “Haymitch must have paid a pretty penny for her to nurse a hangover.”

“Katniss isn’t getting paid,” my father informs me. “She agreed that her mother should be given money to cover what she usually made for selling game. A few weeks ago, Katniss was selling me a squirrel when Haymitch came by to ask if I knew anyone who would be willing. She volunteered immediately. ”

“I don’t know why,” I reply shamefully, remembering the many days that I resisted her help during our time together, just trying to grasp my last bit of pride. “I’m not anything. I’m not even close to the boy that she remembers.”

My father pats my shoulder consolingly. “You might not be the boy she remembers. But, you can become a man that she will never forget.”

“Peeta.” I look over at the back door where Prim has suddenly appeared, her eyes troubled. “Katniss is outside, and she’s upset.”

Without even thinking, I remove my apron and rush to the door.

Opening it, I find Katniss on the steps, her hand up as if she was about to knock. Her grey eyes are clouded and her pallor is sickly-looking.

I join her on the steps and close the door behind me. “Katniss, are you alright?”

Her arms wrap around my neck and she buries her face into my shoulder.

“Can I come home?” she asks, tears in her muffled voice. “Can I come home with you?”

++++++

“We had a fight. She doesn’t look at me, you know,” Katniss tells me as we lay next to one another by the fireplace. Her hair is still wet from the shower that I insisted she take to relax her shaking body. Wet tendrils cling to her cheeks and the moisture clinging onto her long lashes makes them glisten in the firelight making her almond eyes even larger. “My mother.”

“What do you mean?” I ask as I face her.

“She’s never forgiven me for letting Prim go,” she replies in a hoarse voice. “Prim was the one who kept my mother steady. When she died, it was like losing Dad all over again.” Katniss swallows slowly. “Like she just shut down and forgot that I was here.”

Prim sits behind her sister and I can see that she is in turmoil. Every so often, I watch her attempt to touch Katniss but there seems to be some sort of barrier that prevents her from doing so. So instead, Prim glides her hand along the invisible block, following the curves of her bloomed sister.

“I know Mom doesn’t see it but I’m in just as much pain,” Katniss tells me and a wretched sob escapes her lips. “My mother can’t understand. I swear…I knew the exact moment Prim’s heart stopped. Because that day, I died too.”

I stare at her in the darkness and my hand reaches to touch her face—because I have that ability. I have the opportunity to comfort Katniss, to take her in my arms, and the chance to love her if we can let us grow into that.

I have all the chances that Prim denied herself.

Yet, I spent two years throwing it away.

My rough knuckles caress her jaw and my thumb reaches out to move over her lips, a small sigh escapes her mouth as it travels along her bottom lip.

“You understand now,” Prim says during a quiet moment and I look to her for clarification. “The plan worked.”

But, I don’t understand.

“The plan was to bring back the person she needed the most,” my friend continues as she moves her hand over the barrier around Katniss’ hair. “I wasn’t it.”

I close my eyes to take in everything I’m hearing.

“Katniss,” I call out. “Did you ever wonder why Prim did what she did?”

“All the time. I thought for a while that she was distraught over you,” Katniss tells me. “During the Opening Ceremony and the Tribute Presentation, her eyes were always on you.”

“It was because we made promises,” I tell Katniss. “Promises to look out for one another and make sure the other got as far as they could in the Games. But, she broke her last promise. I made her promise that she would do what was for the best.”

“And, I did,” Prim argues, her usually bright eyes full of seriousness.

“Prim always thought that I was bothered by the attention that she got,” Katniss says quietly. “But, I didn’t mind that I wasn’t the pretty one or the smart one. I was proud to be her sister. There was only one time that I ever envied her. Every day, I still feel guilty. Because no matter what, Prim always made me feel like I was the most special person in her life.”

My free hand reaches for hers. “Because you are.”

“I was…to her.” Katniss blinks and the tears fall to the hardwood floor. “Prim said that she would always watch over me—like big sisters do. She was my big sister by two minutes.” She smiles to herself. But, as quickly as that smile appears, it disappears behind a sudden sob. “Where is she now?”

“I’m here, Katniss.” Prim looks anguished at seeing Katniss in such pain. “Tell her I’m here!”

“She won’t believe me,” I whisper under my breath.

“Who won’t believe you?” Katniss asks.

“Say ‘ _Makidada_ ’,” Prim tells me.

I look at Prim warily before meeting Katniss’ eyes. “Do you know what the word ‘ _Makidada_ ’ means?”

Katniss sits up and stares at me in shock before responding, “It means, ‘ _Little Sister_ ’.”

All those times that Prim said that word, she was calling for Katniss through the cameras.

The thought makes me ache.

“How do you know about that?” Katniss asks.

I sit up. “Prim just told me.”

It comes out in barely a whisper.

Katniss goes grey and her eyes rove over me. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I just don’t want to lie to you,” I tell her.

“You should go to bed,” she suddenly suggests in a panicked voice.

I’ve crossed the line—and my heart breaks at the chance that I barely got.

Nodding, I turn to look at the fire. “I’ll sleep here tonight.”

“Peeta,” Prim says as she sits by my side. “Repeat after me, _‘You and me, Us never part’_. Say it before she leaves—HURRY!”

“‘ _You and me, Us never part’_.”

Her footsteps suddenly still.

Prim continues to whisper words into my ear, “‘ _You and me, Us have one heart’_.”

“‘ _You and me, Us have one heart.’”_

Katniss is suddenly sitting next to me, her grey eyes gleaming and her hand over her mouth.

Prim sits next to her sister to whisper the last lines in her ear, “‘ _Ain't no ocean, ain't no sea…keep my sistah way from me…’”_

I turn to Katniss to say those last lines.

“ _‘Ain't no ocean, ain't no sea…keep my sistah way from me…’_ ”

There’s a pregnant pause in the house, the only sounds being Katniss’ sharp breaths and the ticks of the grandfather clock in the entryway.

Finally, Katniss turns to me, tears rolling down her colorless cheeks.

“Prim is really here, isn’t she?”

* * *

 

I don’t know how many of you know that one of my favorite books and movies is ‘The Color Purple’. A lot of my stories have small inspirations from it (ex. The name of Johanna and Haymitch’s son in ‘Again’ is Adam and the name of Thresh’s daughter is Olivia—Celie’s two children in the story).

The words that Prim has Peeta repeat are from a hand game that Nettie and Celie, the two sisters of the story, play in the movie adaptation of ‘The Color Purple’.

Here are the words for _‘You and Me, Us Never Part, Makidada’_ :

_"You and me, Us never part_   
_Makidada_   
_You and me, Us have one heart_   
_Makidada_   
_Ain't no ocean, ain't no sea_   
_Makidada_   
_Keep my sistah way from me_   
_Makidada…”_

Also, the whole concept of the story that ‘Nothing but death’ could part the two sisters just kind of twists into my heart.

But, I digress.

Yes, there are parts of the book and movie that have been revised to fit into the plot including Effie’s whole ‘mahogany’ outburst and the whole table stabbing.

I feel horribly bad for Katniss and Peeta, because in some way, they share the commonality that they are the underdogs compared to Prim. However, neither really minds.

These two need to kiss already…

As always, feedback is welcome and enjoyed.

Until Chapter Four, JLaLa 

 


	4. The Reaping

Thank you so much for your encouraging words!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Four: The Reaping_

“Prim is really here, isn’t she?”

“She is,” I manage to choke out.

Katniss looks around before turning to me, her eyes shining with tears. “Where is she?”

“Right next to you,” I inform my friend. “On your right.”

Prim is beaming as Katniss turns to look directly at her. They’re so close that their noses practically brush one another.

“Tell her,” Prim says. “I was always at her East, watching over her.”

“She says that she was always at your East, watching over you,” I say as Katniss stares at nothing but the fading fire in front of her.

I see differently. Prim is moving her hand over Katniss’ face, examining her lovely features up close, breathing into her sister’s skin.

“Does she look the same?” Katniss asks me.

“She grew up just like we did.” My eyes go to Prim to help me describe her correctly to Katniss. “She’s the same height as you and her hair has gotten longer, reaching her lower back, and she’s wearing the same dress that she wore during her interview with Caesar Flickerman.”

Prim grins at me, a twinkle in her cerulean eyes.

“Tell her that her chest is bigger than mine. She was always worrying that I was blooming better than her.”

“I’m not going to say that!” I say to Prim.

I realize how strange it must be for Katniss to see me talking to the air. Her eyes suddenly turn anxious once more as she watches our interaction.

“How do I know this is real?” Katniss says suddenly.

Prim frowns for a moment and I know that she is worried that we are losing Katniss’ confidence once again.

My friend looks thoughtfully at her sister before reaching to touch the space along Katniss’ cheek.

“Tell her, in the end, I took what she wanted the most.”

I swallow shallowly before turning to gaze at Katniss. “She says…that in the end, she took what you wanted the most.”

Katniss nods once, tears escaping her eyes and running down her thin face. “I forgave her long ago.”

I have to know. The question is rising from my lips before I can stop myself. 

“What was it that you wanted the most?”

Katniss looks to me and I see it then—the longing, the want.

She is drowning in it.

 “You.”

++++++

That night, I lay in my bed, unable to sleep.

_“You.”_

That one word echoes in my mind.

Katniss wanted me, just as I wanted her. Has it always been this way? I think back to our past, of when we were children, analyzing every look that she ever gave me. When did it start?

And worse, when did it end?

“Katniss is crying.” Prim suddenly stands at the foot of my bed. She bites her lower lip anxiously. “I know she’s mad, but she won’t let it out. She doesn’t want me to hear her. Go to her—please.”

I nod wordlessly as I get up, wrapping myself in a thin robe.

After that one utterance, Katniss excused herself to her room and I watched her go, unable to grasp what she had admitted.

_“You.”_

The word repeats in my mind once more as I leave my bedroom and walk across to hers.

Knocking softly, I open the door and peek into the darkness. “Katniss?”

“Go away,” she hisses in a watery voice. “Please…”

Prim stands in the dim room, her pale figure looking at her sister. “Don’t listen.”

I walk in quickly and close the door behind me. “I wasn’t going to.”

Ignoring Katniss’ plea, I round the bed and stop at the empty spot.

Carefully, I sit on the mattress, the frame of it creaking as I do and I look down at her prone body. My eyes adjust to the darkness and with the help of the moonlight peeking through the thin veil of curtain, I see Katniss’ olive face streaked with tears.

Her silhouette is beautifully lit against the pure white light of the lunar orb. Lying down next to her, I admire how quietly graceful she has grown. As the most beautiful of flowers do, Katniss took her time to bloom into her beauty.

“Are you angry at me?” I ask. “Or, at her?”

She sniffles, her breath catching. “I don’t know. I miss her…but I’m mad at her. I mad at you…but I’ve missed you, too.” Her eyes meet mine. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Start from the beginning.” I gaze into the large, deep depths of her eyes. I could get lost in them. I did whenever I had a moment to—when we were young. “I won’t lie to you. Prim would never lie to you.”

Prim lays behind her sister, her hand just over where Katniss’ heart beats.

Katniss is sandwiched between Prim and me. Between the living and the dead.

There is such a fine line between both.

“Can she hear me?” Katniss asks suddenly.

I nod. “She can hear you.”

“Where is she right now?”

“She’s lying right behind you,” I explain. “Her hand is right on your heart.”

Katniss reaches to the space where Prim’s hand is and a small shiver visibly rushes through her frail body. “Is that her? This coolness? This lightness?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. She’s never tried to touch me.”

Katniss meets my eyes. “Not once?”

“I would never touch what isn’t mine,” Prim tells her sister firmly.

I don’t repeat Prim’s words though the thought of being Katniss’ warms me from the tips of my toes to the top of my head.

“Never,” I promise her. “She can do things though that mess with me. Like once, she blew flour in my face to get my attention.”

Katniss’ lips slightly perk in a smile. “Why?”

“To get me to come see you,” I reply. “And, it worked.”

Nodding in understanding, Katniss goes quiet for a moment.

“Can I talk to her?” she asks me.

“Of course,” I tell her. “You’re her twin.”

Katniss takes a deep breath before calling out into the room.

“Prim,” she begins quietly. “What is it like to die?”

Prim pushes herself up to gaze down at Katniss, her long sunny hair falling against her sister’s shoulder.

“It’s like living life backwards,” Prim says to her. “Your memories come in flashes. Some of them good and some of them bad—but they’re all important.”

I repeat what Prim tells me to say to Katniss then wait for her to continue speaking to her sister.

“I watched myself put the nightlock in my mouth. I heard my own thoughts. I saw us all in the woods. I saw Gale in the forest looking up at me as I sat on a branch of one of our trees. I should’ve known then how he felt but I was so unaware of love, only seeing the stronger kind in front of me. I saw you and Peeta…the way you looked at one another when the other wasn’t looking. I saw you toss and turn and call out Peeta’s name in your sleep. I saw myself volunteer and I remember what I told you after I volunteered—‘ _You have to give us a reason to come back_.’”

“To this day, I still wish that it was me,” Katniss tells her sister.

Prim shakes her head as she tries to reach for the soft tendrils of Katniss’ hair. “No, no…”

But, she can’t.

So instead, I reach to catch Katniss’ raven locks in-between my fingers.

“No,” I tell her. “It was supposed to be us.”

“The last memory I had was of you,” Prim whispers in her ear. “We were in Mama, floating inside her, and it was the first time my eyes opened. You were like an angel, arms out like you were reaching for me. I knew then how special you were. My twin, my sister, my whole life…my end and my beginning was all for you.”

I’m so struck from Prim’s words that I struggle through her descriptions of that last memory of the two in their mother’s womb, not feeling quite like I’m saying her words well enough and only managing to strengthen by the end.

“You were her end and her beginning,” I say as I look into Katniss’ eyes.

Katniss reaches to where my hand intertwines in her locks and gently places her hand over mine. She guides my palm over to her cheek, along her jawline, and then against her lips where she presses her mouth to my skin.

The warmth of her kiss spreads through me like rampant, thick fire.

“Thank you for telling me,” Katniss whispers into my hand. Her other hand reaches to her heart where Prim’s hand still rests. “I miss you, Prim.”

Katniss’ eyes begin to flutter and Prim leans down to speak into her sister’s ear. “ _Makidada_ , go to sleep.”

“I should go,” I say to Katniss. “You should sleep.”

Her hand tightens around mine. “No. Stay with me.” Katniss moves to press herself close to me, her head going to my chest.

Because I can, I kiss the top of her head. “Always.”

Exhausted, my head droops to rest against her soft hair and Katniss buries her face against the folds of my shirt.

Before I fall asleep, I hear Prim whisper in my ear:

“You were always her end and her beginning. I think that’s why I’m here—to help see you that.”

++++++

_One Week Later…_

“Where did you get ‘ _Makidada_ ’ from?” I ask Katniss as we walk around the courtyard for our daily exercise.

I am stronger now, able to walk without getting breathless and even jog lightly. When I have the energy, Katniss and I race among the empty houses. Whoever wins has to cook dinner.

Lately, I have been losing.

I don’t really mind. It gives me something to do while Katniss does other things around the house. I’ve even set up a little archery range for her in our backyard so that she can practice shooting. While I’m cooking, I often watch her practice through the kitchen window.

I memorize every smile, every excited yell, and I laugh to myself when I watch Prim cheer Katniss on when she hits the target. Since Katniss is aware that her sister is there, my friend spends every moment trying to harness her energy to show her sister that she’s present.

For some reason, Prim is only able to do things around me: open and close doors, pick up bags, blow flour in my face. Yet, it takes an inordinate amount of concentration to _try_ to do the same things around Katniss.

“Dad used to have this book,” Katniss tells me, her arm entwined in mine. “It belonged to his great-grandmother and it was her favorite story. The two main characters were sisters who were separated for a long while…” She stops for a moment and looks out at the empty homes around us. “And, they promised that nothing but death would part them. The hand game was written on the inside cover by Great-Grandmother Everdeen and my Dad taught it to us.”

“When we were children, Katniss and I would play the game whenever we couldn’t sleep,” Prim says as she walks ahead of us. She peers at her sister for a moment. “You better get her to the porch. She looks a little tired.”

“Tell her I’m fine,” Katniss replies. “I just had a nightmare last night.”

I turn to Prim. “She says she’s—”

Wait…Katniss responded to Prim!

Looking to Katniss, I stare at her in shock. “Did you hear her?”

Katniss shakes her head. “It was just instinctive. Like I knew what she was telling you.”

Something is happening.

The barrier between life and death is weakening between the three of us. I’m not sure if it is a positive or a negative.

“I think I need to sit down,” I tell them, overwhelmed by this realization.

Together, we make our way from the far side of the neighborhood to our home. Upon arriving, we’re surprised to find that Haymitch is standing on our porch.

Warily, I walk over to him. “Hey Haymitch.”

“Peeta, how are you?” he asks in a soft, gruff voice.

“Better with Katniss’ help,” I reply. In turn, Katniss goes to my side and her fingers entwine in mine in solidarity.

Haymitch catches this small interaction easily and he stares down at our joined hands for a moment before nodding towards my front door.

“May I talk to you and the girl?” he asks anxiously, his eyes fleeting around us. “In private?”

Katniss looks to me before going to open the door. “You can go into the living room.”

She rushes into the house leaving me alone with Haymitch and Prim, who is staring at our mentor.

“He looks a lot older up close,” Prim remarks and she reaches to see if she can make contact.

I watch her hand go to his shoulder and Haymitch grimaces as she does, his hand going to the spot that she is touching.

“Are you alright?” I ask, concerned at his reaction.

“I just felt this spot get tense,” he tells me as he rubs his shoulder. “Must be my old age.”

“We better get inside,” I say and let him enter our house before me. “It’s a lot warmer in our house.”

Prim follows me, whispering in excitement about making contact with Haymitch.

Haymitch walks into our living room, taking in all of the changes that Katniss has made.

The living room is no longer my bedroom. The hardwood floor no longer houses a single pillow and sheet but is polished meticulously by me. Katniss had sewn throw pillows of green and orange—our favorite colors to accent the simple couch. The coffee table is spotless, a vase with a bunch of dandelions sitting in the middle.

“Our house,” Haymitch repeats as he sits on the couch. “I get it now.” I join him and he turns to me. “The sleeping arrangements? You’re being proper, right?”

I turn crimson at his question.

Since that night, Katniss and I have slept in the same bed. Nothing ever happens, because I have no ability to get to that point. My bottom half remains dormant despite the warmth of waking to Katniss pressing against me, chest to chest and legs sometimes entwined.

Every now and then, Katniss will even let out a small contented moan of approval as she sleeps. I lie awake waiting for the moment that she does it once more.

“From your pause, I’m guessing that it’s not the case,” Haymitch says thoughtfully. “Maybe it would be better if she was…could keep her from—”

“I brought some lemonade,” Katniss says as she rushes in with a tray in her hands. She sets it down on the coffee table before sitting next to me.

Haymitch takes his glass and takes a sip as he examines us.

“As I said,” he says as he sets down his glass. “It might be better if Katniss was pregnant—”

“What are you talking about?” Katniss asks and turns to me. “What is he talking about?”

“He asked me about our sleeping arrangements,” I murmur. Katniss’ face fills with heat at the realization of his words. “I didn’t expect him to ask.”

“It’s clear that there has always been something going on,” Haymitch tells us. “Prim told me a long time ago that you had a girl back home. I didn’t know that she was Prim’s sister, though.”

“What did you need?” I ask abruptly.

“Next week, we’re going to have visitors,” Haymitch begins. “I need you to stay in the house so that no one notices that you’re better. Stay out of town till the people leave. I’ll inform your father that you’re not coming to work till everything’s quieted down.”

I look at him worriedly. “Who is coming?”

“Effie…and the others,” my former mentor tells me. His eyes go to Katniss. “Didn’t you tell him, Katniss?”

“I forgot…” Katniss’ eyes darkened in realization. “I get it. You think that a baby might save me.”

“Save you from what?” I ask her and my hand reaches for hers.

“Peeta,” Haymitch says to me. “The Reaping is next week.”

++++++

“Why did you do it?” I ask Prim as we eat our small portion of donated broth. “Why did you volunteer?”

“My reasons are not important,” Prim insists. “I just needed my sister to be safe and sound. I’ve always promised to take care of her.”

“That’s noble,” I reply as I look at the fire burning in front of us.

Somewhere outside of our cave are Clove and Cato, the only remaining pair that keep us from becoming Victors. Since the announcement was made that there could be two winners as long as they came from the same District, Prim and I have been on high alert.

We are going to get out. There are no ifs, ands, or buts.

We’re going to live.

“Peeta, what are you going to do when we get out of here?”

Prim lies down on the soft ground and I join her, my stomach no longer able to hold any more broth.

“Look to the West,” I reply without hesitation. “Say everything I feel out loud…I’m not going to hold back anymore.” I turn and give her a small smile. “What about you? Any toastings or babies in your future?”

She shakes her head, her eyes suddenly faraway. “I don’t see myself as a mother.”

“I find that hard to believe,” I tell her. Prim is one of the most selfless people I know. “You would be a perfect, beautiful mother. I can see them now. Blond hair like yours and grey eyes like G—”

“Stop.” She looks to me, hardness in her eyes. “Don’t say it.”

I nod and Prim lays her head on my shoulder as we go silent, lost in our own thoughts in that dark, dripping cave.

“Though…” Her lips are close to my ear and her voice is low to hide our conversation from the audience. “I do like the sound of being Aunt Prim.”

++++++

“Haymitch has been telling everyone I was insane to keep me from mentoring,” I tell Katniss as we lay in our bed, later in the evening.

Her head presses to my chest. “I know. He is protecting you,” she says to me. “Ever since Prim, I think that he’s been unable to shake you off. You are his biggest triumph and his biggest failure.”

“He got a neighbor in this lonely place.” My arm tightens around her protectively. “But, at a price.” I look down at where she rests her head and our eyes meet. “We have to get you ready in case. Just like before.”

“I know,” she whispers and I can hear that slight tremble in her voice. “I can be brave, too. Like her and like you.”

Sitting up, we both look at one another for a moment and I take her—that rich skin, those moonlit grey eyes, and those lips, firm and peach, lifted in a beautiful, heartbreaking smile.

If I lose her, it will be the end of me.

“It’s not about being brave in the Games,” I explain to her. “It’s about being smart. Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Learn new skills in the Training Center and trust no one but yourself. There won’t be a repeat of our Games. There is only going to be one winner. If you get picked, it has to be you. No ifs, ands, or buts. Prim and I—we can’t lose you. Not after we worked so hard to be with you again.”

Katniss stares at me and I watch her swallow softly, holding in scared tears. “I don’t understand.”

“You were always the beacon,” I tell the woman in front of me. “ _Our_ beacon. You are the West—the end. What we looked to when it got too hard.”

She blinks, two fat drops strolling down her face. “What do you mean?”

“Our plan was in the end, the one you needed the most would come back you. I was stupid. I always assumed that we both agreed that it was her.”

“Then, it is my fault,” Katniss suddenly says. “She saw it in my eyes before she left with you.”

I can’t breathe, full of expectancy.

“What?”

“My feelings for you,” she admits tenderly. “She was always looking out for me. Prim always saw things before I did, like how much I cared for you.”

I looked down for a moment. “Cared?”

“No, Peeta.” I’m suddenly aware of how close she is to me, how her forehead is pressed gently against mine and how I can see tiny flecks of cool blue in her otherwise grey eyes. “I _care_. I have always cared. Even when I was told that I shouldn’t.”

My hand reaches to cup her cheek. “Katniss...I want…” My lips ache to press against hers and we struggle through awkward breaths until we are a miniscule moment from a kiss. “…I want you…but I don’t think we’ll able to concentrate on the bigger picture if we’re too busy—”

“Doing what Haymitch thinks that we’re doing?” Katniss responds with a small smile.

“If he only knew,” I mutter.

I want this girl. I want her more than breathing.

 It is a cruel mystery of the mind that I am unable to make love to her.

Kissing her would be cruel because I would want more—and I’d make her want more.

“You have nothing but time, Peeta,” she assures me. “You will get better.”

“But, if you get picked—”

“With your help, I’m going to come back,” Katniss says with certainty. “Then, we will have nothing but time for each other. We will have forever.”

“Can you promise that?” I ask.

“No, but you can get us a step closer to making it happen,” she tells me. Katniss looks around for a moment. “Is Prim with us?”

I shake my head.

Since Haymitch told us that the Reaping was soon, Prim has disappeared. She is devastated over the fact that her sister might be going the Arena. Like she has done for me when I needed time to myself, I do not call for her.

When Prim is ready to see us again, she will.

“Prim might be a ghost but she feels and hurts just like us,” I reply as we lay back down. “She will know when she needs to come back.” Resting my head on my pillow, I hold my arms out to her. “You need to get to sleep.”

Katniss immediately brings her head to rest against my shoulder, her lips almost brushing my neck. “Why?”

“Because tomorrow, you start training.”

++++++

_Two days later…_

“You can do better than that!”

Katniss runs past me in a loose sweatshirt and training pants that once belonged to me. Since we started walking together and I had gotten bulkier, the pants she wears no longer fit me and so she gratefully took them from my wardrobe.

“Go Katniss!” Prim cheers from where she stands on our porch. Besides my friend, Haymitch watches as he whittles a piece of wood into a stake, a training tool for Katniss. “She is getting fast and it’s only been two days.”

I give her a quick smile and nod before Haymitch notices. Katniss and I have trained for hours.

For the last two days, we work from early morning until the sun goes down when we eat until we can’t breathe. Then together, we pass out on our bed, hands entwined, and re-energizing for the same routine.

“I don’t see you running!” Katniss bellows as she rushes past me.

I quickly join her as she runs to the far end of the neighborhood and Katniss turns to give me a brilliant smile. Her cheeks are bright red from the cold air against her heated skin and I smile softly taking in her loveliness.

She nods before pumping her arms and running away from me.

“Hey!” I call out.

I make a turn to follow her when something catches my eyes, a movement close to the archway where the entrance to Victor’s Village stands.

A dark-haired movement.

“It’s Gale.” I turn to see Prim behind me. “He’s been watching you since you both started training.”

I look over to where the entrance is once more and I see him peering at Katniss, who is talking to Haymitch on the porch.

“He doesn’t like her if that’s what you’re thinking,” Prim tells me as I begin to walk. “He’s concerned…and a little scared himself.”

I look to her. “I can relate.”

Prim nods, her eyes on our friend. “So can I.”

Despite our rivalry, Gale and I have always had camaraderie. We are not brothers, but in the woods we fought, we argued, and we joked like we were. As boys, we would unite to play pranks on Katniss and Prim and as we grew, we shared several longing sighs at our respective Everdeen sister.

It is those memories that have me walking over to that entranceway to where he stands. Gale backs away a few steps, his narrow grey eyes staring suspiciously at my much healthier form. He knows that I won’t go down like the last time we met.

“We start at six in the morning,” I inform him. “Dress warm and wear comfortable shoes—we take a break at noon and there is water anytime you need inside my house. There’s even a shooting range in the backyard if you feel like practicing.”

With that, I head back over to Katniss and Haymitch and leave our stubborn Southern King to his thoughts.

++++++

_Two Days Later…_

“You’re not even close to making your time!” Haymitch yells out.

Gale and I run side by side.

Katniss has long given up, having circled our courtyard several times with us. She sits on the stairs of our porch watching Gale and I run around our makeshift track like a queen watching over knights, dueling for her hand.

The day after my offer, Katniss and I found Gale awkwardly standing in front of my house in the most relaxed clothing he could get. Haymitch ended up lending him shoes since they were the same size. He never addresses me but he will occasionally talk to Katniss or Haymitch.

Most of the time, he just mumbles or grunts.

Prim tells me that he’s ashamed of his treatment and I tease her that she still has a crush on our friend.

It’s the first time that Prim ever gets mad at me.

“Come on, you two!” My former mentor calls out.

Haymitch has been surprisingly helpful. He comes out after we have warmed up and through some thinly veiled insults, Katniss and Gale get advice on what can happen in the arena. I go over the preliminary events like the Capitol makeovers. Katniss and Gale cringe when I mention the waxing that Prim and I were each given as well as the Victor Parade where you’re sized up by the other Tributes.

I tell them about Cinna and Portia, who are still the District 12 stylists according to Haymitch. Cinna’s designs for Prim are deemed iconic since she is such a prolific figure to the Capitol. The beautiful angel of District 12 who sacrificed herself for love while I’m seen as the mourning recluse boyfriend.

When Haymitch told Katniss and Gale about the several Capitol women asking if they could help Prim’s mourning boyfriend, I couldn’t help but turn red.

Katniss scowled at his words causing Haymitch to guffaw at her possessiveness.

I look at Gale whose legs are pumping furiously as we run. I have gotten used to running and am moving at the same pace but with less work. He turns to me and I can see that he is analyzing how he can outrun me.

That was always Gale’s problem; he was always worried about being better than me and never about being better for himself.

To mess with him, I move just a little bit ahead and give him a relaxed nod.

“You can do better,” I say in a steady voice, no sense of discomfort in my tone.

He doesn’t answer, instead pumping harder and Gale is suddenly a good foot ahead of me.

When we both reach the porch, Katniss hands Gale a glass of water. Then, she walks to me, eyes glowing and hands me my own glass but not before brushing her fingers across mine.

“You did well,” I tell Gale as I take a sip. “But, I won’t always be there to prod you to be that fast.”

“You never did take a loss well,” he retorts with a scoff.

I almost chuckle before responding, “Let’s not talk about who can’t take a loss well. I clearly remember someone throwing a checker board at me after he lost our tournament.”

A small smirk grows on his lips, “I still think that you cheated.”

“Now boys,” Katniss says easily, an easy grin across her mouth. “We know that this fight could go on forever. Let’s have lunch and you can continue to argue over this. You come too, Haymitch.”

Haymitch follows her into the house as he shakes his head at us. “Were they always like this?”

I look to Gale, who suddenly stands awkwardly next to me. “I just taught Katniss how to make a cheese bun. They go well with the meat that you’ve been giving us.” My eyes suddenly look to the open door where Prim watches us, a smile playing her lips. “And, I still have a checkerboard. Maybe we can play later. Just don’t throw the board at me, it’s actually made of wood.”

A jovial smile appears on Gale’s usually stony face. “I won’t if you don’t give me a reason to throw it.”

Together, we go into the house.

++++++

“Now, remember what I told you,” I say to Katniss. “Listen to Haymitch’s advice. He’s gotten better at mentoring now that he’s laid off the booze. Work on your people skills. You’ll need sponsors though I know that people will love you like I…” I stop and meet Katniss’ eyes. “…like I do.”

“Peeta.” Her hand wraps around the nape of my neck and she pulls me close to press her forehead to mine. “If something happens, I-I...”

Her words halt and I take her into my arms to place a kiss to the side of her neck.

“If you are picked then you are prepared,” I say with confidence, though I feel nothing like that on the inside.

There is a knock on the door. It is Haymitch. He is going to walk with Katniss to the Justice Building along with Gale. Pulling away, we walk to the entryway and I watch the skirt of Katniss’ burgundy dress sway against her toned legs.

Opening the door, I find Haymitch dressed in a pressed suit. He had tied his unruly hair back and I see how striking his grey eyes are. I can almost see why Snow had wanted to make him a prostitute to the elite. His refusal had cost his family their lives.

“You ready?” he asks Katniss and she nods. Turning to me, Haymitch places an envelope in my hand. “Open this tonight.”

“Alright,” I say to him.

“Peeta,” Katniss whispers in my ear as we walk out onto the porch. “Where is Prim?”

I shrug. “I think she’s just as scared as we are about how today will go.”

Prim spent the previous evening watching her sister and singing softly to herself. During training, she sat with Gale during his breaks trying to reach for him. When she finally did, he hissed in surprise and dropped the glass of water he was drinking.

The shock of his reaction seemed to hurt her.

Despite her coolness about her feelings for him, I think Prim hoped that her touch would be the one to bring him comfort.

Nodding in understanding, Katniss reaches and places my hand against her cheek. She kisses my palm and I see her inhale, taking in my scent. When she pulls away, I can see the fear in her eyes.

“Come here,” I beckon and wrap my arms around her. “You’re going to be okay.”

“Please tell me, Peeta,” she asks in my ear. “I just need to hear it. Even if it’s not true. I need something to keep me from falling apart.”

“This isn’t the way I wanted to do this,” I tell her.

“I don’t care,” Katniss replies. “Tell me.”

Pulling away, I lift her chin so I can look into her eyes and memorize every detail of this moment.

“I love you, Katniss. Past the North Star and to the galaxies beyond it, beyond the South and deep to the core, past Hell and towards Heaven, towards the East where the Sun begins and where the future starts, and to the West, where the day ends and infinity begins. That is where I have always loved you.”

Katniss nods, tears glistening in her eyes. “How can I be so happy and so sad at the same time?”

Haymitch coughs awkwardly, interrupting our moment. “We better go.”

“Be safe—both of you,” I say.

I stay on the porch, watching them until they disappear beyond the gate before I sink to my knees in anguish.

++++++

Hours pass.

At least, it feels like it’s been hours since I heard the alert that The Reaping has begun.

Thankfully, Effie did not make an appearance prior to going to the Justice Building as I looked much better than I do now. Anxiously, I wander the house trying to keep myself busy. The house is encompassing. I can’t breathe, relieving every memory with Katniss in our home.

Frustrated, I leave, not quite caring that Haymitch warned me to stay inside until the Capitol Peacekeepers have left, lest one should see me. I wander listlessly and I find myself approaching the Seam, contemplating going to see Mrs. Everdeen.

However, if Katniss is indeed in the Games then I’m the last person that she’ll care to see.

Instead, I find myself climbing under the fence that is supposed to be electrified and towards the familiar parts of the forest where my innocent childhood is buried. I walk past the stream and into a small circular clearing that holds every happy memory that I’ve held in my half-sane mind.

Memories of me and my friends as Kings and Queens.

I go to my spot: the North, where an old oak stands proudly and turning I can barely make out the carved-out ‘P’ that I made using Gale’s pocketknife.

The sun is just beginning to set and I know that the train has long gone.

It is likely that Katniss is on it. She would’ve been back by now.

Maybe Gale is too.

It is just too painful to think about.

_“Look to the West…”_

The memory of Prim’s words suddenly float into my ears.

Prim hasn’t appeared. She must be just as distraught as I am.

I look to the west side of the forest where a beautiful, orange-soaked sun filters through the leaves of the tall trees.

The warmth of it tickles my face and I close my eyes to take in this last sunset before it all begins.

The waiting, the fear, the bleakness that comes with watching the person you love become a piece of the Capitol’s sick game.

“PEETA!”

Her voice suddenly pierces through the still air and my heart stops when I turn to see Katniss rushing towards me, a bright smile on her face and her long, dark hair floating behind her.

Then, she is in my arms and I’m drawing her lips to mine, kissing her thoroughly.

She tastes of salted tears, of hope, of freedom, and of love.

“I love you,” she tells me in-between our joined lips. “I love you…”

“Always, Katniss,” I whisper against her skin, my tears mingling with hers. “You’re mine and I’m yours—always.”

“Beyond that,” Katniss responds into the crook of my neck, her voice wet.

Pulling away slightly, I cup her cheek. “You’re okay…you’re real,” I say in disbelief. She nods, her smile the brightest I’ve ever seen it.

Looking around, my eyes go to the tree opposite of mine. Gale’s tree.

“And, Gale?”

She frowns. “He’s alright—but…”

“But, what?”

“Rory. It was Rory who was chosen,” Katniss tells me solemnly. “That’s why he isn’t here, Gale went to say goodbye.”

“Then, we’re going to help him,” I respond and she agrees heartily.

Silently, we make our way out of the forest, hand in hand. Every once in a while, I reach to kiss her knuckles or she will squeeze my hand just so we can reassure ourselves that we have escaped another nightmare.

We walk home and remember the letter that Haymitch pressed into my hand. This is the first time that I’ve had to possibly assist in mentoring and I think about how I know that it might not be my last time.

When we enter the archway of Victor’s Village, I look to Haymitch’s silent home and realize how much I’m going to miss his curt, snarky presence.

“Peeta!”

This time it is Prim who calls me and I follow her voice to our front porch where she stands.

She’s not alone.

Sitting on the porch is Gale and when our eyes meet, I see the tears on his weary face.

Immediately, he rushes towards us and I am the first to engulf him in my embrace.

I feel Katniss join us and together, Gale and I let her into our hug.

“This is why I’m here,” Prim tells me, her eyes solemn in realization as she watches us. “My one last task: to bring Rory back, for all of us to bring him back—together.”

I meet her eyes to let her know that I understand our mission.

“Come inside,” I say to my friend in a shaky voice as we pull apart. “There is something I want to talk to you about.”

Katniss meets my eyes and nods in agreement.

It’s time for us to tell him about Prim.

* * *

 

My longest chapter to date for this story; I don’t know how I got through this.

Thank you for all of your encouragement because I honestly love writing this story.

And, I love Katniss and Peeta in it—this can definitely be taken to the Catching Fire arc…which I’m thinking of doing.

My brain is melted so I’ll just leave here in a gobbilty-gooble mess.

As always, feedback is encouraged and appreciated!

Until Chapter Five, JLaLa


	5. Messages

Ahh, thank you so much for favorites, kudos, follows and reviews! I enjoyed them all. Just a quick FYI—if you leave a guest comment, I can’t respond to it on FFn so feel free to PM or e-mail me if you’d like a response!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Five:  Messages_

“My King…”

Katniss is bowing in front of me, her two dark braids dipping with her. I grin watching her because she is bending so low that the tips of her hair brush against the golden leaves of our forest floor.

In turn, I jump down from the branch of my oak tree and land in front of her. I’m already crouched down so I get on one knee before her, my head bowed.

“My Queen…” My eyes wander upwards to see Katniss staring down at me, her slightly freckled cheeks darkening as I meet her grey eyes.

I have just turned twelve but it doesn’t escape my thoughts that I have started to see her in a different way.

Her eyes, her smile, her laugh—they seem to constantly run through my mind like rapid pictures in succession, causing my heart to pound and leaving me breathless.

“Are we interrupting?”

Katniss and I turn to see Gale and Prim, grinning at us. Prim is carrying a small bucket of apples while Gale holds a cloth satchel over his shoulder.

“Not at all,” Katniss tells them and looks at the bucket that Prim holds. “Where did you get those?”

“I didn’t get them,” Prim replies and looks over at Gale. “Gale got them for our picnic.” She grabs his hand with her free one. “Let’s go set up in the center.”

I don’t miss Gale’s pleased grin and neither does Katniss.

Katniss looks over at me and snorts. “You would think that it was his birthday.”

“Well, Prim holding his hand is pretty much a gift in itself to Gale,” I tell her. “Do you think that they’ll have a toasting?”

“I think that we’re all too young to be worrying about that,” Katniss replies, a deep frown on her face. “And, it’s our first year to be in the Reaping.”

“We’re going to be alright,” I assure her. “We’ve been training for three years now and we will continue training, until we’ve reached the end.” I see her lips tremble and my hand reaches to lift her chin. “I will protect you—always.”

Katniss smiles up at me and nods. “Okay.”

“HEY LOVEBIRDS!” Gale calls out from where he sits with Prim. The two have set up an appetizing spread on the leaf-covered ground. “Let’s get eating!”

Quickly, Katniss and I join our friends. It’s a warm but overcast afternoon and we had all rushed through our chores to meet for Katniss and Prim’s birthday. I managed to get some burnt loaves from my family’s bakery. Prim brought goat cheese and milk while Gale traded game for apples.

We eat ravenously as we have all worked up an appetite from our morning duties and by the end, there is nothing left. Prim goes to bury the apple cores so that they’ll break down and eventually make soil for growing. She drags Gale with her and gives her sister a conspiratorial grin before disappearing.

I look over at my friend, who has now stretched out on the small blanket to look up at the clearing in-between the blossoming tress. Carefully, I join her and stare up at the small opening that reveals the greying sky.

Moving my fingers, I don’t realize how close my hand is to hers until the tips of my fingers brush against hers. The sensation causes a warm shiver to rush through me.

Growing up is a weird thing, these new sensations causing me to ache in places I never knew I could.

“Katniss,” I suddenly say. “I didn’t have a chance to get you a birthday present.”

She chuckles. “It’s okay.”

Pushing up on my elbow, I turn to look down at her. “No, it’s not.” I brush a stray tendril from her forehead and her breath hitches. “You deserve something special.”

Her hand reaches up to cup my cheek and I find myself leaning down until I’m so close that I could count every freckle on her pretty face.

The smell of sweet apples rises from her lips as she lets out a nervous breath.

And, I know then that she is the only girl that I’ll ever want to kiss.

Suddenly, a droplet splatters on her chin and I look up just as another one hits my eye.

“Katniss! Peeta!” Prim shouts. “Come on!”

Jumping to my feet, I help Katniss up and we rush over to Prim and Gale. Together, we run farther into the forest as our clothes get soaked. I cling to Katniss’ hand as we all search for shelter.

“Over there!” Gale points to a large rock with a small overhanging. “Let’s go.”

We all scramble underneath, relieved to find dry ground. Prim and Katniss are sandwiched together as I sit next to Katniss and Gale sits next to Prim.

“Good eye,” I tell Gale.

He grins at me. “Thanks.” His eyes go to Prim, who is staring out at the wet forest in front of us.

“Happy Birthday,” I tell the twins ruefully and we all chuckle.

“So, this is our first year,” Prim finally says and she takes Katniss’ hand. “Are we ready?”

“Is anyone ever really ready?” I respond.

“Whatever happens, we will take of each other,” Katniss says assuredly and she turns to me, her eyes sparkling in the dimness of our small shelter.

“Because that’s what we do,” Prim adds, her fingers toying with a thin red bracelet on her dainty wrist.

Gale gives us all a smile. “We protect each other.”

++++++

I lead Gale into my living room and he sits down on our couch, his face immediately going to his hands. Prim goes to his side, trying to look into his eyes.

“I tried…I tried…” he murmurs. “But, I couldn’t move—couldn’t speak.”

“It’s all my fault,” Prim tells me, her eyes laced with guilt. “I did it. I made it happen.”

“I don’t understand,” Katniss says to Gale from where she stands next to me. “What do you mean?”

Gale looks up at us from his seat, his grey eyes bloodshot.

“I tried to walk forward but it was like something was pushing me back,” he says in choked voice. “And then, I tried to speak to volunteer…and it was like something was covering my mouth. My lips felt cold and numb. Before I knew it, Rory was gone.”

“I did it, Peeta,” Prim repeats quietly. “Somehow, I found myself at that Reaping next to him. I put my hand to his chest so he couldn’t move. I knew he was going to volunteer and my hand was at his mouth…I don’t know why I did it.”

“Is it possibly because you care?” I burst out abruptly.

Katniss whips her head at me. “What did she do?”

Gale suddenly stands up, looking between us. “What the hell is going on?”

“Sit down,” I command in a terse voice. There are just too many people talking at me. Gale complies but with a glare. “I need to find a way to explain this.”

My eyes go to the coffee table where the envelope that Haymitch has given us lay.

Distractedly grabbing it, I rip it open and unfold the stationary page.

In an elegant, sloppy scrawl, Haymitch’s message is a single sentence: ‘ _My house—9:00 PM_.’

I look to Katniss. “Sweetheart, what time is it?”

“8:00,” Katniss replies. “Why?” I hand her the letter and she reads over it quickly. “What does he mean?”

Shrugging, I let out an exasperated breath. “I have no idea but right now, we need to explain _her_ to him.”

I look over at where Gale sits, his eyes on us. This isn’t going to be easy.

“I know why you couldn’t move, couldn’t speak,” I suddenly say. Going to my friend, I sit on the coffee table in front of him. My eyes briefly look to Prim, who nods resolutely. “It’s because Prim stopped you.”

Gale’s mouth drops open as he processes my words, his eyes trained at me. Katniss stands frozen in the same spot and we wait for him to respond to what I have just said.

For a moment, there is nothing but the sound of the ticking clock in the entryway and my nervous shaky breathing.

“You really have gone insane,” he finally tells me. However, there is no anger, only sad resignation. “For a moment, I thought we really got you back—”

Gale stands abruptly but Prim suddenly jumps to her feet. Her hand reaches out in front of him to stop him from walking and he freezes, falling back onto the couch.

“What the hell?” He looks over at me in shock. “What are you doing?”

“I’ve been sitting here the whole time!” I respond indignantly. “IT’S HER!”

Gale shakes his head in disbelief. “Who?”

“Prim!” I shout at him.

“Tell him...he was the last one to see me before we got on the train,” Prim says in a rushed voice.

“You were the last to see her before we left for the Capitol,” I tell Gale hurriedly.

“The red string bracelet on his wrist, he gave it to me on our twelfth birthday,” she continues tightly. “And, I gave it back to him before I left.”

My eyes go to the thin red bracelet on his wrist. “You gave that to Prim on her and Katniss’ twelfth birthday and she gave it back to you before she boarded the train.”

Gale covers the bracelet with his other hand, the doubt in his slate eyes weakening. “So?”

“He told me that it was the red string of fate,” Prim whispers in a broken voice.

It is like she is finding it all out for the first time, her own eyes filling with tears of heartbreak.

“You told her that it was the red string of fate,” I finally say.

“Before he left me, I told him that the time, place, and circumstance are inconsequential,” she continues, her voice thick. “That we are always connected…destined—through that red string.”

I take a deep breath before repeating her words.

“And, she told you, time, place, and circumstance are inconsequential. That you were always connected…destined—through that red string.”

“I remember now,” Prim says. She begins to cry, her hand reaching to swipe her eyes. “I did love him. But, I knew that I wasn’t going to come back. That’s why I never kissed him; it would have been too hard to let go if I did.”

I don’t repeat the last part.

Katniss sits next to me, her hand reaching for mine.

We wait for Gale to speak.

We wait for him to do _anything_.

For a long while, Gale toys with the string, his fingers moving over the bracelet gently as he stares down at it.

Finally, he meets my eyes, tears running down his sculpted, ashen face.

“Tell me,” he begins in a pained voice. “Is she still as beautiful as I remember?”

++++++

When it is ten minutes to nine, I stand up and turn to my friends.

I have spent the last hour explaining Prim’s presence to Gale, how I can’t remember how long she’s been with me or why she remains. I describe her as best I can until Katniss suggests that I draw a picture of her. So, I spend the remaining time sketching my friend who sits patiently next to Gale, her eyes fastened on him the whole time.

The sketch brings Katniss to tears and she tells Prim how she has grown even more beautiful. Gale remains silent but he takes the picture and folds it into his pocket for safe-keeping.

“I have to get to Haymitch’s.” I press a kiss to Katniss’ forehead and then look to Gale, who is staring into our blazing fireplace. “You can stay as long as you want.”

Gale stares up at me, his eyes still red and shining.

“I know that you didn’t think that you were going alone,” he says as he stands. “I’m coming with you.”

“Me, too,” Katniss says as she joins us on our feet.

Behind her, Prim nods. My friend has not spoken since the flood of memories came back to her. She looks worn out and I feel her sagging under the weight of her words.

“We protect each other,” Prim whispers to me.

“Okay,” I agree and look to each of them. “Let’s go.”

Quietly, we all march out of the house and head across the twenty feet that leads us to Haymitch’s home. I’ve never been inside and there is a part of me that is curious as to what I’ll find in there.

Walking onto his porch, I go to the door and turn the knob easily. No one would ever dare to break into a Victor’s home, especially Haymitch’s. Long ago, I found out that he slept with a knife under his pillow, just in case.

Paranoia is another not-so-lovely part of a Victor’s life. You’re always stuck in the Games.

Turning on the light in the entryway, I see right away that our houses are completely identical. Haymitch, however, has started a liquor bottle collection—all over his floors. We walk through a maze of different colored jugs, the soles of our shoes sticking to the liquor-stained hardwood.

I flip the light switch in his living room to reveal a paper-littered room. “We should clean this place up.”

“After we find out what is going on,” Katniss says though she begins to move the papers on his couch onto the coffee table.

There is a sudden, shrill ring coming from the corner of the room and we all turn to the table with the telephone on it.

“It’s 9:00,” Gale informs me. “It must be him.”

Quickly, I walk over and hesitantly pick up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Peeta, it’s me,” Haymitch says through the phone and I relax at the sound of his coarse voice. “How are you?”

“I’m better,” I tell him. “Katniss is home with me, where she belongs.”

“It’s good to hear you so happy,” he responds.

We go silent for a moment.

“Peeta,” Haymitch suddenly calls out over the phone. “I don’t know if you realize what has happened since you returned home. But, there was a bit of an upstart.”

“An upstart?” I repeat.

“Well, it was more than just a bit,” my former mentor tells me. “Peeta, when Prim swallowed the nightlock—it started something. People in the Capitol were angry. People in the other Districts were angry. Snow and his cronies played a bad card by changing the rules.”

“I don’t understand,” I say to him.

“Riots occurred,” he tells me. “District 11, where Rue and Thresh were from, burnt their work buildings to the ground. Several Peacekeepers were killed in other Districts. Snow’s popularity dropped in the Capitol and for once, he looked weak. We realized that this was our chance. Our chance to make things right. There was only one problem.”

“What?”

“You weren’t okay,” Haymitch states, “And, we needed a leader…we _need_ a leader.”

The realization of his words hits me. “You want me to help stop the Games?”

The man laughs gruffly. “Trust me when I tell you that you are not alone, Peeta. There are people who support you and there are people who have suffered just as you have. Let’s not make Rory another one of us; he’s still so innocent.”

Rory is only fourteen.

At sixteen, the Games destroyed my mind.

And, they will drive Rory’s young mind to the forefront of insanity.

“What should I do?” I ask immediately.

“Help me mentor him,” Haymitch tells me. “We can help him win. When he does, it will prove to those who still believe in the Rebellion that you are the leader that we’ve been waiting for.”

“How can anyone still believe in me?” I say to him. “You’ve been telling everyone that I’m crazy.”

“Someone in the Capitol is willing to let me use their home to contact you. Also, hold on—”

There’s a shuffle which is followed by a quiet, trembling “Hello?”

I turn to look at Gale and Katniss, who are looking through the pieces of scattered papers. “Rory?”

Immediately, they are at my side and pulling seats over to be close to me. Prim sits on the floor, her eyes staring in interest as I speak.

“Yeah, it’s me,” the boy says in a hushed voice. “Haymitch said that you could help. That you’re strong and clever, that the Capitol is afraid of what will happen if they find out that you’re okay.”

“Rory,” I begin, anxious to help him. So, I ask the first thing that comes to mind. “What are the subjects you’re best at in school?”

“I’m good at biology and math,” he tells me.

“Those can be handy in the Arena,” I inform him. “Be sure to read up on plants that can help you in First Aid, or can be eaten, if needed.” My eyes go to Prim, who is staring up at me with round eyes. “Know which ones are dangers to you. Be able to calculate how many steps you have walked and in what direction. The Arena is made to trick you, but the Gamekeepers accurately depict the sky so use constellations to your advantage.”

“I understand,” Rory replies. He goes quiet for a moment. “Can you give Gale a message?”

I smile. “I can do you one better—hold on.” I hand the phone to my friend. “He wants to talk to you.”

Gale takes it eagerly. “Rory?” His face lights up hearing his brother’s voice. “How are you?”

Haymitch wants me to be a leader.

The problem is I don’t know if I’m good enough or strong enough to live up to this expectation. All I ever wanted to do was lead a normal life. I wanted to run my family’s bakery. I wanted to marry Katniss—Merchant and Seam lines, be damned, and I wanted to have children with her.

Children, who could one day be sent to a Reaping.

A Victor’s children are especially popular in the Games.

I turn to watch Gale on the phone, talking in quiet tones to his brother. Prim is watching him longingly and I see her tentatively place a hand on his shoulder. The last time she tried had not been successful.

This time however, instead of flinching, Gale puts his hand to the same spot, the tips of his fingers moving gently, back and forth.

I know then that there is still hope.

++++++

“Peeta?” I turn to see Katniss watching me worriedly. “What did Haymitch say?”

Taking her hand, I lead her out to the front porch. Together, we sit down on its steps and I put an arm around her, pulling her close. Katniss, in turn, places her head on my shoulder. We are silent for a moment, content and happy, to just be in one another’s company.

Hope—our love grows quietly in it.

“There was some sort of uprising,” I start to tell her. “When Prim died, people were upset. There were riots and Peacekeeper killings, according to Haymitch. Snow’s popularity waned and it seemed like the prime opportunity to take him down.”

She places her hand over mine. “So, what happened?”

“I wasn’t okay,” I tell her. “They wanted me to help—to be some sort of leader to this rebellion, but I wasn’t strong enough. I’m not strong enough.”

I take in a breath, my shoulders sinking as I do.

“King Peeta,” Katniss admonishes. “You are stronger than you think. You’re the North Star—people look to you when they’re lost because you know how to lead them. You are constant, wise, and brave. Since we were children, I’ve always known that.”

I turn, my lips close enough to brush against hers. “My Queen…is that why you love me?”

“No.” Katniss leans forward to press her lips to mine. “You are all that I said you are. But, I love the boy whose eyes I met as I sang the Valley Song.”

I smile against her lips. “You remember that?”

“The moment I looked at you, I was singing for you and only you,” she says to me. “I became braver in your presence. Because, that’s what you do, Peeta. Without even meaning to, you have a way of making people feel like they can conquer anything. Don’t take that trait for granted.”

“I’m not strong without you,” I respond.

My fingers go to the tip of her braid and I caress the soft ends. How many times have I wished to do this? Too many times.  So gently, I remove the band that holds it together before carefully running my hands through to unravel the braid. Beautiful, raven waves surround her sweet face and my hand freezes halfway through her tendrils to feel her hair in my hands.

Katniss closes her eyes, a small content sigh escapes her mouth and it causes my blood to run hot.

Desire courses through me and I can’t help but close the space between us by reaching my mouth to savor her lips.

She responds, her own hand going to my hair to press me closer and deepen our kiss. Her tongue brushes against mine and pleasure spikes up my body. I feel dizzy and breathless, drowning in the taste of Katniss.

More. I need more of her.

For every day that we have been apart I need a million more.

There is a small cough and we pull away, breaths heaving, to see Gale in the open doorway. He takes in our disheveled state before looking to me.

“Haymitch wants to speak to you,” he tells me, a ghost of a smirk on his lips.

Nodding, I get up and rush past him, attempting to quiet the desire coursing through my body.

It’s as I get to the phone when I realize the twitch in my pants.

This is really the worst moment for this to happen for the first time in two years.

Taking a calming breath, I pick up the receiver. “Haymitch?”

“Same time tomorrow,” he says to me. “I’ll make sure to explain the Training Center to Rory. He looks about the same height as Gale and could be just as strong. Also, I’ll work on his social skills as best I can.”

“Effie would be a definite help,” I reply. “And, Cinna will know how to make him look good. Rory won’t be a hard sell. He’s a charming, good-looking kid. Give him the right tools and he’ll have many sponsors. How about the girl tribute?”

“She’s a Merchant—and has locked herself in her room,” Haymitch tells me sadly. “Her name is Jean; her parents run the hardware store. I’ll keep trying with her.”

“I understand,” I say sadly. “It’s hard to have hope in this situation.”

“And, we can only have one winner,” Haymitch tells me truthfully.

I don’t respond because, though I know it is wrong, it is reality.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” I tell him. Suddenly, I find myself worried about my former mentor. “Be careful, okay?”

Haymitch laughs into the phone. “I didn’t know you cared.”

I don’t respond. My mind is full of everything that has happened within the day.

The line goes dead and I hang up just as Katniss and Gale return with Prim following behind them.

“I’ll be coming back tomorrow,” I tell them.

They both nod before Katniss starts organizing the papers on Haymitch’s coffee table.

“We might as well clean the place up if we’re going to be here every night,” she explains before continuing to organize the papers. “What are these anyway?”

Katniss sits on the couch and looks through the pile. She stops when she reaches a small stack and she puts her hand to her mouth to cover her gasp.

“What’s wrong?” I ask and walk over to her.

She doesn’t respond. Instead, Katniss pulls out the bundle and hands them to me.

Reading over them, I feel the blood drain from my face.

They’re medical reports from my post-Games examination.

I don’t know why Haymitch has them though it’s likely that he kept them should anyone have issues about me being unable to mentor. Reading over the analysis, I can see why Katniss would be frightened by seeing the words on it.

_Contusions…tracker jacker poisoning…seizures…psychosis…extreme paranoia…self-harming tendencies…_

I sit next to her and take her hand. “This was me, two years ago. I hope you can understand that. And, I’m not fully okay, but I am trying.”

Katniss turns to me, her eyes firm. “I know. Remember, I still see the boy who I sang to.” She presses her forehead to mine. “One day, will you tell me everything?”

I nod frantically, worriedly. “I’ll tell you anything you want—just don’t leave.”

“My King, you know that you’re stuck with me, right?” She smiles gently at me. “Always.”

I nod shyly, overcome with love for this woman in front of me. “Always.”

There’s another cough but this time it’s Prim. “You’re making it awkward for Gale…and for me.”

Chuckling, I look over to where Gale is gathering the liquor bottles into a pile.

“Prim says that we’re making it awkward for you both.”

He smiles tiredly. “It’s only natural to be happy when you’re with the one you love.”

Walking towards Gale, I bend over to join him in standing up the bottles. I can see how weary he is, how much anguish is still running through his body. Our Southern King, so burdened with worry, so full of energy and fire.

I think how well suited he and Prim were as she was as calm as a stream.

“We’re going to do this,” I assure him. “We’ll help Rory together—as a team.”

Gale sits back and I see him rest his trembling hands on his thighs. “How are we going to do that?”

At this moment, I have no answers.

“Peeta! Gale!”

We stand abruptly at Katniss’ panicked call.

Rushing over to where she sits on the couch, I stop at the sight before me.

Prim is kneeling in front of the coffee table, her blue eyes concentrated as she drags her finger against the dust on the dark wood.

Besides, Gale lets out a shocked gasp so I know he is seeing what I see.

The Eastern Queen is calling us to arms.

Prim stops, resting back against the cushions of the couch but there is a small, content smile on her face.

Katniss stands up and traces her index finger over the word that Prim has written as if to try to grasp her small connection to her twin.

Carefully, Gale and I walk to the table to read Prim’s message.

There, written in her familiar, pretty script, is a single word surrounded in gloomy dust:

_Hope._

* * *

 

You say you want a revolution…

Yes, I’m singing to you after this crazy chapter.

I know that it was a difficult one as we are now immersing ourselves full on into the Games. And with that return of the Games in Peeta’s life, it is only natural that we begin to see what happened after the Games, including more about Peeta’s post-Games examination.

Also, now that Peeta is starting to come back to life—in more than one way, we’ll see a little bit of how he and Katniss grow together.

‘The Red String of Fate’ comes from both Chinese and Japanese legend. It is also referred to as ‘The Red String of Marriage’ and is considered to link soulmates/lover despites ‘time, place and circumstance’.

I’m a little exhausted by this chapter, but I think that it came out how I wanted.

As always, feedback is greatly desired and appreciated!

Also, as I stated above, if you’re anon and trying to get a response from me—you can’t on FFn, so please e-mail me. I believe the link is on my main page.

Until Chapter Six, JLaLa

  


 

 


	6. Fireflies

You are all amazing! Thank you for your words of support!

The characters of The Hunger Games trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Six: Fireflies_

“Ow,” Prim says as she rubs the side of her porcelain leg. “Did they take hair from you?”

“Yeah,” I reply with a grimace.

My legs, my chest, my underarms…and some other places have been waxed to an inhuman smoothness. Before that, I was scrubbed down, washed, and then shampooed until my hair smelled like roses. That actually wasn’t unpleasant and I thought I was safe.

Until they came in with the wax.

“I thought we were supposed to meet our stylists separately,” Prim remarks as we sit together in our thin cloth gowns. “What do you think is happening?”

“I don’t know.”

The room is gunmetal grey, cold, and sterile. It makes me miss the warmth of the woods and the familiarity of District 12. I wonder what my family is doing right now. Despite my mother’s cold goodbye, seeing her would be a godsend at the moment.

Most of all, I miss Katniss.

I wonder how she is handling it all. Katniss wasn’t able to say goodbye before I left but I didn’t expect her to. She needed time with Prim.

“She told me to tell you goodbye—” Prim suddenly says quietly. “—to be safe and that she would be thinking of you.”

“I wish I could’ve told her,” I admit to Prim. “So much damn time wasted…and now—”

I stop because the door opens and our stylists enter. They are both dark-skinned with large, expressive eyes and pleasant expressions. The man is neatly shaven, his face makeup-less with the exception of gold eyeliner on his eyelids. The woman is wearing a fuchsia wig, her skin is luminous and her lashes are long and dark.

“My name is Cinna,” the man speaks first in a soothing voice. “I’m going to be Prim’s stylist.” He reaches forward and takes Prim’s hand. “You are a very brave young woman.”

Prim shakes her head, her blue eyes solemn. “It was what needed to be done.”

“And, I’m Portia.” The woman meets my eyes and smiles kindly. “I’m your stylist. It’s not going to be hard to work with you. You’re a very handsome boy.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” I say shyly.

“It’s not common, but, we thought that we would meet you together,” Cinna begins. “Obviously, we want to give you the best chance to get sponsors and gain popularity.” He looks between us. “May I ask? Are you two…involved?”

My face burns and I’m sure Prim’s is beet red, too.

“No,” I tell him firmly. “We’ve been friends since we were kids along with Gale, our friend…and Katniss, Prim’s twin sister.”

Portia doesn’t fail to notice the tremor in my voice when I say Katniss’ name. She takes my hand and gives it a squeeze before nodding over at Cinna.

“I could see that there is a closeness between yourself and Prim,” Cinna continues. “It makes sense now that I know you’ve been friends for so long.”

“We’ve been training since we were nine, just in case,” Prim responds in a tight voice. “Just because we’re from District 12, we weren’t about to be underestimated by the Careers if any of us were picked.”

“We just didn’t expect that two of us would get chosen,” I add. “But, we’re prepared to fight.”

Prim looks about ready to crumble so I take her hand.

“Why don’t we get something to eat?” Portia suggests. She goes to Prim and takes her hand to lead her outside of the sterile room.

Now, it is just Cinna and I.

“Cinna,” I start. “Whatever you and Portia create for us—make Prim the centerpiece. She has to get sponsors because she has to win.”

The man stares sadly at me. “Why are you selling yourself short, Peeta?”

“I’m not meant to go home,” I reply, my voice starting to shake. “But, Prim…she has her mother, and our friend Gale—he loves her, I think…just hasn’t built up the nerve to say so. Most of all, Prim has Katniss…” I let out a short breath. “She means the world to Prim…and to me.”

Cinna stares at me for a moment and I see the faint glimmer of tears in his eyes. The Capitol people are not known for these kinds of emotions so I’m surprised to see such a response from him.

“I’ll do my best,” he replies after a moment, looking at me in admiration. “You’re a brave man, Peeta.”

++++++

My eyes open and I shoot up in bed, cold sweat soaking my body. It is still dark in my bedroom and I let out a relieved gasp that I’m not in that sterile little room with Cinna, Portia, and Prim.

It seemed so real.

“Peeta.” I turn to see Katniss sitting up, her grey eyes full of worry. “Are you okay?”

“I had a dream,” I tell her as our eyes meet and I catch my breath. “About our time in the Capitol.”

“Will you tell me about it?” she asks carefully. “I just want to learn a little about what you were going through, what Prim went through before…” Her eyes fill and she looks out ahead of us into the darkness of our bedroom. “I just want to feel connected to you both somehow.”

I gather her in my arms and her head goes to my chest as we lay back.

“You are connected to us,” I tell her, “Our number one mission was to get one of us back to you. We met our stylists together. Their names were Cinna and Portia.” I briefly describe the two to Katniss before continuing. “I told Cinna to highlight Prim, to make sure that people noticed her—and they did. The Capitol loved her.”

“I remember watching the Tribute Parade,” she tells me. “Prim was beautiful, pure and golden, like a Queen. You were both beautiful—and you took her hand. I hate to admit, but it was the first time that I was ever jealous of Prim in that way.”

“She almost fell off of the chariot,” I tell Katniss with a small smile. “Prim was nervous. There were so many people and it was so loud that she began to tremble. The Capitol was such a huge culture clash for both of us. I had to tell her to smile, too.”

“Is that what that was?” She looks up at me in relief. “We were watching in the Town Square and from certain angles, it almost looked like you kissed her neck.” Katniss places a hand to my chest. “Gale was upset and I…was numb.”

“Numb?”

“I told myself that you were both scared, that it was all for comfort,” Katniss replies. “No one could complain that you needed to be with one another. You thought you were going to die. You had to find relief somehow.”

“Katniss.” She looks up, hearing the sudden harshness in my voice. “That was the last thing on our minds. Not when we were connected to people who weren’t with us. I would rather have died not being kissed and never being loved that way. Because, I knew that kind of love and those kinds of kisses were only for you. No one else. That image of being yours and only yours, I kept that with me—till the very end.”

“I’m sorry,” Katniss whispers into the chilled air. “I never meant to imply—”

“It’s over.”

I feel myself shutting off and I turn to look out at the moon beaming into our room, crumbling in memories of the Arena, the Capitol, and those strange first days as a Tribute.

“Peeta,” Katniss says quietly. “I know that I can’t understand what happened to you both, but I tried and I still try to. I watched you and Prim every day. I lost track of everything. I didn’t hunt, or eat, or sleep. I was always there with you.”

Why do I do this?

I’m hurting the only girl I’ve ever loved by pushing her away, by closing off. There is still that deep-rooted fear that once she sees me, the Peeta whose heart and mind were battered by the Games, that she will not be able to deal.

“Sometimes I’m not going to be okay,” I tell her. “Sometimes I’m going to close my eyes and clench my fists until they bleed. Sometimes I will wake up from nightmares about mutts, tracker jackers, and watching Prim eat that nightlock. Sometimes I won’t be able to distinguish between what is real or not real. I’m scared to give you a child because I don’t know if I’m stable enough to be a father.”

Katniss meets my eyes, a determined fire in them.

“I’m going to be there,” she responds in a quiet, steely voice. “I’m going to clean those wounds when you let go and I’ll rub your back until those nightmares fade away. I will be there to tell you, ‘Real’. And, I’m scared to have children, too, not because I don’t think you’re stable but because the Games are still happening. However, you have a chance to change that and I’ll be there for you if you decide to go forward or run.”

“Where would we run?” I ask her in a shaky voice.

“Into the forest,” Katniss replies. “We could do it.”

“They’d find us,” I reply and my lips relax into a small smile. “But, I like that thought.”

Together, we both lay our heads back on our pillows facing one another and Katniss takes my hand.

“I love you, Peeta.” Katniss’ eyes bore into mine, full and truthful. “To the sun, the moon, the stars—and in every direction known and unknown, through time and space, and with every part of me. We are bonded in a way that no one will understand, including us.”

Her hand reaches to caress my cheek and I take her wrist to guide her hand around the nape of my neck. Katniss finds her way to my side of our bed, pressing her chest to mine, and I tentatively wrap an arm around her waist to feel her fully against me.

It’s only been a day since the Reaping, since Rory was taken away, since Prim made herself known to Gale, since Katniss declared that she loved me as I have loved her. But, it feels like ages ago, like we’ve lived a million lifetimes between these moments.

And, it feels like it’s been a lifetime since I’ve held her, since I kissed her.

Carefully, I lean down and touch my lips to hers. Her warm breath against my lips causes a fire to rush through my veins, awakening nerves and neurons inside this hollow body that my damaged soul hides in.

Katniss pulls me closer, her lips pressing harder to experiment this new aspect of our relationship. Her caress calls the broken parts of me, piecing me together with each tentative kiss and as she grows bolder, so do I.

I taste the inside of her mouth fully, the remnants of mint toothpaste along her teeth. Her tongue darts out to move against mine and the long buried ache comes full force.

Pulling away, I gasp out to calm my reaction to her touch.

“Are you alright?” she asks worriedly.

“Yes,” I replied breathlessly and shift uneasily. “I just need a minute.”

I’m fully erect, for the first time in two years, just off of a few kisses from her.

I can only imagine what would happen if we went further.

I just might explode.

“Did I kiss you the wrong way?” she whispers.

Shaking my head, I pull her close to me.

“No, sweetheart…not at all. You actually did a little too well.”

“What?” Katniss moves against me, her pelvis brushing against my length, and her eyes widened in realization. “Oh—sorry…”

“No,” I say, “I don’t know much, but I know that this is a good thing. I haven’t had a reaction like this in a long time, not since before the Games.”

She nods thoughtfully and I can see her blush, even in the darkness of the room. “And, I did that?”

“You’re the only one who could,” I say truthfully, my own voice quieting at the end.

We fall into an awkward silence, still in one another’s arms, and I take a breath to calm myself down.

“Peeta?”

I look to where Katniss rests her head on my chest once more. “Yeah?”

“Is Prim around?”

Since Katniss has been sleeping with me, Prim does not enter our room. She will call out from the hallway or even knock though I’m the only one who can hear it. As Katniss and I grow closer, Prim finds ways to leave us alone.

This time she followed Gale home, the realization of love and longing looming over her ghostly form.

“No, she went off with Gale,” I inform Katniss. “I think that remembering what they had is just as hard on her as it is for him.” I give her a smile. “Why? Were you planning to ravage me?”

Katniss gives me a mock-glare before her lips break out into a laughing smile. Her mirth breaks the awkwardness of the moment and soon I’m chuckling with her. She attempts to sock me but I grab onto her wrists to prevent her from landing a punch. She then tries to overpower me but can’t seem to escape my clutches.

“All that training that we did, Katniss…come on!” I tease. “I’m a lot weaker than I was before.”

“You’re bluffing,” she responds. “You can easily overpower me.” Turning quickly, Katniss is suddenly straddling me. “But, you’re not as quick.”

The laughter fades from our lips when we realize the position she is in.

“You’re wrong,” I tell her in a tight voice. “You can overpower me.”

Katniss looks down at me for a moment before shifting hesitantly. My reaction is instantaneous as she unconsciously rocks along my now-rigid cock.

I let out a groan and her mouth falls open at the sound. She is flush in the moonlight and through the thin nightshirt she wears I can see two hard peaks drawing out in the thick air.

I don’t move, stuck in the hypnotic spell of watching her move atop me—eyes closed, breathing harsh, and slack-mouthed, as she tries to experiment with what motions give her the most pleasure.

Minutes…hours…lifetimes pass—time has no meaning as she sits astride me, letting out small, sharp gasps of desire and causing that fire inside me to blaze with hunger.

Only scraps of cloth separate us, but that doesn’t dampen the incredible feeling of _her_.

“Peeta…” she gasps, her eyes going to me, an unbridled lust in them, “I-I’m…”

“It’s okay.” Drawing her down until she is flush against my chest, I brush my lips to hers. “Let go, sweetheart. It’s okay…”

My hand goes to the nape of her neck, teasing her tongue to deepen our kiss. Her movements become frantic and I feel myself on the edge when she suddenly lets out a muffled, thick wail into my mouth. I can feel my release and I let out a slight moan as my climax overcomes me. I’m dizzy by it all and lay gasping, unable to grip what has just happened.

When our eyes meet once more, we are both pink with embarrassment. I need to change my pajama bottoms and when she moves off of me, I can see the slick sheen in-between her thighs, evidence of her own climax.

Sitting up, I give her a small smile. “I should clean up, and I’ll grab some other sheets.”

She nods and I turn trying to cool my heated skin as I go to the closed door.

“Peeta?”

I turn and she is jumping out of the bed, into my arms, bringing her lips to mine.

Her kiss tells me, ‘ _I love you’_ … ‘ _I need you’_ … ‘ _Always_ ’…and I respond.

I smile against her lips. “My Queen…”

The tension is broken and Katniss lets out a relieved laugh at my greeting.

 She pulls me close, her tender whispers in my ear, “My King…I’m yours…always.”

++++++

The next night, we are back at Haymitch’s house in hopes that we’ll receive a call. Since he is busy schmoozing rich Capitolites in hopes of promoting Rory, I have no idea if he will be able to contact us.

While I have a projector in my house, I know nothing of the clunky machine. It is Gale who assembled the machine in Haymitch’s living room so that we can watch the Tribute Parade and Opening Ceremony. Prim sits next to her sister while I opt to sit in the chair adjacent to Katniss.

Gale looks over at the open space next to Katniss. “She’s sitting right there, isn’t she?”

I nod at him. “How’d you know?”

“Because whenever they sat together, they would sit exactly the way Katniss is now,” Gale responds, a smile on his lips.

He seems much more content and I remember those small, light touches that Prim gave him during his talk with Rory. Maybe she is helping somehow, removing all those heavy feelings that our Southern King represses inside of himself.

I look over and realize that Prim is sitting just like Katniss, feet curled under her with her elbow on the arm rest. It’s like looking at a mirror image.

“I never noticed that,” I reply.

My eyes go to Katniss and I notice that she is staring at me.

When she realizes that I see her, Katniss goes rosy and so do I.

This morning we awoke, sated from intimate touches, and basking in the glow of new-found passion. We lay in bed, content to be close, until my hand found its way in-between her thighs and I learned exactly what I did to her body.

My morning erection was over once my fingers slid into her slick, tight flesh.

“My sister is glowing,” Prim muses before turning to me, a grin on her face. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” I respond evenly though my friend knows I’m already lying.

Katniss looks to the space next to her before looking to me. “She knows, doesn’t she?”

I shake my head to calm her panicked stance.

“I can read it on her face,” Prim tells me. “But, tell her that I’m just speculating.”

“She’s just speculating,” I assure Katniss.

Gale lets out a high-pitched whistle. “Well, whatever you two were or were not doing doesn’t matter—the parade is starting.”

I put my palm to my ear and glare at my friend. “I hate when you whistle like that.”

“I know,” he responds with a smirk. “That’s why I do it.”

My eyes go to the projection as the first of the chariots enters the City Circle where the Opening Ceremony takes place. Everyone in attendance is dressed in their Capitol best and my stomach turns remembering that dazed ride through that same courtyard.

I can almost feel the ground rumbling underneath my feet as if I’m still standing in that chariot, trying my best to not vomit.

“It’s like I’m back in there,” Prim says, her eyes on the screen as the District 1 Tributes make their way to the front, bedecked in nothing but strategically placed fur as being a furrier is a distinguished job in the District.

I look to her and nod. “I almost smell that perfumed air in my nose.”

Katniss looks to me as does Gale. “What?”

“It’s like we’re both back there,” I say, my voice constrained. “Nothing but noise all around us and feeling like you’re not even in your body.”

Reaching out, Katniss takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.

“Rory is coming out,” Gale suddenly calls out and we focus on the screen.

Rory and his counterpart, the sullen-looking, Jean, arrive in their chariot. Neither smile instead looking foreboding in their dark unitards and capes. Rory is almost as tall as Gale, though not as broad, but he looks proud and menacing. If he makes it out alive, with his olive skin and penetrating grey eyes, Rory will no doubt be used as a Capitol Jewel.

That thought alone steels my reserve and I take in a slow, calming breath.

Suddenly, beautiful orange flames burst forth from their outfits to the shock and delight of the crowd. In the midst of the fire, Rory continues his strong stance, his proud stare never breaking. Even Jean seems to straighten a bit at the attention they’re getting.

When they finally get to their appointed spots, the flames immediately extinguish and my stomach turns when President Snow steps up to the podium.

During my coronation ceremony, I was so drugged with laudanum that I could barely stand.

But, I remember his disgusted stare as he looked at my wasted shape.

As he placed the crown on my head, Snow shook his head saying that no one in the Capitol would desire a manic, drugged Victor for a night companion and that it was a shame that Prim had taken her life—as she would’ve fetched a better price.

His welcome speech is drowned out from the sudden buzzing in my ears, the chills coursing through my body, and the sudden rush of voices telling me I’m nothing but a disgusting mutt…a Capitol whore…a waste of a Victor.

“Peeta!” Prim is calling out to me and when I turn to her, I feel my eyes blurring. “PEETA! STOP!”

Somewhere I hear the sound of glass breaking. Prim has pushed a vase, a liquor bottle that Katniss stuck a daisy in, off the middle of the pristine coffee table. We had managed to clean up the living room, all of us deciding to tackle the next rooms within the next few days.

“It’s not real.”

_Her_ voice breaks through and the buzzing stops. My eyes open to see Katniss kneeling in front of me, her hands on my face as Gale restrains me by the wrists.

“Peeta, it’s not real…”

I look down at my hands realizing that I have squeezed so hard that there is a pool of blood dripping onto the floor; my nails have cut into my palms.

My eyes go to Katniss’ wide, teary greys and her hands move to wipe the tears from my eyes.

“What happened?” Gale asks, his eyes looking over me. His hands still holding my wrists and I can see that he is anxious that I’ll attempt to hurt myself once more.

“I do this sometimes,” I inform him, my voice just barely above a whisper. “I flashback. I don’t know how I get triggered but it could be a number of things. I was in that Capitol hospital for days so I don’t know what they did to me or what they gave me, but there are still after-effects.”

Gale nods. He goes to turn off the projector. “I’ll go look for some bandages.”

I look to Katniss, my eyes filling in frustration.

“You see? I’m not right in the head. How can you think that I could never hurt our child? I’m a monster!”

“You would never hurt our child,” she assures me. “Because you’ve never laid a hand on me and I know that you never will. Bring on your worst, Peeta Mellark. I’m here…always. Wherever you go, I will find you. In the deepest, darkest recesses of your mind, I’ll guide you out and into the sun. You just have to trust me and trust yourself.”

I press my forehead to hers, a sob escaping my lips. “Help me…”

“I will, sweetheart,” Katniss whispers, her eyes gazing into mine, love so full in them that the monster inside of me retreats as she calls me back to life. “I promise…every day of my life, I will.”

Gale returns with gauze and a bottle of antiseptic in his hands. He kneels next to Katniss and holds my wrists as I slowly unfold my hands to reveal deep, red half-moon punctures. My friend holds my shaking hands as Katniss slowly cleans the wounds, her eyes deep in concentration.

“Are you okay?” my friend asks tentatively.

“No,” I tell him honestly. “But, this is my life.”

“Will this be Rory’s life, too?” Gale says, “If he wins?”

“I don’t know,” I reply. “I just don’t know.”

++++++

Nine o’clock rolls around and there is no phone call from Haymitch.

It is likely that he is stuck at some sort of gathering with the other mentors. Rory and Jean were a huge success. I’m sure that Cinna as well as Portia are getting all kinds of accolades.

I wonder how they’re doing.

“I was thinking about Cinna and Portia, too.” My eyes open to see Prim sitting in front of me, her head tilted as she examines me. I didn’t realize that I was speaking out loud. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m back in that hospital, narcotics being fed through my veins,” I say to her in a quiet voice. I know how weird in looks to be sitting in this recliner talking to the air in front of me. “How can I make myself good enough for Katniss?”

Prim looks into my eyes; her expression sad but earnest.

“Peeta, you always were good enough.” Her hand goes to my bandaged ones folded on my lap. “The only person who never understood that was you. You’re always trying to prove yourself when all along your greatest strengths are your kindness and devotion to those around you. Don’t take those as weaknesses.” She gives me a kind smile. “You will need them if you’re going to lead a rebellion.”

“I don’t think that he’s going to call,” Gale says, his eyes going to the phone from where he sits in front of the fireplace. “I have to get going. Long day tomorrow.”

I remember that he has to work in the mines from morning till late afternoon before trudging himself to Haymitch’s to be with us.

“You can quit,” I suddenly say. “I can help you—”

Gale shakes his head. “It’s better this way. Gets my mind off things and off people…” His eyes wander the room. “Where is she?”

“In front of me,” I tell him and let out a short laugh. “Lecturing me like she usually did.”

“Prim always found ways to get under everyone’s skin,” he retorts though there is a soft, tender tone in his voice. “But, it made her…her.”

“Looks like Haymitch won’t be calling,” Katniss says as she enters the room. She went to wash up after cleaning the blood off my hands and from Haymitch’s floor. “We should get home.”

My chest tightens seeing that she has ruined her soft-green sweater and I resolve to ask my dad how I can get another one just like it.

Nodding, I slowly get up feeling a bit woozy as I get to my feet. My attack has caused my body to feel like jelly and I trudge to the door with Katniss’ arm wrapped around my waist. Behind us, Gale follows in case I falter while Prim moves ahead.

I am protected and I am loved in every direction.

Katniss opens the door and we shut the lights off in Haymitch’s house before stepping out onto the porch.

“What is happening?” Gale suddenly bursts out, his eyes wide.

Turning to look in his direction, I look out into our courtyard to find it flooded with fireflies, all floating gracefully in the warm, muddled air of the day.

“It’s beautiful,” Katniss breathes out in amazement.

I turn to watch her eyes light up, falling in love once more at the expression on her lovely face.

Prim rushes into the yard, her arms flying out to dance among the floating lights. The fireflies gravitate towards her presence and we watch as they line her body revealing the silhouette of her skirt and her spread open arms.

“Prim,” Katniss calls out, “We can see you.”

Once Prim notices, however, the glowing bugs move away and she is lost once more to her sister and Gale, who stands at the porch, a hangdog expression on his face.

Walking down the steps, I go to Prim and she smiles in happiness. “Fireflies are my favorite.”

“Did you do this?”

She shakes her head. “No, this is just nature. This is life.” Prim leads a firefly in my direction. “Be the example, Peeta. Give them the light, North Star.”

I nod, swallowing the fear…the hate.

Now, there is only love.

Gently, I cup my wrapped hands to capture the firefly. I can see its light through my fingers, illuminating my weathered skin with beautiful gold.

I look up to see Katniss watching and slowly my feet lead me until I’m only a step away from being in her arms.

“Hold out your hand,” I whisper and Katniss brings her hands out in an open cup. I release the firefly in her hands and she gasps, her hands closing to protectively cradle the glow in them. “My light…my life… is yours.”

I don’t think I’ll ever forget the smile on her face, underlit by the firefly in her dainty hands. She is ethereal, surrounded in fireflies and moonlight.

One day, I will tell our children that I knew at this moment that I could not spend another day without their mother in my life. That I promised myself, here and now, that I would fight to end the Games with her by my side—as my wife.

“My life…my light…is yours,” Katniss repeats softly, her eyes shining with firefly glow.

Kissing her forehead, I watch as she opens her hands and lets the firefly join the rest. On the front porch, I catch Gale staring out at the scene before him, regret in his eyes. The romance of the moment has not gone unnoticed by our solemn Southern King.

Prim also notices and her hands go to capture a firefly to cup it in her hands. Her blue eyes glow in concentration and I watch in astonishment as she slowly walks to the porch, holding out the firefly in front of Gale.

I take Katniss’ hand and together we join them. The lone firefly floats in front of Gale’s sharp face and he looks perplexed as to why this singular firefly has found its way to him.

Reaching out, he captures the firefly, his hands almost covering Prim’s.

“It’s for him,” Prim says as she gazes into his eyes, heartbreak and regret in her own. “So, he knows that even in the darkest moments—there is always light.”

* * *

 

Ahh…I drown in feels.

I love this level of devotion that they all have for one another. Each one will take over when the other is weak and that’s just lovely. I also love this love between Katniss and Peeta, like they’ve always known that they were just meant to be—no doubts, no hesitation.

Also, Galerose…seriously, what should’ve been just breaks my heart.

So since Peeta and Prim wore white for their Tribute Parade, I had Rory and Jean wearing the outfits from the actual storyline.

There is going to be about a week to a week-and-a-half gap between chapters. I hope that between them that I get some wonderful feedback from you because I love writing this story so much.

As always, I’d love to hear from you. I know that I don’t get to respond to all of you but I do read them all—as does my husband.

Next, Chapter Seven: The interview with Caesar Flickerman.

Until then, JLaLa

 

 

 

 


	7. The Interview

Thank you for all of your encouragement and love especially with all my drama IRL! Love you!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Seven: The Interview_

“So how are they doing?” I ask Haymitch.

It’s been three days since the Tribute Parade and the rousing success of Rory as well as Jean. Claudius Templesmith, who does commentary on the Games, has talked about nothing but the popularity of the District 12 Tributes.

Our district is beaming with pride especially since Rory, only a day ago, appeared before the Games committee and scored an impressive 11.

“Rory did well in the Training Center,” Haymitch tells me. “He’s very good with a bow and arrow. Gale must have taught him. Jean…she’s not too bad when it comes to plant identification but I’m afraid for her.”

“That could work in her favor,” I reply. “Remember Johanna Mason?”

Haymitch lets out a wry chuckle. “Who could forget Johanna?”

Johanna Mason, winner of the 71st Hunger Games and besides myself, one of the youngest Victors. She won by pretending she was some sort of weakling. Turns out, she was actually quite the opposite and adept to controlling an axe since she originated from District 7, where lumber is produced.

“Maybe train her privately,” I encourage the man. “Give her some sort of chance.”

“I understand that,” Haymitch says to me. “But, I can only do what she’s willing to do. Jean is unresponsive despite her wonderful display at the parade.”

“Okay,” I relent. “Is Rory there?”

Behind me, Katniss and Gale talk quietly amongst themselves on Haymitch’s couch as Prim mills about. She has been trying to move items around since my episode when she found the ability to break a vase to let the other two know that I was having an attack.

“Yeah,” Haymitch responds. “Hold on.”

There’s a shuffle followed by Rory’s slightly deepened voice. “Hello?”

I grin at the sudden change, the foibles of puberty. “Hey kid. How are you?”

“It’s been…crazy,” Rory says. “There are people screaming my name whenever I’m out. Cinna and Portia are working night and day to come up with the best outfit for my interview.” He pauses for a moment. “They wanted to know how you were doing. I told them a little since Haymitch said they knew about all of this.”

So Cinna and Portia are part of the rebellion. I have to wonder if they’re the ones who are helping Haymitch and Rory.

“Are you ready for your interview?” I ask. “I’m sure that Effie has been grilling you.”

Rory guffaws. “More than grilling, more like maiming and torturing. Apparently, I’m too similar to Haymitch. I have the posture of a hulking ape!” I hear Haymitch’s bellowing laugh in the background. “I think I know what I want to say though.”

“That’s good,” I respond. “Confidence is key. How is Jean?”

“I’ve talked to her,” Rory says in a low voice. “Not too much, but I think we’re kind of friends.”

“You’ll need friends.” Once more, I turn to Gale and Katniss almost bristling at their closeness. I know that it’s nothing on Katniss’ end but since this whole thing with Prim happened, I can tell that Gale is lonely.

Katniss is the closest thing to the girl he loved despite the fact that the Everdeen twins were polar opposites.

“Is Gale there today?” Rory asks, hope in his voice. “I want to tell him about my day in the Training Center.”

“Sure.” Putting the phone down, I whistle over at the two on the couch and my eyes move to Gale. “Your brother wants to speak to you.”

Gale scrambles from his seat and goes to me, his eyes almost look guilty but it fades as he picks up the phone.

Going over to Katniss, I sit down and put an arm around her. “Hey.”

Katniss grins, her grey eyes darkening as she gazes at me. “Hey.”

It’s been three days of waking up to Katniss, touching Katniss, and pleasuring Katniss. We are slow and deliberate in our explorations, trying to understand every nuance of one another inside and out.

This woman will be my wife one day. I intend to know everything about her.

“What are you thinking about?” I ask.

Katniss looks around. “Prim, you might want to cover your ears.”

Prim, amused and pleased that her sister acknowledges her presence, covers her ears and winks at me.

“She’s covered them,” I tell her.

Katniss blushes. “I was thinking about this morning.”

My own face warms from the memory of waking up to her hand tentatively exploring my morning erection. She was beet red when she realized that I had awakened but I guided her, each gasp and moan escaping my mouth showing her what I liked.

I came quickly.

As humiliated as I was, there is relief in knowing that I am functioning once more, that there will be a time when I can give Katniss the child that we both want.

I hope by then that I have found a way to end the Games.

“Are you embarrassed?” I ask her.

She shakes her head, her cheeks flushed. “No, I liked it. I think I want to do it again.”

I laugh softly, my lips going to her neck. “Katniss, will you marry me?”

“I thought we already decided on something of that sort,” she responds in quiet bliss.

It’s been an unspoken agreement between us. What we have between us is always going to be there.

And, when the time is right, I’m going to make her my wife.

“We have,” I tell her. “But, I’m going to keep asking you till you march me over to the Justice Building.”

She chuckles before putting her head on my shoulder. “One day, I’m dragging you there. Tell me, what were you talking about with Haymitch and Rory?”

My thoughts sober and Prim lowers her hands from her ears. “The interview.”

“I remember that,” Katniss says sadly.

I meet Prim’s eyes. “So do we.”

++++++

“So tell me, Peeta,” Caesar asks as I sit across from him in front of the cameras and the Capitol citizens. “Is there a special girl in your life?”

So far, the banter between me and Caesar Flickerman has been casual. We talk about the Capitol showers and I marvel at the floral scent that emits from my being. The Capitol audience finds my innocence charming.

My interview is refreshing in comparison to Prim’s. She is not a public speaker but had to go first. However, Prim rallied at the end when she spoke of Katniss. It was obvious the bond between the twins and Caesar even softened at my friend’s enduring love for her sister.

I hesitate for a moment. This could be my last chance to tell Katniss how I feel.

Tomorrow, Prim and I go into the arena.

However, I weigh in on the fact that it might garner sympathy with the Capitol citizens and possible sponsors.

That is not our plan.

Also, to speak _her_ name would be dangerous.

“No,” I respond, my voice flat as I look straight into the camera. “There is no one.”

++++++

“You know I didn’t mean it, right?”

Katniss looks to me in the darkness of our bedroom. “What?”

“About not having a special girl in my life,” I explain. “During the interview, I responded to Caesar with the thought that if they knew that there was someone I loved, they could use it against me in the Arena. Or if I died, they could use you against Prim.”

“I figured there was something going on.” Katniss gazes at me, her grey eyes shimmering. “I thought that you were just trying to protect Prim.”

“Did you really question how I felt?” Truthfully, I’m a little hurt by it. However, I war over the fact that I never revealed my feelings to her.

“It was such a strange time,” she replies, her voice distant. “Maybe for a moment, I did think that you felt nothing for me despite every look or touch we gave one another. I felt very broken over what I could’ve said or did when you were around.”

I give her smile. “We have time. We have always.”

Katniss pushes herself up on her elbow, her head lolling to the side and her raven hair spilling against the white sheets.

She looks down at me for a moment before leaning down to kiss me.

“I love you.” Her words seep into my lips down to the very core of my heart, restoring those torn pieces of my soul.

And, I believe that I can be whole again. I can be whole with her by my side.

“I love you,” I whisper. My throat is so full of tears and hope, I can hardly breathe at the feeling. “Don’t ever doubt that every word, every decision, every action that I made during the Games was to get one of us back to you.”

Katniss nods and I reach forward to catch the tears trailing down her cheeks.

“Peeta, when will you make love to me?” she asks suddenly.

My throat goes dry at her question.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” I tell her. “I never thought that I would ever work properly again. It wasn’t until you came along and brought me back to life did every other part of me come alive. I never figured this part into our relationship.”

“Oh...” Katniss looks down for a moment before giving me a shy smile. “I guess you’re right. I never really thought about this happening. Maybe before the Games, I might’ve dreamt about you. But, when we started talking again, I wasn’t sure what would happen.”

My hand reaches to cradle her chin, my thumb moving along her lips. “You dreamt about me?”

Her eyes close. “Yes.”

“I wonder if your dreams were as vivid as mine were.” I smile seeing her cheeks color prettily. “They probably weren’t as embarrassing.”

Her eyes open, curiosity in them. “What do you mean?”

“After my dreams, my sheets would be ruined,” I tell her, my own face darkening. I’m thankful that it’s dim except for the slight glow of the moon. “It happens to boys. My Dad had to explain it to me.”

“One day, you can tell me about your dreams,” Katniss quietly suggests. “And, I’ll tell you mine.”

“I made love to you in my dreams, Katniss.” She lets out a shaky breath at my declaration. “One day, I won’t have to tell you. I will show you.”

“Soon?” she whispers, her grey eyes smoky with innocent hunger.

“We will know when.”

One day, it won’t be like this. I will be able to declare my love for her out in the open. We won’t have to hide away in our lonely Victor’s Village house. But for now, it’s all so tenuous. If Snow somehow found out—God, if such a person is still out there, knows what the President would do with this information and how he could use it in his favor.

In response, Katniss gives me a trusting smile.

“Now, Katniss—when are you going to kiss me again?”

++++++

_Fold, and push with your palm. Fold, and push with your palm…_

I knead in concentration as Prim sits on the preparation table.

“Are you enjoying your time alone with Katniss?” she asks me.

“Yes,” I whisper after making sure that my Dad is on the other side of the kitchen.

“I think Gale knows when I’m around,” Prim tells me, her blue eyes happy. “Sometimes, he talks to me.”

My Dad goes to the front of the bakery and I look to my friend. “What does he say?”

“How he misses me,” she recalls. “How I looked pretty during the Tribute parade, how beautiful I was in the forest…that if he closes his eyes he can still remember how the rain would sometimes catch my eyelashes. I never thought of how much Gale paid attention, but he did. He was always watching.”

I laugh softly at the thought of a poetic Gale. “Steady, stubborn, Southern…”

There’s a step behind me and I turn swiftly to see Rye, my brother, startled at my defensive motion.

“Hey Peeta,” he greets me gently, a nervous smile on his face. “You okay?”

“Just talking to myself,” I try to joke lightly and Prim giggles at my words. However, my brother looks at me apprehensively. “Sorry. I forget how strange I look to everyone else.”

I falter at his fearful eyes. For all the progress forward I’ve made, I take ten steps back when I’m around anyone outside of Katniss, Prim, and Gale.

“It’s not that, Peeta,” my brother responds. “I’m sure that it must be stressful to see Gale’s brother going into the Games. Dad and Haymitch Abernathy had a talk before the Reaping about how you had to stay in the house because you were _supposed_ to not be okay.”

“It’s what everyone believes,” I tell him, suddenly listless.

“Not everyone.”

I meet his eyes and see the long-stored guilt in them.

Rye was eighteen during my Reaping, still able to volunteer if he wanted to. But, he didn’t. Instead, he allowed his brother and a sixteen-year-old girl, who had volunteered for her sister, to go into the Games.

My brother watched me go to the brink of insanity.

I could be angry but it is of no use to be so. Maybe it was better this way as I was always more resilient.

“You can stop feeling guilty,” I tell him. “I was fated to go in just as Prim was. It was what was supposed to happen.”

“But, I could’ve…I could’ve…” Rye murmurs, his eyes full of pain. “I’m your big brother, Peeta. I know that I don’t deserve sympathy or forgiveness, but I could’ve volunteered—and, I didn’t. I never forgave myself for that, even more so when I watched them drag you away from Prim’s body.”

“I was prepared,” I tell him simply. “The four of us were but we didn’t plan on two of us going into the Games. Prim and I had an objective when we were in the Capitol. She was supposed to kill me, but she didn’t. I couldn’t understand why but I think I do now. I was meant to do more…be more than just Peeta Mellark, the baker’s boy.”

“What do you suppose you’re supposed to be?” Rye asks in a soft voice.

It’s at the tip of my tongue to tell him.

I, Peeta Mellark, am meant to end The Hunger Games.

++++++

I pick Katniss up in the evening from her home and nod at Mrs. Everdeen, who peers at me warily from behind the door.

“I brought some bread,” I offer the woman in front of me. “My brother Rye and I made it together.”

After our talk, Rye opened up about the past two years, of his own guilt about not volunteering and how Gregory, our older brother, railed on him about it. As eldest of the Mellark brothers, Gregory is the caretaker. His strong, silent personality is my mother’s but his caring nature comes completely from our father.

I told Rye bits and pieces about me, trying not to scare him with my experiences, about the numerous drugs injected into my system in the Capitol hospital, my breakdowns, and most of all, the ability to see the ghost of one of my best friends.

Katniss beams before taking the bread from me and handing it to the woman.

“Thank you,” Katniss says softly before turning to smile at her mother. “It has all your favorites in it. You can have it with your tea.”

Mrs. Everdeen looks me in the eyes, her own eyes so similar to her late daughter’s. “Thank you.”

It comes out in barely a sad whisper but it means something.

“You’re always welcome,” I tell Mrs. Everdeen. “It’s not nearly enough.”

She doesn’t respond instead turning with the loaf in her hands and closing the door behind her.

I look worriedly to Katniss. “Is she going to be okay?”

“She has her good and bad days,” Katniss responds as we begin our walk to Haymitch’s. “But, she actually looks at me now.”

I lift her chin and smile at her. “That’s great.”

Katniss grins back before looking out to continue our walk. Her hands go to warm her arms and I take off my jacket to put it around her shoulders. Rye is going to help me get her a new green sweater to replace the one that I ruined.

“Hey guys!” Gale rushes over from his home to join us with Prim trailing behind him. “I got out early. The other guys agreed that tonight is an important night for me.”

“Is your mother okay with you being with us?” I ask him as I look over at the Hawthorne home, a small wooden cabin. “She can always come to the house with Vick and Posy.”

He shakes his head. “My mom has an unbelievable ability to know what I’m doing. She told me that we might need each other today. After all, tomorrow is the day…”

We fade into silence knowing that this could be the last time that we will hear Rory speak freely.

For tomorrow, he will be going into the Arena.

++++++

“Prim, tell me. What is it like growing up in District 12?”

I watch my friend onscreen along with Cinna and Portia. She looks lovely in the white dress that her stylist has created for her. Part of her golden hair is braided back displaying her pretty features perfectly. However, the tenseness in her eyes is causing Effie to mutter behind us in panic.

“Well…um…it’s okay,” Prim responds in a small voice. She tries to muster a smile but fails miserably.

There’s an awkward silence between herself and Caesar as he gives her a sickeningly patronizing smile.

“Come on, Prim,” I mutter as I watch her. “You can do better than this!”

“Calm yourself, little man.” Haymitch saunters up behind me, flask in hand. “You’re getting a little worried about your competition.”

I turn to him, anger filling me beyond anything I have ever felt.

“Maybe if you helped us, she wouldn’t be up there with no way to deal,” I rage at him. “And, Prim is no competition—SHE IS GOING TO WIN!” I take his flask and throw it across the room. “We trained and we have planned without you! So unless you have something useful to tell me before I go out there, get out of my face.”

Cinna puts a hand on my shoulder. “Look—she’s doing much better.”

I turn back to the screen to see Prim beaming at Caesar.

“My sister Katniss is much smarter than I am. I’m sure that she’d have a zing or two if she was up here!” The crowd laughs at her modest charm. “And, I’ve always admired her like she was the older one.”

“Do you have any words for her?” Caesar asks.

Prim thinks for a moment before shaking her head. “No. Everything I’ve ever needed to tell her, she can feel here.” Her hand goes to where her heart beats and there is a slight shimmer of tears coming from her round, cornflower-blue eyes. “We’re twins. The connection between us is infinite.”

++++++

Jean’s interview is a bust.

It starts out just as bad as Prim’s was but things don’t end on a high note. Instead, it is full of awkward silence and horribly stuttered words. I know that Haymitch said that she was unresponsive but Jean has altogether given up.

When Rory finally goes up, he is a breath of relief. Portia has put him in a dark-navy suit which compliments his olive features and brings out his slate eyes. He no longer looks like a boy.

Rory Hawthorne has become a man before our eyes, a man who is now going to be a weapon in the Arena.

“Rory!” Caesar exclaims as they both sit. “You look amazing!”

“Thanks Caesar,” Rory responds with a charming smile. “It’s not quite the type of clothing I’m used to but it’s amazingly comfortable for such a tight fit.”

The crowd laughs at his smart response.

“He’s doing really well, isn’t he?” Gale asks, pride in his voice.

“I think he knows how to play into Caesar’s needs,” I tell him. “The man only wants a good story and an easy way to build up to more interesting topics.”

The rest of the interview goes well. They talk about the food that Rory enjoys in the Capitol, game hen with figs, and then about the quirky things that happened during his first days there. The crowd roars with laughter when Rory recalls his first experience with waxing.

“Maybe it will make me faster or something,” Rory says after Caesar asks him what he thinks about being hairless.

Katniss and Prim laugh at his words, the same tinkle in their giggles though Katniss’ is the one that sends a shiver down my spine.

“Do you have any heroes, Rory?” Caesar asks. “People you look up to?”

“My father, first and foremost,” Rory tells him without hesitation. “He was a miner but passed on in a cave-in. However, no one remembers him for the accident. They remember him because of his enduring spirit and ability to find hope in the situation. If I die, I want to be remembered for more than how I died—but how I lived.”

“Wise words,” his host responds and the camera pans out to reveal several Capitol women in tears. “Anyone else?”

“My brothers, Vick and Gale,” Rory says to the man. I look over to see Gale’s shoulder lift at his brother’s words. Prim reaches to cup his cheek and without thought, Gale leans into her caress. “They both taught me resilience especially when it came to getting food—three growing boys at a dinner table equaled an all-out fight.” The crowd titters at his remarks. “And, lastly, there’s Peeta Mellark.”

A gasp collectively escapes the mouths of the audience. It’s been more than two years since I’ve been mentioned.

“I hope that Haymitch knows about this,” I say to myself. “Though I don’t think he does.”

Katniss looks to me worriedly. “Why?”

“Because I’m the blip in the whole Victor chart,” I inform her hastily. “I’m not a mentor or a Capitol jewel. I’m a ghost, one that Snow forgot existed—until now.”

“I know that a lot of people see Peeta as someone who is not quite right anymore,” Rory continues. “However once upon a time, he was the leader of a great group of friends which Prim was part of. Yes, he is not the boy he once was but District 12 is proud of the man that he has become.”

Caesar is intrigued. “What kind of man has he become?”

“Someone who risked his life for love,” Rory responds as he looks to the camera, dark eyes unrelenting. “And, someone who shouldn’t be underestimated.”

++++++

I stare at the phone. “Damn it, Haymitch! Call!”

The interview has just ended and I’m flabbergasted, confused, and beyond worried about Rory.

“What is going to happen to Rory?” Gale asks in an agitated voice.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” I reply.

“This is your fault!” the man in front of me responds. “He shouldn’t have mentioned you!”

“I didn’t ask him to!” I shout back in defense. “They’re going to know! They’re going to know that I’m okay and next year, my time as mentor will begin!”

Behind me, both Prim and Katniss whimper at the realization. I can’t hide my fate anymore.

“You always needed the attention,” Gale spat at me. “Always needing to be the center—the North, the mentor, and now you will have it. You have everything! You have Katniss, you have my brother, you even have Prim!”

“I never asked for any of this,” I argue. “I never asked to be in the Games nor did your brother or Prim. Stop trying to act like there was some ulterior motive, like I’ve concocted this while we were in our forest. This isn’t a kid’s game anymore. This is real.”

Gale’s eyes move to Katniss and I see her flush crimson.

He gives me a look of bitter triumph. “Well, at least I got one thing that you’ll never have.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask in a tight whisper.

Katniss goes to me, glaring at Gale as she passes him.

“We were upset and everyone was going on about how beautiful you and Prim looked,” she explains in a solemn voice, her eyes pleading for understanding. “It only happened once and it was wrong—all wrong.”

“You see,” Gale hisses. “You got Prim’s first kiss. I got Katniss’.”

My throat constricts, the betrayal churning in my stomach.

Prim rushes over to stand in front of me.

“We all make mistakes, Peeta. Don’t hold it against them—”

I’m out the door before Prim can finish.

“PEETA!” Katniss is calling out for me, anguish in her voice.

I can’t turn around—I don’t know what I’ll do.

Everything just feels so out of control. I can hear Katniss and Gale arguing on the porch.

“Stop them!” Prim yells at me. “You can’t fall apart! Not now!”

Turning to her, Prim’s eyes widen as she sees my rage. “How can you not fall apart? He betrayed you!”

“He can’t betray someone who never really gave him a reason to commit to them,” she responds resignedly.

“Please Peeta!” Katniss is running over to me. There are tears streaking her cheeks. “You have to understand that I didn’t know what was going to happen—”

“I was going to die, Katniss!” She jumps back at the fury in my voice. “This wasn’t a fucking game that we were playing in the forest! Your sister died and you—”

I can’t even continue because the anger has churned into something sour in my mouth.

“Stop making her cry!” Prim is screaming in my ear. “You too, Gale!” She goes to the stony man on Haymitch’s porch. “Stop being such hateful jerks!”

I close my eyes and cover my ears to drown out her shouts.

Prim rages at Katniss and Gale, “I didn’t die for this! I didn’t stay for this to happen!”

Suddenly she stops.

Slowly opening my eyes, my hands fall from my ears as I take in the sight before me.

Katniss and Gale, each at their respective spots, are covering their ears.

It is then I realize—they can both hear Prim.

* * *

 

What a way to end. How long will they be able to hear her?

I just wanted to thank all of you for your kind words as I go through these health issues. Lupus can be a hard disease to balance at times. With my birthday and my home move, it just all compounded together, but right now I’m stable so thank goodness for that.

I think the most interesting thing to me this chapter was the confrontation between Peeta and Rye. I’ve always wondered about Peeta’s brothers and why neither volunteered. I’m not sure if it was an age issue or something else but I felt that it was necessary to address this as Peeta works to resolve his own relationships.

I honestly didn’t see this chapter ending like this—but that’s the way it goes.

As always, I appreciate your feedback—it keeps me going through the bad days.

Next, Chapter Eight—Rory and Jean go into the Arena.

Until then, JLaLa


	8. The Room at the End of the Hall

I know! It’s been so long since we’ve had a chapter. Thank you for being so patient while I finished up with YDKM.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

**_Trigger warning: instance of attempted suicide_ **

Look to the West

_Chapter Eight: The Room at the End of the Hall_

I look to Prim. “They can hear you.”

She returns my gaze, her usually pale face now crimson red and streaked with tears.

“Good,” Prim responds brokenly. “Because all of you need to realize that we didn’t suffer just to be pulled apart by petty arguments and kisses that meant nothing.” She stomps to Gale. “Did you hear that? I didn’t die so you could be a jealous jerk!” His eyes remain shut as she yells. “There were reasons that I died.” She looks at all of us, her stone stare landing on me. “Us falling apart was not one of them.”

Before I can respond, Prim rushes out of the courtyard, her sobs echoing in my ears as she runs under the Victors’ Village archway.

“That was her?” I turn to see Katniss standing before me. “The one crying?”

The anger in my body rises at her but I steel my composure before responding. “Ghosts can hurt, too.”

“I know that,” Katniss tells me. “But—”

I’m suddenly rushing out to follow Prim because I’m afraid.

Afraid that she’s gone away forever. Without even realizing it, Prim has become part of me, too. In all those years that it was just us, she had taught me to care about my life because she didn’t want her death to not mean anything.

I want to tell her that I understand that now.

I know my worth.

“Prim!” I call out. “Prim!”

Think…where would she go?

_Look to the West…_

Then, I am walking into the forest.

++++++

I find her curled against her tree. It stands tall, thin, and proud—like its owner.

“Prim?”

Her head shoots up and I can see fresh tears streaked down her face. They shine crystalline in the darkness of the silent forest.

“I know I’m dead,” Prim sobs helplessly. “But I can feel hurt or sad. My heart isn’t beating but it can still break.”

“I’m sorry.” Joining her at her tree, I sit back against its strong trunk. “I don’t know why I got so angry or jealous. I know that Katniss doesn’t care for Gale in any other way than as a friend.”

“You’re mad at the circumstance,” Prim says softly. “Because if it weren’t for the Games, you would’ve been her first kiss. I know. I understand. There were a lot of things taken away from us.”

Her head falls to my shoulder. I don’t feel it and something about that realization fills me with melancholy. “You were taken from us.”

“I never left.” I can hear the tears in her voice. “Not after I saw what happened to you…what you did.”

There’s a shuffle and Katniss emerges from the thick darkness of the forest along with Gale.

“Prim?” Katniss looks around our little Kingdom, just barely meeting my eyes. “Are you here?”

“I’m here,” Prim tells her.

However, Katniss continues to listen for her twin before looking to me. “Is she here?”

I sigh in frustration as does Prim. “She’s right next to me.”

“So that was just a one-time thing?” Gale gruffly asks.

Tiredly, I nod. “I think it only happens when she’s really upset.”

“Damn it!” Gale kicks the fallen leaves on the ground and Prim snorts slightly. He often did that as a child whenever he was frustrated. However, his gaze remains on the scattered foliage. “I’m sorry, Prim.”

“Why can you still hear her and I can’t?” Katniss suddenly asks. I can see the pain in her eyes and though my heart aches to reach for her, I resist. “She’s my twin. Isn’t that a strong enough connection?”

Standing up, I brush off the dirt on my pants. “It has nothing to do with connection.”

I can’t quite confront her yet. I’m too angry, maybe unreasonably so.

The boy in me can’t help it.

“Then what?” Gale asks. “What did you do that makes you so special?”

There’s no malice, only weariness.

Walking over to him, I meet Gale square in the eyes and tell him the only conclusion I can come up with.

“After Prim died, I did something that really upset her.”

++++++

It is when I finish kindling the fire in the hearth does Katniss return home.

Turning, I see Katniss at the archway of the living room fidgeting as she stands.

“I went to go check on my mother,” she explains. “She gave me some extra bandages if you need them.”

I nod before turning back to the fire. “I’m going to sleep here tonight.”

“Peeta,” she starts. “I know you’re angry—”

“You know nothing,” I respond as I stab at the fire with the poker next to me.

“Maybe I don’t.” Her steps on the hardwood are tentative as she approaches. “But I know I love you.”

I continue to poke at the flames, choosing to not respond to her words. I want so badly to hold her despite my continuous flares of jealousy but the thought of forgiveness scares me. Because it could be very easy to forgive her and in some way, I already have.

I love her that much.

To forgive that easily opens a person up to pain and weakness. If she knows that I forgive her then Katniss will know that she has the ability to hurt me again without consequence. It is easier to not feel that pain and instead close off.

When I turn once more, I see that Katniss is gone.

It’s better off this way.

Closing my eyes, I try to sleep and ignore the loneliness seeping from my insides. Upstairs is the woman whom I have loved since we were children, her arms open and waiting to take me into her embrace. I can be warm in our bed instead of feeling cold despite the blazing fire in front of me.

There’s a sound and Katniss approaches with two pillows under her arms. She hands me one before placing the other next to me on the floor. Then she goes to the armoire and takes two knitted blankets.

Katniss hands a blanket to me and then spreads hers on the floor. I lay down on the pillow, pulling the blanket around my tired body and turn to look at the fire.

I can feel her settling down and I close my eyes to try and sleep.

“I know you’re upset,” she whispers. “Maybe you won’t ever get over this. But for all it’s worth, I’m still going to be here, Peeta. No matter how much you push me away. Because I love you and I don’t care how stupid or desperate I sound.”

I can hear her trying to hold back her tears but they seep through in her gentle words.

“This is what people who love each other do. They take care of each other. They stay. They stay because their heart is too anchored to other person’s. My heart is too anchored to yours to let you go.”

I don’t answer. My own heart does it for me.

I turn to her and we don’t touch. We only look until we can’t keep awake.

Neither of us needs to hear the words.

When we wake up, my arms are wrapped around her and her head rests on my chest.

Our blankets have long been pushed away.

For we kept each other warm.

++++++

The next day, the day that Rory is to enter the Arena, is a quiet one.

Katniss disappears to the back of the house to use her bow and arrows. There is still that feeling of silent pain in our home and neither of us knows when it will fade.

We only know that there is still love here.

I retreat into the kitchen, creating numerous bowls of dough to knead. I tell myself that I’m doing this so I can give the bread to Gale’s family, to Mrs. Everdeen, to the coal miners working hard for what I so easily have.

Maybe not so easy.

The truth is that my anxiety is at an all-time high.

Watching the Games is one thing. Being able to remember is another.

Because if you remember, then you’ve survived and that’s a whole different bridge to cross.

If Rory wins, is he going to be okay?

“I was thinking the same thing.” Prim is standing in front of me as I knead dough. “You were talking to yourself.”

I laugh softly. “At least some things never change.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Prim says carefully, her eyes roving over my hunched form. “Have you talked to Katniss about what happened?”

Shaking my head. “I was too busy recovering, then there was the Reaping and Rory…”

I stop and close my eyes for a moment to push those memories away. It’s still hard to not feel that kind of despair. Because I want to feel good again and to feel that hope.

But when I remember, I feel like I’m back at square one.

“You felt guilty,” my friend reasons. “We had a plan and I backed out. I made you feel like you did something to change my mind. Peeta, my mind was made up long ago.”

I put the kneaded bread aside and look to her. “When?”

“When I learned exactly how to kill you.”

++++++

“Good morning.”

I look up to see Prim standing in the doorway of my bedroom. She is wrapped in the beautiful, silk robe that the Capitol has provided for her stay.

Only the best for their Tributes.

“Hey.” I sit up in bed and pat the empty side next to me. “How are you feeling?”

“Today, we’re going into an arena with the expectation that one of us is going to die,” Prim responds bluntly. “How do you think I’m feeling?”

“You’re going to survive,” I assure her. “You have to reconcile that I’m going to die. You’re prepared if it comes down to us, right?”

Prim reaches into the pocket of her robe and pulls out an unblemished, maroon apple along with a paring knife. The knife is only used for small and intricate incisions but I know that if Prim had to, she’d use it to kill.

Holding it out for me, Prim takes the knife in her other hand and demonstrates.

“Carotid.” She easily slices through the top of the apple with a swiftness that is unfathomable. “Femoral.” The knife easily sinks into the tough bottom which lands on my mattress. “Wrists.” The knife cuts through the left side of the apple and then to the right.

The apple splits through the middle and one piece lands on the bed.

Prim holds the other piece in front of me, revealing the crisp white flesh of the apple’s insides.

Then, she swiftly plunges the core. “Coronary.”

Prim holds out the piece to me, her eyes cold and unreadable.

“Hungry?”

“You look kill-ready,” I state simply.

Prim looks at me and then at the stabbed apple.

Before I can react, she throws the piece across the room before bursting into tears.

I reach out for her and Prim settles against me as she weeps into my shoulder.

“You did your job too well,” she sobs.

I kiss the top of her head. “I know.”

++++++

“You’re quiet,” Katniss remarks as we sit in Haymitch’s home.

In front of us is the projection screen where Claudius Templesmith goes over the last few days with the Tributes, analyzing by each district. He is currently going over District 2 and I look at the boy whose eyes remind me eerily of Clove’s. Maybe he is her brother. It matters very little to the Capitol if they’re killing off family bloodlines.

“I don’t know what to say,” I tell her truthfully. There is still that strange, awkward air between us and I know it’s because some part of me is still angry despite forgiving her. “This isn’t a day that I nor Prim want to relive.”

Gale arrives, his steps slow and heavy as he enters the living room. He gives us a slight nod before sitting in the lone chair close to the fireplace. Prim follows him, her eyes on his every movement.

We all look back at the projection when the camera pans over the Capitol square where a large screen displays today’s event schedule. There is a brief shot of Rory walking down the corridor towards the carrier that will take him to the arena and the crowd goes wild at seeing him.

I can tell that he has bulked up over the last few days. During a recent conversation, I had mentioned to Haymitch about supplementing him with the food needed to help him gain muscle strength—proteins, iron-filled vegetables, and fruits for immunity.

“He looks good,” Prim says to me. “You’ve advised Haymitch well.”

Looking over to where she sits at Gale’s feet, I give her a wry smile. “Always the mentor, I guess.”

Gale looks down to the spot then looks up at me. “What’s she saying?”

“That Rory looks well,” I reply. “I told Haymitch to change his diet. Give him food that will help build muscle as well as strengthen his immune system. No one knows what the arena will be each time.”

“Peeta.” I turn to a downcast Katniss. She looks at her hands and I can see her struggling with her own thoughts. “What’s the scariest part about all of this?”

My eyes go to Prim and we respond simultaneously:

“The countdown.”

++++++

Portia helps me zip my jacket. “Judging from what they had us create, I suspect that the terrain is going to be some sort of forest. Light jacket, tough pants, running shoes…” She steps back and I can see tears in her eyes. “Be safe, Peeta.”

I pull my stylist into my much stronger arms and I can hear her sniff against me. “I will.”

Portia meets my eyes, worry in them. “I don’t know what you have planned…well, I do have my suspicions…but whatever you do, Cinna and I will always be proud of you. It’s been a pleasure to be your stylist.”

Smiling at her, I hold back my own tears.

Now isn’t the time for crying.

In a minute, I’ll have to enter the containment tube where I’ll be brought up to the Arena.

_“One minute…”_ I take in a breath as the speaker begins to count down the final minute.

Together, Portia and I walk to the containment tube. She gives me one last smile as I step onto the platform to begin my ascent into the Arena.

It happens in an instant—the tube closes quickly and I hear nothing but the sound of the vacuum-powered cylinders as I begin to move. I look at Portia one last time and she puts her hand to the glass to wish me luck.

My breath constricts. I’m trapped and there’s nothing to do but wait until I’ve reached the top.

I can always jump off the platform and they can blow me up on the spot.

But then there’s Prim, she might need my help.

Also, The Careers will need a distraction.

Suddenly, I am surrounded by a white light and I close my eyes feeling my final moments of freedom drift away.

++++++

“Then what?” Katniss asks, her hands clasped together as I finish my recollection of that day.

“The countdown was over,” I respond.

Gale looks down at his lap. “I remember it all. You ran to the left and Prim to the right.” Prim looks up at him, her head resting on his knee. “I think I stayed up all night watching you both.”

I meet his eyes. “Thank you.”

Gale doesn’t respond. Instead, he looks back to the projection in front of us.

I look to Katniss. “What were you doing?”

“I was in the forest,” she recollects, her gaze faraway. “I couldn’t…I couldn’t watch you or her, the two people that I loved most in the world fight to their deaths. I climbed my tree and told myself that I could do it. If you went…if Prim went, I could just jump. Then I could be with both of you. Because in the end, I wasn’t anything without either of you.”

“Don’t ever.” I lift her chin with my finger. “You are everything. The sun, the moon…and you would’ve moved on. I felt comfort in knowing that I was going to save Prim and when she—”

“Peeta.” Prim is suddenly sitting in front of us. “I think it’s time to tell them why you can see me.”

I feel a horrible coldness course through my body at the thought of explaining what had happened. How manic I was, how even when I came to Victors’ Village, Haymitch would come in at random times to check on me, and how Snow considered just letting me die along with Prim.

“I need to tell you something,” I begin and turn to Gale. “I need to tell you what caused Prim to stay.”

++++++

My eyes open, feeling the sickly crunch of blood in my lashes. Around me, there are beeps and sounds of pumps going in a slow up and down motion. I’m sitting up in a hospital bed from what I can recognize and as I attempt to raise my hand, I feel the heaviness of the Capitol drugs flowing through my veins.

I catch a blonde braid at the corner of my eye and I turn swiftly to the glass window.

The pain is immediate and I let out an agonizing yell.

“Calm down, Peeta,” a soft voice suddenly says. “You’re safe…you’re okay.”

In front of me stands Haymitch, dark circles under his eyes and looking like he hadn’t slept in a day.

“Prim…” I manage to say. “Prim…”

He grips the rail of the hospital bed tightly for a moment before meeting my eyes.

“Peeta, Prim is dead,” he tells me after a moment in an anguished voice. “Don’t you remember? It was down to you two—”

“No, no, no…” I attempt to stand up in panic, sobs threatening to take over my body. “I’m supposed to be dead! Not her!”

We had a plan. I was ready to die and Prim was supposed to go home to Katniss and Gale.

Not me.

“She made a decision,” Haymitch reasons, his hands going to my shoulders. “It is what it is Peeta. You are the Victor of the 74th Hunger Games, you’re going to go back to District 12, and you’re going to move into your new home.”

“No…it’s Prim’s house,” I whisper to myself. “How can I—”

How can I look Katniss in the eyes and tell her that I let her sister die?

“How can you what?” Haymitch asks me.

I look around the room, trying to get my bearings. Everything is upside down…Prim always knew what to do when things were this way. She was always the peacemaker, the calm one, the cool Eastern Queen.

I am nothing but a fallen King, my crown too heavy for my muddled head.

“I need to see Prim, Haymitch,” I beg. “I need to know this is real.”

I can tell that Haymitch is wary. Every part of my body is connected to a machine.

“Either you have them help me or I get out myself,” I say with determination.

Haymitch shakes his head. “No, I’ll tell them.” He sighs heavily in worry. “Just stay still.”

Disappearing behind the door, I wait for a moment before removing the restraints around my wrists. Prim and I had practiced how to remove bindings should we somehow become trapped by another Tribute.

I found it especially important for her as I didn’t like the way that Cato looked at her. There was something else in his eyes besides the primordial need to kill whenever he gazed at my friend.

After stretching my hands and fingers, I bring down the rail of the bed and stand for a moment. There’s a slight feeling of dizziness but I recover quickly and go to the machines to silence them.

Ripping the needles from my veins is easy enough—my pain threshold is high from the many brutal sessions of training. The sight of my broken veins doesn’t register as I walk slowly to the mirror to the side of my room.

The person in the mirror is a monster.

Swollen eyes and sunken cheeks, I am nothing but a shriveled piece in the Capitol game now. Snow will have nothing to show for me and part of me is thrilled by that fact.

I see no life in my eyes, just blank, empty space in what is left of my mind.

Quickly, I go to the door and peek outside. The corridor is empty and I step out in the loose hospital gown just barely aware of the blood running down my dry skin.

I just need to know that it’s real. Because I think that I can still hear Prim’s heart beating.

_Bomp…bomp…bomp_ …it plays loudly in my ears.

Or maybe it’s my own.

But it can’t be because the sound is coming from the room at the end of the hall.

My hand is suddenly at the knob and the beats ring louder as I step inside the room.

Then it all goes silent.

Even in death, Prim still looks like our graceful Eastern queen.

Her hair is loose against her shoulders and her arms crossed over her chest as she remains tranquil in front of me.

Memories of my friend flash before my eyes—of her dancing with Katniss in the forest, their youthful laughter carrying through the leaves, of rainy days with Gale and Katniss as Prim toyed with that red string bracelet, our training days as we made ourselves ready to fight for our lives…we had almost made it…

“Why Prim?” I fall to my knees in front of her bed. “Why did you do this?” I reach to touch her hand and feel the iciness of death hit my skin. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t go home and see _her_. Not without you beside me.”

There is only one solution.

I don’t go home either.

It doesn’t take very long to find what I need. The scalpel rests beside the bed, most likely from the required autopsy to confirm that there was nothing foul going on with my friend.

“Femoral,” I whisper. The slice is quick, the thick blood quickly coating my thigh.

You see, Prim. I learned right alongside you.

“Wrists…” Clean slivers through each side and the fresh blood joins the blood seeping from where I ripped off the IV needles.

The sound of footsteps are heading towards me…

“Carotid,” I whisper in finality.

Closing my eyes, I think of Katniss’ smiling face and the scent of rain and apples on her skin.

I should have kissed her a million times before this. Those millions of missed kisses will be my one regret.

_“Peeta…”_ I open my eyes at the soft, sad voice.

The door bursts open and I look up to see Haymitch along with a group of Capitol nurses.

“Peeta, what are you doing?” Haymitch asks, his panicked eyes firmly on me and only flitting once to the stained scalpel in my hands.

“You don’t understand! I can’t go back! Not without her!” My eyes go to my friend’s still body. “She is supposed to go home as Victor! I can’t face them! I CAN’T FACE HER!” I press the scalpel to my neck, just enough to feel the slight trickle of blood.

“Just let me go, Haymitch. No one needs a drugged-out Victor! No one needs another you around drinking his life away…Prim was needed and loved. I have nothing left to offer anyone. My only offer to District 12 was her life. I failed at that.”

“Let’s talk about this…” Haymitch holds his hand up as he approaches me. “You obviously meant enough to Prim for her to sacrifice her life. You want to waste this chance by giving up?”

“I can’t go back without Prim,” I continue. “I can’t look Katniss in the eyes and tell her that I couldn’t bring home the person she loved the most—”

The stab of a needle comes quickly and I find myself drowning in a sea of red as I fall to the ground in forced sedation.

When I awaken, anxious blue eyes stare down at me.

“Hello, Peeta,” Prim greets me. “I’ve been waiting for you to wake up. It’s time to go home.”

++++++

I don’t know how long I have been talking but by the time I’ve finished, the countdown has already begun.

There’s a moment of hesitation from all of us. Katniss’ eyes are deadened while I struggle to hold in the sour taste of vomit threatening to rise from my stomach.

Wordlessly, Gale turns on the projection just as the camera pans around the field to show each tribute on their platform.

Like Prim and I were, Rory and Jean are across from one another. Their Arena looks similar to our own with its large field and expansive forest. However, the trees look taller and thicker similar to the redwood forests of District 7.

The cornucopia is a large wooden half-dome with intricate webbing that the Tributes must climb through to get any weaponry. From what I can gauge, once you get in it is difficult to make your way back out or you’re killed in the process of escaping.

Rory looks determined and I watch him look to Jean who shakes her head as he eyes the cornucopia.

Smart girl.

_“5…4…3…2…1”_

I hold in my breath as I watch Rory run towards the trees. However, he glances back to look for Jean who is busy smashing in the head of the girl from District 8 to steal her dagger. The girl had managed to spend less than a minute in the cornucopia, to her detriment.

Jean runs the opposite way into the forest just as a rush of cannons sound in the air signaling the bevy of fallen Tributes.

We continue to watch Rory and Jean’s movements. Rory is already searching for a water source, climbing a redwood rapidly to survey the land.

Haymitch has taught him well.

Jean is surprisingly skilled, immediately searching for plants like nightlock, poison oak or ivy. She walks around placing them in obvious places so it looks like a simple berry bushel. Any unknowing tribute will either die eating the nightlock or be poisoned with oak causing obvious discomfort. Jean is careful not to touch any of it.

She also carves her initials into different trees. I realize that Jean is guiding Rory to make it easier to find her.

“They have a plan,” I say as we all stare at the screen.

Gale and Katniss watch wordlessly trying to understand what is going on.

To me, it is like I’m back in the Arena.

We watch until the Arena turns dark and the Gamemakers roll the projection in the night sky displaying the fallen tributes. Ten tributes are already gone—two killed by Jean and none by Rory.

I hate to think that the only kill he will have is the one he will need to win.

That alone will change him forever.

++++++

I turn off the projector before sitting back down.

Katniss is now a sickly green while Gale is ashen from watching such a brutal beginning. Prim has disappeared. I imagine that this was all very overwhelming for her.

This year’s set of Tributes are a lot more brutal compared to our opponents. The Careers did a fair amount of killing. After the countdown, Cato and Marvel managed to kill five Tributes together, mostly defenseless children.

“After all of that,” Gale starts in a tight voice. “Why would Prim decide to stay? Why not decide to move on?”

I meet his tired eyes. “Because I said I couldn’t come back without her. Also, because she was afraid of what I would do when there were no Capitol people to sedate me.”

“Do you think that you’ve gotten better?” he questions me.

I can see the trace of worry in his eyes and something inside me knows that despite the anger and arguments between us all, Gale cares. Our Southern King is so hard and impenetrable to many. Katniss, Prim, and I know better. One tap at his cracked soul and he will crumble altogether.

“I’m getting there,” I say slowly. “I have my hard days but I get through them.”

Katniss takes my hand and gives it a squeeze before bringing my hands to her trembling lips. “My King.”

I look up to see Prim at the entryway and she nods in reservation to urge me to continue talking. She knows that it’s a good thing for someone as closed off as me.

“I’ve told you everything because if Rory wins he won’t be the same boy when he returns,” I say. “There are going to be nights when he wakes up from nightmares, when he won’t be able to distinguish between what is real and not real, and there will be days when Rory will wonder how he can bear to wake up knowing he had to kill to keep living these hard-wrought days. I don’t want him to be like me.”

I meet Katniss’ eyes and then Gale’s.

“That’s why you need to understand my story and Prim’s.” I take a shaky breath. “Because we want Rory to be Victor but I need you to understand what we’re in for. He’s going to need all of us to be there for him. The road after the games won’t be easy, but with all of us by his side, it could be a smoother one.”

++++++

When I step out of the bathroom, I hear the faint sounds of sobbing.

Quietly, I head to our bedroom and I peek in just enough to see Katniss, her face buried in her hands.

Walking in, she hears the creak of my steps on the weathered wood and turns to me with her olive face shining with tears.

I sit next to her. “Why are you crying?”

Pulling her onto my lap, I cradle her and let her tears fall onto my skin, wetting the parched skin of my arms.

The scars have long faded but only now am I beginning to heal.

“Because I almost lost you both,” she whispers thickly.

“You never will,” I assure her. “Because Prim is here.” My finger points to where Katniss’ heart beats.

It suddenly dawns on me that maybe it was her strong heartbeats that I heard at the end of that hospital hall.

Taking her hand, I place it on my chest to let her feel the rapid movement of my heart finally taking pleasure in the strong rhythm of life rushing through my body.

I press a gentle kiss to her tear-lined lips.

“And, I am here.”

* * *

 

I know that this was a heavy chapter.

It had been planned that as we got more into the Games that Peeta’s long-suppressed memories would be making their way to the forefront. However, I love that Katniss is this constant source of support for him and even when he tries to act in the opposite fashion so is Gale.

Thank you for being so patient. As I wrap up YDKM, I can focus more on this story as well as TIPY.

Next, Chapter Nine: Katniss has her second solo birthday.

Until then, JLaLa

                                                                              


	9. Postcard

I know it’s been so long! Thank you for keeping up with my work and sending me such encouragement!

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West 

_Chapter Nine: Postcard_

“How long do you think we’ve been here?” Rory asks Jean as they sit atop a tall oak tree.

Jean surveys the ground and the perimeter around them. “Maybe two weeks?”

It’s been a month since they’ve entered the Arena.

The Gamekeepers trick you by controlling the sky, a tactic that is used to boost ratings. If there is a possible need, like a plan that a Tribute has to take out another Tribute or a romance budding between two of them, they will control the sky or even the weather just to stir up some action.

I’m only realizing now that the torrential rain that had forced Prim and me into a high cave by ourselves was a way to get us together.

A supposed romance between two Tributes from different social classes was particularly interesting during our Games.

Jean has acquired many kills and I have a feeling that Haymitch told her about Johanna Mason. For as weak as Jean looked during the preliminaries, she had made up for it tenfold in the Arena. The girl is a pure killer.

Just an hour ago, Gale, Katniss, and I watched her kill the Tribute from District 7, a girl named Sable who is about the same age as Jean. There is a blankness that takes over Jean’s hazel eyes during a kill. She is unmerciful and precise. Her stab to Sable’s chest killed the girl immediately.

The only time that she has had a semblance of emotion is when she is with Rory. They have become almost like a brother and sister. Sometimes she sings him to sleep and I remember the tune as an old folksong that my Dad used to sing to me whenever I was sick.

“How long will this go on?” Gale asks as we watch them sit atop that tree. The Gamekeepers have decided to end the day, the Arena sky fading to darkness as they begin to display the Fallen.

“Until they break them,” I reply before going to turn off the projector.

As I reach for the switch, I catch a close-up of Jean’s face as she looks up at the sky.

Her eyes are filled with tears.

And, I know that they haven’t gotten to her yet. There is still hope.

Beside me sits Katniss who is uncharacteristically quiet, her grey eyes staring at the fire in the hearth.

“You alright?” I ask.

Katniss turns to me, a tremulous smile rushing to her lips. “I’m fine.” She stands abruptly, gathering the plates of food that we’ve all eaten from as we watched the Games. “I’ll just go soak these.”

“Peeta.” I look over to Prim, who sits on the arm of Gale’s chair. He doesn’t notice that she’s there but every once in a while, he’ll lean into her when she brushes her fingers along his hair. “Don’t you know what tomorrow is?”

“No.” My eyes meet Gale’s. “Do you know what’s happening tomorrow?”

He shrugs and from the expression on Prim’s face, it looks like she wants to smack us both upside the head.

“It’s ou—her birthday tomorrow,” Prim says, a frown marring her pretty face. “Her second without me—and her first one with you.”

++++++

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask Katniss, later that night as we lay in bed.

“Because I don’t like to remember,” she responds quietly, her eyes not meeting mine. “It just reminds me that Prim isn’t here.”

“She’s always here, sweetheart. Inside you and even me.” My hand goes to unravel the band that holds her braid together so I can run my fingers through her hair. “It’s not bad to celebrate that your heart still beats…that you’re getting wiser…and even more beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Katniss laughs shyly, hearing my words. She looks around before looking to me again. “Is she here now?”

“No. You know that Prim never comes around unless it’s an emergency,” I tell her. “If she needs us then she knocks.”

Katniss pushes up on her elbow to look down at me, her eyes forlorn. “I don’t want to upset her. My last birthday…no one remembered. I think my mom chose not to remember, Gale was in the mines, and you were…gone. So I just learned that celebrating me wasn’t important.”

“Don’t ever say that.” My stony tone immediately stills her. “Katniss, it was you who made me breathe again and the one who keeps me breathing.”

“That’s a tall order,” she whispers into the darkness.

“But it’s the truth,” I tell her.

We go silent. It has been strange for us these past few weeks. Ever since I revealed my theory on why Prim is still is here, Katniss is careful around me. Her smiles are calculated as are every one of her actions. I know that she doesn’t want to trigger me but I miss the freeness of her kiss, the open smiles, and the unrepentant bits of affection that she gives me.

“What do you want for your birthday?” I ask suddenly.

“I want to pretend that there are no Games,” Katniss tells me in a tight voice. “I want to pretend that we’re just a couple living together, not worrying that come next year you’ll be away mentoring children who are going to die and further fucking up your psyche…I want to pretend that my sister isn’t gone…that she’s on some long trip to the furthest borders of Panem…and I want to pretend that we have the freedom to love each other without the threat of getting hurt…to make love and not worry that there will be children that can be tossed into a bloodbath!”

At the end of it, Katniss is in tears and I pull her close.

“Okay…” I rock her in my arms as she cries helplessly. No one should be this broken on their birthday, especially someone as pure as my Katniss. “…let’s pretend.”

++++++

Katniss had already fallen asleep when I hear the knock on the door. Carefully, I move Katniss off my chest and onto her pillow before covering her bare shoulder with a blanket.

Tears soon turned to frantic kisses, leading me to peel her nightgown off, and bring my mouth in-between her legs. I’ve never done that before…taste Katniss. However, I find myself addicted to her, my appetite gluttonous as she arched into my tongue.

She climaxed with my name on her lips.

I will taste her again.

Getting up, I throw my sweater on and open the door slightly to see Prim standing before me.

I give her a smile. It is well past midnight. “Happy birthday, my friend.”

“And, may the odds be ever in my favor,” she responds in Effie’s trademark Capitol accent, a playful grin on her lips. “Is she awake?”

“No.” I don’t widen the door but the color growing on my cheeks is enough for Prim to deduce what just happened. “Are you alright?”

“Peeta, I need your help,” Prim suddenly says.

Stepping out, I close the door behind me. “What’s up?”

“Do you know what a postcard is?”

++++++

Watching Katniss sleep, I think of that moment in the forest—on her and Prim’s twelfth birthday. She looked so free even though we knew that it was the first time that we’d be put into the lottery for the Games. I remember that small content smile on her lips, the same smile that now graces her features.

Today, Katniss is nineteen, life-weary and missing her other half.

However, I still see that twelve-year-old. The one so full of hope and content to look up at the sky.

I do what I wanted to do those many years ago.

I give her a birthday kiss.

She stirs against my lips, her arms looping around my neck to pull me closer and taste the cool morning.

“Mmm…” Katniss’ content moan vibrates on my mouth causing my bottom half to stir. Slowly her eyes flutter open and meet mine drawing a smile from her.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” I greet her as her sleepy eyes focus on me. Her hand reaches to play with the scruff on my chin. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you,” she sighs against me. “What happens now?”

“Well…” I give her a quick kiss before crossing the room and picking up the tray that I worked on as she slept. “…birthday girls get a pick on the breakfast tray. Also—” I take the delicate daisy chain that I made from my side table. “—every Queen deserves a crown.”

Gently, I place it atop her raven waves and Katniss gives me a playful smile. “I don’t remember you being so skilled at daisy chains.” Her hand moves to straighten the crown of fragile blooms and her eyes meet mine, a tender light in them. “How did you figure it out?”

“Prim helped me,” I tell her bashfully. “It took a few tries and she got frustrated at about four in the morning, but I did it.”

“You did it well.”

Her eyes go to her plate, looking at the eggs and ham pieces along with the short stack.

“My dad used to make pancakes for my brothers and me whenever one of us had a birthday,” I say. “Thought I’d keep it in the family.”

“But, I’m not family,” she responds quietly.

I lift her chin so I can look into her eyes. “Not yet.” I give her a mock-pout. “I mean I keep asking you…”

She rolls her eyes, a good-natured smile on her lips. “I already accepted.”

“Yes and as lovely as you look with your crown and nothing else on, now is not the time for me to ask.” My eyes go to the thin sheet wrapped around her. “We’ll know when the time is right. It’ll come like the tide or the spring rain—when we least expect it.” I hand her a cloth napkin that I manage to dig up in my dining room. “Now you better eat, we have a busy day.”

Katniss picks up her fork on the tray. “What are we doing?”

“We’re pretending.”

++++++

It had been a long while since I’ve traveled through the town so it’s not a surprise that everyone is gawking at the recluse Victor of District 12, especially when I’m walking hand in hand with Katniss, who is from the Seam.

Katniss hesitates when I lead her to the storefront that is close to the Justice Building. “What are we doing here?”

“I owe you a green sweater,” I tell her. “My brother said that you might like this place.”

Tentatively, I turn the knob and open the door for Katniss to enter. She gives me a doubtful look before walking inside. Following her in, I close the door and look around to see that we are surrounded in an array of fabric rolls and mannequins.

There’s a delicate pair of steps and we turn to see the mayor’s daughter, Madge Undersee, approaching us.

“Peeta!”

She rushes over to give me a hug. Our parents have been friends since they were children and Madge is like the sister that we Mellark brothers were missing. At one point, Madge and Rye were an item. Time and circumstance had changed them and the two separated though they have remained very good friends.

However, this doesn’t stop Katniss from narrowing her eyes at Madge’s affection. We all went to school together but the two weren’t very close. I was the only one who crossed the Seam/Merchant line.

“Hey Madge,” I greet her. “I didn’t know that this was your place.”

“I couldn’t just sit around with my parents at their place,” Madge declares. “I spent a lot of time making my own clothes as well my mother’s so I figured that I might just want to open my own shop.” She turns to Katniss, a bright smile on her face before gathering her into an embrace. “Happy birthday, Katniss!”

“Uh…thanks,” Katniss responds awkwardly. “This place looks really nice.”

“It’s not much, but it’s mine,” Madge tells her proudly. “If it weren’t for Peeta, I wouldn’t have gotten it started though.”

Katniss turns to me. “What do you mean?”

“My winnings,” I explain. “I gave it all to the town. I get a monthly stipend which is more than enough and the house is taken care of. What would I need all that money for? Mayor Undersee decided to grant loans using the sum to create businesses and increase commerce here in 12.”

“I was one of the first applicants,” Madge adds. “But, it wasn’t easy. I appeared before a committee and they voted…”

“I didn’t realize that you were so prolific,” Katniss remarks softly.

I shake my head. “I’m not. Whenever I was at the bakery, Dad would tell me about the comings and goings of the town. He’s also on the committee so he let me know about this place when it got approved. I just don’t think he realized that I was listening.”

“Good news, boss,” Madge quips. “I’ve paid off the loan this past year.” Taking Katniss’ hand, my friend walks her over to the fabric stacks and swatches. “I heard that Peeta ruined a green sweater of yours.”

“Yeah.” Katniss looks to me, her eyes teasing. “But, I don’t need much.”

“I owe you,” I tell her simply. Joining them, I lift Katniss’ chin and press a kiss to her lips as Madge continues to examine how each swatch looks next to her olive skin. “I think you’ll probably need a new coat for the winter and so will your mother.”

“Peeta!” Katniss protests. “I really don’t need all of this.”

“You will,” I tell her. “The truth is that it won’t be long before the Capitol knows that I’m alright. I know it, Katniss. I’m going to mentor or the uprising will happen.” Madge hums pretending that she doesn’t hear what we’re discussing. I know her though; she has always been a bit of a rebel and supports the cause wholeheartedly. This shop is just one of the ways that she nurtures her vices. “You’re coming with me, right?”

Katniss nods, her eyes watering in worry. “Of course.”

“Then, Effie will be beside herself if her Victor’s wife doesn’t look any less than exceptional,” I inform her. Katniss chuckles at the way I describe my former escort though the smile on her face grows hearing the word ‘wife’. “So either you let Madge help you or you let Effie.”

“And, you can yell at me,” Madge tells her. Katniss can’t help but let out a laugh and Madge looks surprised by the sound. However, I can see the tears filming in her bright blue eyes. “Oh, Katniss…it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you or Peeta laugh or smile. I have to say that I like it.”

“If only we could get Gale in on this,” Katniss says to her. “Maybe you can convince him to buy a coat for the winter.”

“The Southern King,” I muse to myself. “If we could get him in here without a fight, I would pay for that coat.”

“Gale would look nice in navy…the coolness would go well with his eyes…” Madge muses to herself, her voice light. She realizes that we are staring at her and quickly shakes herself out of her reverie. “I’m sorry! Got distracted for a moment. Let me grab the other fabrics that I have for you.”

My friend quickly disappears into her backroom.

Katniss looks to me, her eyes contemplative. “I think that she might be hiding something.”

“Are you trying to set them up?” I respond.

“Gale can find his own women!” Katniss argues. Suddenly, she throws her arms around my neck burying her lips into my neck. “Thank you for doing this.”

My insides warm hearing the happiness in her voice. Because it’s been so long since the sun has shone on Katniss, the Queen of the Sunset. She always chose to stand on the side, to let Prim shine because everyone loves what’s golden.

I have always loved the Sunset—the rich orange of warmth and fire. Only Katniss can give me that.

Looking out of the window, I notice that Prim stands outside, her eyes focused on the store then on Madge who is walking back out with a book of fabric samples.

“There’s this one medium knit that would be perfect for you, Katniss,” Madge informs her.

“I’m going to step outside for a bit,” I tell them. “Madge, just bill whatever Katniss decides on to the bakery. My Dad knows what to do.”

“Sure, Peeta,” my friend says easily. “We’ll be fine.”

I kiss the top of Katniss’ head hurriedly. “Have fun.”

Her greys look worriedly at me. “Where are you going?”

“Just outside,” I assure her. “Knock on the window if you need anything.”

Walking outside, I sit down on the stairs of the storefront and wait for Prim to join me. There’s something in her eyes, a blueness that I’ve never seen inside her. Once again, she looks through the window where Katniss is talking to Madge. They are both looking through the fabric book, laughing together as they peruse the selections.

“She hasn’t forgotten about you,” I say quietly.

The road is not very busy since most of the men are in the mine and the women are either working or with their children, so no one notices that I’m talking to the air.

“Madge is nice,” Prim responds tiredly. “I’ve always thought so and look how happy my sister looks—” She turns to the window where Katniss is being measured by our friend. I catch the wistfulness on Prim’s face. “I miss doing girly things, too. I miss doing them with her.”

I meet her eyes. “I’m sorry that I’m not quite up to par.” Prim chuckles quietly at my words. “But, I have a little something extra that keeps me from participating in the girl talk with you.” I give her a smile. “Prim, I think that she’s doing all of this like you’re alive. Remember she’s pretending that you’re still around, just on a long trip.”

“I know,” Prim responds, almost painfully, as she looks out onto the lonely road. “The problem is that I never get off the train.”

++++++

“Thanks,” Gale says to us as we sit outside the mine as he eats lunch. We stopped by the bakery and purchased enough loaves for the men to pass around. Our friend eats ravenously. “By the way, happy birthday, Katniss.”

“Appreciate it,” Katniss tells him. “When are you getting off?”

“I’ve been here since 6 so…maybe 5, this evening,” he informs us. “I’m going to stay over at Haymitch’s.” Gale gives me a nod. “Don’t worry. I’ll hold down the fort…you just show her a good time.”

“So I guess you two have been planning something behind my back,” Katniss says as she looks between us.

“Katniss, you’re getting paranoid,” Gale tells her, mirth in his eyes. “I think it’s because you’re getting old.” She quickly socks him in the arm and he yelps. “I’m just kidding! You’re only a month younger than Peeta, three months younger than me!”

I put an arm around Katniss’ shoulders and kiss her temple. “But, she is much wiser.”

She blushes under my gaze, her mouth reaching to graze over mine. “Glad you realize that.”

There’s a series of catcalls and we look to see that the rest of the miners are watching us with grins on their faces. Katniss buries her face in my shoulder just as Gale’s boss approaches us. He’s a burly man with a thick beard and similar dark eyes to Gale.

He holds out his hand to me. “Jaspar Lloyd, Mr. Mellark.”

“Just Peeta,” I tell the man. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well,” he responds and pauses for moment. Finally, he looks to me. “I just wanted to say on behalf of us all that we’re very proud of you.”

“I didn’t do anything.” My eyes go to Katniss, who watches the exchange. “I just wanted to bring Prim home to her.”

“We know,” Jaspar says, his eyes downtrodden. “And, none of that was your fault. The Capitol has forgotten about the other Districts, especially 12 and you as well as Prim showed them that we’re still here. You showed them that they don’t control us.” The man moves in closer. “Whatever you have planned, you have our support. We, miners—we’re with you.”

I look around and realize that the group is watching us. Slowly, they bring three fingers to their lips and raise them in the air for me to see. I feel Katniss’ hand grip my own and then the tentative hand on my shoulder that belongs to Gale as my eyes round the crowd holding the District 12 sign up.

Shakily, I stand up and look at the group. They’re all depending on me to be their voice.

And yes, I am scared of what might happen, what havoc Snow may impart but Jaspar is right—we will not be forgotten.

“Thank you,” I tell them, my voice choked with tears. “From Prim and me…thank you.”

++++++

“Are you afraid?” Katniss asks me as we walk into Victors’ Village later that evening.

We stayed a little longer at the mine, speaking to the men and letting them tell us stories from their pasts. A lot of the older men remember Katniss’ Dad and it warmed my heart to watch her light up listening to stories about him. Also, they each wanted to let me know individually that they supported me. It was the father in each of them that understood why my father and Haymitch perpetuated the rumor about my insanity.

It was all for my protection.

“Yes,” I reply truthfully. “Our District thinks that I can save them.”

Katniss looks to me. “You can.”

“I couldn’t save Prim.” She presses closer to me. “I wanted to save her more than anything. Because you needed her.”

“I need you, too,” Katniss says vehemently. “I’m just starting to realize that life doesn’t always go the way you think. Prim will always be with me—our bond is infinite. But, I also know that I would have no kind of life if you weren’t here with me.” She stops and turns, going on her tip-toes to kiss me gently. “I want to watch you become the great leader that you were always meant to be, that I’ve always known you were. I want to help you get there. I’m with you, my King.”

Drawing her close, my lips find hers eagerly and she presses herself to me, the softness of her body melting into mine. She moans against my lips and I grow hard at the sensuous vibration.

My front door opens and we pull apart just as Rye steps out onto our porch. He grins seeing us, faces flush and obviously in the middle of something that wasn’t meant for public eyes.

“Just thought that I’d drop something off for the birthday girl,” he tells us. Rye walks over to us, his hand going to Katniss’ shoulder. “Happy birthday, gorgeous.” Then my brother meets my eyes and gives me an approving nod. “Quite the setup you got in there.”

I’m confused at his words. “What?”

“Have a good night, you two,” Rye calls out as he leaves Victors’ Village.

We look across the way and see that the lights are on in Haymitch’s house. Gale is there and I feel more assured knowing that there is someone manning the fort for Katniss and me. I wouldn’t be surprised if Prim is with him.

“It’s getting cold,” Katniss tells me. “We should get inside.”

Going to the front porch, I open the door and let her enter first before stepping in.

The sight before us stops us in our tracks.

Everywhere there are candles, each glowing softly, and filling the house with a gentle shower of light. Katniss steps forward slowly, looking around at each variety of candle before turning to me.

“Did you do all this?” she asks, her voice just above a whisper.

I shake my head. “Not me. I’ve been with you.” Taking her hand, I lead her to the dining room. “This is pure Prim.”

“Can she do this?” Her eyes go to the table where the cake that I had Rye bring over sits and Katniss’ lips lift seeing the design on the top of it. “Primroses…”

“I thought you’d like it,” I tell her as I pull up a chair for her. “Rye and Gregory did really good work. We’ll bring some over for Gale and his family. The rest can go to you and your mom.” My eyes look around the softly lit room. “She’s getting powerful.”

“What do you mean?” Katniss asks.

“Let’s blow out your candle first.” Picking up a long tapered candle, I use it to light the single candle that stands atop Katniss’ cake. “Make a wish, Katniss.”

She gives me an amused smile before closing her eyes. I barely have enough time to read her quick mouthing before Katniss blows out the candle.

“To answer your question, either she somehow got Rye or Gale to do this—” I explain. “—or, she somehow conjured enough energy to do this herself. Prim wanted you to have the birthday that you wanted and so did I. Someone up there is just making it possible.”

Going to the cabinet next to us, I open the drawer to retrieve the thing that had left Prim’s energy waning by the end of it.

Sitting next to Katniss, I school my expression and hand her the small rectangular cardstock.

“Prim couldn’t get back home on time,” I tell her. My voice is choked, remembering Prim’s determination to accomplish this. Nothing was worse than watching my friend cry in frustration over three small sentences. She wouldn’t let me help, her pride and determination too strong. “But, she wanted me to give you this.”

Katniss looks at the simple picture of the beachside that I drew on the front of the card before turning the card and letting out a cry.

For written on the back of the postcard, besides our address, is Prim’s birthday message painstakingly written by her own hand to her twin sister:

_Katniss,_

_I am fine. I miss you. I love you._

_-Prim_

“You see, Katniss?” I struggle through my words, tears filling my throat. Katniss hugs the postcard to her chest as she sobs. “She’s only on a trip. One day, you’ll see her again.”

++++++

“Katniss?” I knock on the door of the bathroom worriedly. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she responds, her voice muffled through the door. “Go to the bed, I’ll be out there soon.”

“Okay.”

I head down the hallway to our room and wait on the end of our bed. The candles have all been blown out downstairs and the cake has been eaten. In an hour, Katniss’ birthday will be over and she will go back to being a girl that lost her other half.

I hope, in some way, that I can fill some of the empty space inside her heart.

My eyes go to the postcard on Katniss’ side table. I scoot over to pick it up, tracing my fingers over my friend’s words and remembering Prim’s slow, labored movements. Every sweep of a letter was like running a marathon for her and my memory hears her heavy breathing. Those three sentences took three hours, but Prim knew it was worth it if we could just pretend for a day that she was on a trip.

“Peeta?”

I look up and my heart stops seeing Katniss before me.

She is wearing a long, silky nightgown, white as the moonlight shining through our windows. Her hair rests gently along her shoulders and as she walks towards me, the gown moves gracefully along the floor.

"You…" My words can't seem to formulate correctly as I stand. "…are beautiful."

Swallowing the nervous lump in my throat, my hand goes to the strap of the gown, caressing her bare shoulder. There’s something electric in the air and I can hear Katniss’ own shaky breaths as I move my hand along her skin.

My gaze goes to her heated eyes. “Is this really happening?”

“Only if you want it to,” she replies in a soft voice, her hand going to the silk against her body. “This is the only thing that I specifically asked Madge for. What do you think?”

I move closer until our chests are just grazing against each other. In the gown, her skin seems to glow, calling out to be touched and caressed.  My mouth goes to her neck to move my rough lips against her soft skin.

“I think that I’m getting one of these for you in every color.”

I hear her laugh quietly against my ear. “Are you going to grant my birthday wish, Peeta?”

The room is dimly lit because of the lone candle that burns on her side table and when we get to the edge of the bed, it seems to burn out all by itself. We both sit on her side of the bed, the moonlight from our window in front of us.

My hand reaches to cup her cheek and she falls easily into my touch. “I love you.”

Her smoky eyes look up at me, aching in hunger. “I love you.”

I reach to move my hand to the nape of her neck to bring her face to mine in a gentle kiss. It doesn’t stay gentle for long, her tongue caressing mine as our kiss deepens and I’m only faintly aware that I have maneuvered Katniss over my lap, pushing her skirt up her thighs. My hands cradle her bottom as she grinds against my length, sending shocks of desire rushing through my sensitive body.

My mouth is always on hers even as I move her gown above her head. Every inch of skin that is revealed as I unravel her is kissed by me, her moans deepening when my mouth finds its way to one peaked nipple followed by the other before the gown is pulled off her body and thrown to the ground.

Katniss takes over, her arms going around my neck as she pulls me into another messy, needy kiss. Her hands fumble to move my shirt over my head and I am momentarily blinded as she pulls it off of me. It doesn’t stop her from following my actions and kissing the parts of myself that are revealed to her.

“Fuck!” Her mouth grazes along one nipple and I’m surprised by how good this sensation feels. “Wait.”

She moves off of me as I stand up from our bed. Katniss’ eyes are inky…dark, glittering as she watches me move my pajama bottoms off to reveal all of me for her to see. I watch her stare travel from my face, down to my chest, and then to my bottom half where my cock stands erect at her attention.

Katniss has seen me before but there’s something different about her look, a feral light behind it.

Approaching, I press a knee into the mattress as I move onto the bed. She lays back expectantly, her dark hair fanning around her as she beckons me.

“Come here,” Katniss whispers, her arms out.

Carefully, I move over her until my chest is pressed to hers gently. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” Her hand reaches to push my hair back. “You will take care of me.”

I lean down to kiss her and one of my hands travels down her stomach towards her splayed legs. In-between her thighs, I find her center, warm and welcoming to my fingers. Katniss adjusts and when I hear her gasp, I know that she understands that I’m preparing her for more, hoping to make her feel good once I am inside her.

Moving my fingers from within her, I smell the musk of her arousal and the scent causes my length to react, steeling it until I find the head of my cock teasing her plump, aroused lips. Katniss squirms underneath, her pelvis arching eagerly to bring me inside of her.

“I’m going to try to go as slow as I can. Just tell me if you’re uncomfortable, okay?”

She nods, her gaze frantic and eager.

My mouth goes to hers as I line my cock with her wetness and gently push into her inch-by-inch. The nerves of my tip revel in the sensation of her pulsing inner muscles and the feeling of being enveloped in Katniss’ heat overtakes me.

I let out a breath to gather myself and I meet her pained eyes. “Tell me when you want to stop, sweetheart.”

Katniss shakes her head, her jaw hanging in a slow thirst for more. “Keep going.” I push forward and feel that bit of resistance. She hisses but shakes her head. “It’s okay…this is what is supposed to happen. Let go, Peeta. I’m going to take care of you.”

Those words cause the last bit of resistance to shatter.

I jerk inside her, feeling something break and her hands that once moved lightly against my back suddenly painfully grasp at my shoulders as she lets out a muffled shout into her pillow.

“Oh God, I’m sorry!” I attempt to move off of her but Katniss refuses, wrapping her arms around me, holding me close, her nipples brushing against my own sensitive ones.

“Just relax,” Katniss says breathlessly. “Relax…” Her eyes meet mine. “This is our first time. I want to remember it.” She adjusts and I feel her inner muscles react causing my eyes to roll back in pleasure. She smiles teasingly. “You like that?”

I nod, biting my lower lip to temper the pleasure coursing through my body. I want this to be good for her, too.

Letting her set the pace, Katniss experiments, moving slowly then building up speed every so often. Her eyes begin to glaze as she continues to travel along my cock.

“Fuck,” she gasps out as she hurriedly thrusts her pelvis up. When she does it again, I meet her thrust and Katniss lets out a pleasured cry. “More!”

“You want more?” Katniss nods frantically and I kiss her eager to taste her tongue on mine. I continue to kiss down her neck before my mouth goes around a hard bud. “Wrap your legs around my waist.”

She quickly moves her long, lean legs around my waist and I push my knees onto the mattress for leverage so I can go deeper into her.

I wish for the day when we can marry so I can feel myself wrapped inside her whenever the mood strikes us—so I can make her lose control, so I can make her scream my name when she comes…

I begin to move faster. My hips piston to meet her fervor thrusts and my mouth goes to her sweaty skin, eager to taste what our union does to her body. I’m dizzy in the movement, in the taste, in the sounds of our joining.

I meet her lust-glassed eyes.

“I’m going to…” I can’t finish, the sensations taking over and my release escaping and filling her. The tenseness in my stomach relaxes, calming my body and I’m gasping out her name in worship. “Katniss…Katniss…Katniss…”

She peppers my face with kisses, drawing me to her chest to feel the frantic beating of her heart.

“You didn’t…” I whisper shamefully into her ear.

“Still felt good…” she assures me in her daze, her lips drawn into a smile.

I move my head off her chest so my mouth is directly against her lips and my tongue draws out to suck. Katniss moans, her insides clenching at the feel of our kiss.

Taking her hand, I move it between us where we’re still joined before going back to pressing wet kisses all the way down to her sensitive buds. Katniss quickly catches on, moving her fingers along her clit as I continue to suck on her nipples, alternating my mouth between the two.

“I won’t last long if you keeping doing that…” she tells me in an aching voice. “…feels so fucking good…” Katniss moves her fingers faster along her peaked pearl causing her muscles to tremble around my thoroughly milked length inside her.

Licking my fingers, I begin to pluck and tease a bud as my mouth latches onto the other.

“Peeta!”

There is nothing more beautiful than Katniss Everdeen climaxing in front of me, around me, and because of me.

Her pelvis rises, short breaths escaping her pretty lips as a blush overtakes her richly-colored body.

She relaxes, her body falling back against our mattress as I slowly move off of her, careful to be gentle as I pull out of her. Katniss still hisses, her sore muscle protesting at the sudden movement.

Meeting my eyes, she smiles through exhausted but content greys. “I love you.”

My index finger goes to her unblemished abdomen. “I love you…” My finger moves in a circle as I slowly write against her damp skin, _N…W…E…S_ in each of their quadrants. “…in every direction, known and unknown.”

++++++

My eyes open abruptly to the frantic knocking downstairs.

Sitting up, I look over to see Katniss fast asleep, a content smile on her exhausted face and I sit up to press a kiss to the top of her head.

“Peeta!” I look up to see Prim standing in front of us, her eyes panicked.

She wouldn’t barge in unless it was an emergency.

I nod and quickly make a grab for my discarded pants, changing quickly under our blankets before rushing down the stairs.

Opening the door, I find Gale standing before me with anxious eyes.

“There was a flash flood. Took out most of the Tributes,” he informs me in a rush. “11, 8, and 5 are gone. There are only four left.”

“Who?” I ask in worry.

“Rory and Jean.” I let out a relieved sigh. “As well as Athena and Tanner from District 2.” His eyes meet mine solemnly. “They’ve added a rule—two Tributes from the same district can’t be the final two. If that happens, they are both eliminated. There will be no winner of The Hunger Games.”

“I don’t understand.” I search my mind for reason. “Why would they do that?”

“Simple answer,” Gale tells me. “They don’t want a repeat of you and Prim.”

* * *

 

So it’s gets a little thicker now.

I’m not that great at writing action though but I’m working on it.

We’re getting to the last few chapters. I think we have about two or three more to go, depending on how it goes in the next chapter.

A few things to note:

Gale and Peeta have turned nineteen in previous chapters but it’s not mentioned as they both didn’t think about it, making Prim and Katniss the youngest of the group.

The green sweater is mentioned in previous chapters because Peeta ruined it during a flashback. I imagine that though it is small to Katniss, he feels very guilty about it.

You might’ve noticed that Prim’s presence is not too large in this chapter and for good reason. She has wasted her energy by writing to Katniss. I’ve always believed that ghosts have a way of drawing energy from things to make themselves known. Prim, however, is pulling it all from herself and possibly from the people around her which exhausts her in the process.

Did Prim light all those candles? No. She can instinctually possess people, not by entering their body but being able to influence their actions. Rye was meant to just drop off the cake but he did not realize that he placed and lit all those candles by the time he left.

Madge is kind of this late but pretty significant addition. I really like how she’s really come into her own and created this business all her own. I hope you like her because I really do.

As always, feedback is always welcomed. If you have a guest review on FFn, I won’t be able to respond to you via the website so please e-mail me or message me on Tumblr!

Also, thank you for being so patient as I got myself together and participated in Prompts in Panem. I hope you enjoyed everyone’s fabulous work!

Next, Chapter Ten: The Aftermath of it all…

Until then, JLaLa

 


	10. To The Victor...

We’re getting to the end. Thank you if you’re still riding out this story!

The characters of The Hunger Games do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Ten: To The Victor…_

No Victor.

It sounds incredulous to not have a winner. Then, I think that Snow and his team are clever to hold that threat over the Tributes. Because it shows the Tributes, it shows the entirety of Panem that President Snow holds the cards—that we shouldn’t forget to be grateful for the chance to fight for our lives.

Because with one push of a button, any of us… _all_ of us can be eliminated.

“I’ll wake Katniss,” I tell Gale after a moment.

“Don’t bother.” I turn to see Katniss descending the stairs in my pajama top, still half-asleep. Her hair is mussed roughly in the back and her lips look bee-stung from the numerous times that I sucked on her lower lip in hunger. “What’s going on?”

“There are only four Tributes left,” I explain. She stops at the last step, her hand resting on the banister at my words. “Rory and Jean…and Athena and Tanner from District 2. There’s also been a rule change.”

Katniss nods. “I’ll go change and we’ll be at Haymitch’s in a few minutes!” She turns running up the stairs. The bottom of my shirt slightly rides up at her motions, brushing against her bare legs, and it is clear that she isn’t wearing anything underneath.

I turn just in time to see Gale turning away from staring up at her and raise a predatory brow.

Gale shrugs at the tightness of my mouth. “I couldn’t help it.” There’s a slight teasing in his voice and his lips rise in a smirk. “Calm down, North Star. Clearly, she only has eyes for you.”

I snort at his easiness. “We’ll see you at the house.”

Closing the door, I begin my ascent up the stairs when I realize something.

Gale actually called me by Prim’s nickname.

It’s a step to where we once were. Friends, brothers, Kings.

And I am assured, despite the situation, there is still hope.

Snow can never destroy that.

++++++

“So it’s all or nothing,” Katniss says as she stares at the projection.

Jean and Rory are climbing up one of the many mountain ranges trying to scope out a good vantage point. Athena and Tanner are on the opposite side of the Arena though I am sure that the Gamemakers are working on a way to get them all together.

From their spot, Jean and Rory can see anyone approaching them. However, it makes it much easier for Athena and Tanner to spot the two. Athena is adept at knife-throwing but I’m not sure how well she is with distance.

However, Rory is an expert with a bow. If anyone is going to make a kill from a distance, it’s going to be him.

Also, it is apparent that Jean intends to be the killer of the two. Her mission is clear: keep Rory pure, keep him innocent. She intends to be his guard and sacrifice herself.

Snow clearly saw through this. Thus the reason the new rule was created.

No one will remain innocent.

“Now what?” Rory asks his partner. He pants tiredly as does Jean. They’re out of water and there’s no way to hunt for food without separating, an even worse move on their part.

“We wait.” Jean looks up at the Arena sky. “They’ll bring them to us. I’m ready for the end.”

Rory looks to her, his grey eyes troubled. “I’m not.”

Jean stares at him for a long moment before holding an arm out. “Come here.” Gale’s little brother immediately goes to her and lets Jean cradle him. “You’re as close as I’ll get to a little brother…it’s sad that I’ve never known you till now.”

“We’re always going to be connected,” Rory tells her softly. He breathes her in and the camera closes up on his expression, the thin lining of tears in his eyes. “If I die, will you tell them that I tried my hardest? That I fought? Even after I’m gone, I don’t want them to give up. They have their leader. They just need to believe.”

“You say the same.” Jean swallows, her voice thick. “Tell them the same. Tell my parents—” She whispers in Rory’s ear, quietly enough that no one can catch it. “Promise?”

Rory nods, his eyes closing as Jean hums quietly. It is that haunting lullaby that I know will be replayed over and over after her or Rory’s death. They kept their words ambiguous but knowing Haymitch’s plans, I am unaware that the “them” refers to the revolutionaries in hiding. Jean and Rory are asking them to believe in the cause.

They’re asking them and anyone else to believe in me—their leader.

Their wayward Victor.

“It’s coming.” I meet Prim’s eyes. There is a thinness in them and she seems a little more worn. “The end.”

I nod at her. “You think?”

“I know.”

++++++

“I have to warn you,” Haymitch says quietly as we speak later that night. “If Jean or Rory wins, you need to get the Victor’s family out of their home. There is some discontent here in the Capitol…and some people coming out of the woodwork.”

“Like who?”

“Certain people who know exactly how it feels to be in this particular situation,” he responds. “As well as some others…as much as I’d like to go on—the interceptor on this phone wavers. Just do what I ask.”

“Of course,” I promise him. “Haymitch, you’re being careful, right?”

The man chuckles gruffly into the receiver. “I didn’t know you cared.”

“Well, you’ve gone and crept into my system—like a disease,” I retort.

“You’re a real charmer.” The sarcasm in his tone heavy. “They like that in the Capitol.”

“I try.” I let out an anxious breath. “I’ll see you soon.”

Hanging up, I turn to Gale, Katniss, and Prim. “I guess there’s nothing to do but wait.”

Katniss rushes over to me, her arms reaching to wrap around my neck.

“I’m with you.” She says, burying her head against me.

“Me, too,” Gale agrees. “Whatever you need of me.”

“Until the end,” Prim promises.

“We need to talk to your family, Gale,” I tell him. “Jean’s, too. If one of them wins, their family will need to be taken away. I don’t know what the plan is but I think Haymitch is telling me that there will be retaliation. Very similar to what happened to him.”

Gale nods, swallowing shallowly. “We’ll go to my mother first.”

++++++

The Hawthorne’s home is small, similar in structure to all the other Seam square-style cottages, but it is comfortable and lived-in. Hazelle is olive-skinned, grey-eyed, and long-limbed like the rest of her family. I imagine that Katniss will look similar to her as she gets older.

“Thank you for the cake, Peeta,” she says with a smile. I can see where Gale got his grin. “It’s a rare treat to have sweets.” She takes out plates as Vick, who is 15, takes a knife to begin slicing. “It’s been a long while since you’ve come around.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Hawthorne.” My eyes go to the rough table in front of me. “I haven’t been well.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Her hand reaches over to squeeze mine. “That wasn’t easy what you went through.”

Her kindness breaks me and I nod, trying not to let the tears escape my eyes.

“Would you like a piece?”

I look up to see Posy, the youngest Hawthorne at 5, holding out a plate. Her eyes, wide and innocent, beam at me. She gives me a sweet smile, bouncing on her feet with the cake in her tiny hands.

“Sure,” I reply. “If you will share with me.”

Posy nods, handing me the plate, before climbing onto my lap. Taking a fork from the pile on the table, she spears a piece before bringing it to my lips.

“Eat,” she commands and I hold in a smile before letting her feed me.

“Looks like Katniss has some competition,” Vick quips.

I guffaw. “She’d gladly give me up to such a cutie.” Posy grins before serving herself a piece of cake. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Vick says as Gale joins his side. “It comes and goes.”

Vick has asthma. It’s been that way since he was a kid and was the main reason why he didn’t volunteer for Rory. Rory and Gale would rather they go than him because he wouldn’t have lasted a minute in the Arena. Vick is a good kid and spends his time taking care of the house along with his mother since he can’t work in the mines.

“I’ve asked my Dad to find you a better inhaler,” I tell him. “I’ll have it sent to my place and your brother can pick it up. It’s getting to that season.”

He nods and smiles gratefully. “Thank you.”

“So, tell us,” Hazelle says. “What brings you here?”

There’s a knock on the front door and Katniss enters along with a reluctant Mrs. Everdeen. I can tell that they’re both upset but Katniss brightens seeing Posy on my lap, trying to cajole me into another piece of cake.

Gale offers them seats before looking back to me.

“I’m here because if Rory wins, you have to leave this place immediately,” I tell them.

Hazelle clasps her hands on the table. I can tell that she is trying to understand my words and the urgency of them.

“Why?” she asks diplomatically.

“Because something is happening in the Capitol,” I explain. “Something that happened when Prim—” I look over at Katniss and her pale-faced mother. “—ate the Nightlock in the arena. There are people who aren’t happy that an innocent girl would rather die than allow herself to kill her friend for viewership. They aren’t happy with Snow and he knows it. If Rory or Jean wins, it will be the second time in a span of two years that District 12 has bested him. He won’t stand for it.”

“Where will we go?” she asks anxiously.

“Haymitch Abernathy’s house. It’s protected,” Gale tells her. “If someone from District 12 wins, I know that Peacekeepers will be nosing around here before Rory or Jean even reach home. They’re going to make sure that Rory or Jean stays in their place, be his perfect Victor. If Snow has to hurt us or Jean’s family, he will to get their compliance.”

A cold voice suddenly asks, “Then, why are we here?”

I meet Mrs. Everdeen’s eyes, seeing Prim’s bright blues and golden hair. However, it is in a much wintered state on the twins’ mother. I meet Katniss’ eyes and steel myself to tell Mrs. Everdeen my intentions with Katniss.

“Because of me,” Katniss tells her. “Because of Prim…but most of all—”

“Because I want to marry Katniss,” I say. “Because I’m in love with your daughter. Snow knows that he can break me by taking the both of you away.”

Mrs. Everdeen shakes her head, meeting my eyes squarely. “No. You’ve taken one of my daughters away. I won’t let you take the other.”

“Mama!” I whip around quickly to see Prim in the corner of the room. “You apologize to Peeta!”

Of course, Mrs. Everdeen can’t hear her.

Her mother continues to tell me that I’m not good enough. That I couldn’t protect Prim. How am I going to stop Peacekeepers from taking her or Katniss? I let her words fill me, letting them shatter the hope that keeps me sustaining.

“Peeta.” I look down at Posy. “Tell Miss Prim to stop yelling. She is the loudest out of all of them!”

The room goes silent. I see that Posy is staring directly at Prim, her eyes innocently watching as Prim straightens herself.

A cry escapes Mrs. Everdeen’s mouth, “W-What did you say?”

“Miss Prim says to listen to Peeta…to not fight him,” the little girl says. “He loves Katniss. Miss Prim chose to lose the Games.” Her dark eyes glaze as she tries to remember everything that Prim said. “Because Miss Prim wouldn’t let the bad man take her right to choose how her life ended. And, because Katniss needs Peeta. They need each other.”

Mrs. Everdeen kneels before her. “Can you see her?”

“Sometimes, she comes around,” Posy tells her in a light voice. “Sometimes, I see her follow Gale home. I see her play with Gale’s hair while he sleeps.”

I watch Katniss look at her mother, hurt apparent in her eyes.

Oh God, is she hurt.

Once again, her mother has forgotten that she is even there, so caught up in the daughter who left much too soon. I watch    Katniss stand and quietly leave the small hut.

Carefully, I scoot Posy off my lap and nod at Gale before heading out the door in search of Katniss.

Katniss is standing outside, her back to me. I can tell by the trembling in her shoulders that she is crying.

“Katniss…” She turns to me, her grey eyes rimmed with red and her cheeks flushed from her weeping.

In the end, Katniss is just a girl who needs her mother’s love. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand. I’ve been conditioned to never expect anything but resentment from my mother.

Once upon a time when there were two, their mother loved them, cherished them.

It must be painful to feel that you’re worth nothing when it’s just you alone.

She waves me off. “I’m fine. It’s stupid to hope, really. It’s stupid to think that she loved me for just me. These past few weeks, I thought that she was starting to see me—just Katniss. Not Katniss without Prim…”

I pull her to me as she crumbles. “I see you, Katniss. I’ve always seen you.” Pulling away, I cup her face in my hands. “I will never let you go. No matter what she says, you’re it for me. If I have to, I will take you away from here and I will promise to see no one else but you…forever.”

“Forever and always,” she whispers back, her watery eyes staring into mine. “We can do it, Peeta. If she could leave the Merchant side for my father then I can leave District 12 for you. No matter what she says.” Her face falls. “I just wish that she wanted to be part of _my_ life.”

“Katniss.”

We turn to see her mother in the doorway. Prim follows behind them, her eyes concentrated on her sister’s pained expression.

“Oh Mama…you’ve hurt her so badly,” Prim whispers. “All Katniss wanted was to be out of my shadow.”

Mrs. Everdeen approaches, stopping only a step away from her daughter. “I see you, Katniss.”

“No, you don’t,” Katniss responds in a tight voice. “You don’t even see me as a whole person. I’m nothing but a poor substitute for Prim. God, Mama…I tried. I tried to be as good with the medical things…tried to cook like her…clean like her.” She looks down. “In the end, I can’t be anyone but myself. Especially when myself is the person who loves Peeta with all her heart.”

“I never wanted you to be anyone but yourself,” her mother says in a soft voice. “I’ve watched you and I’ve noticed. Your empathy, your kindness, your strength…I’ve seen it all. I see the way you love, Katniss. But, I’m a mother and I’m not going to say that I’m okay with anything that puts you in danger.”

“I will never give Snow the chance to put her in danger,” I promise. “Why do you think I’m doing this? I’m doing this so I can love her freely. So I can give her children. Children who can play in the meadows of our District without the fear of having to kill one day. I’m doing this so you can love her freely and not worry that Katniss will be taken from you, too.”

“But you can’t promise that,” Mrs. Everdeen responds. “You can’t promise that she won’t be in danger.”

“I can’t promise that,” I admit. “But not trying to change things only gives Snow power. Don’t base your life or your feelings on one man’s need to control. Or else he’s already won.”

Mrs. Everdeen looks to me, a settled expression in her eyes. “Damn if you don’t make a good argument.”

“I’m going to need it, aren’t I?” I counter. “If I’m going to lead a rebellion.”

“With me by your side.” Katniss takes my hand. “Always.”

Mrs. Everdeen looks at our joined hands.

Finally, she takes both our free ones.

“Take care of each other,” she pleads. “Because at the end of the day, you’re just a man and woman, a husband and wife, made of flesh and bone.” The woman in front of us swallows her tears before continuing, her eyes on Katniss. “At the end of the day, you are my daughter.” Then, she looks to me. “And you are my son.” The tears fall from her eyes, now so clearly like Prim’s that I can’t help but feeling my own chest ache. “I can’t lose any more children.”

Katniss and I take her into our embrace.

++++++

“I think your mother is actually starting to like me,” I whisper into Katniss’ ear.

She chuckles before turning to meet my eyes. “We’re getting somewhere.”

Gale is at his house, preparing his family, just in case.

We are at Haymitch’s, spooned on his couch as we watch Jean and Rory at the top of the mountain. Rory sleeps soundly on Jean’s lap, her eyes focused on the darkness in front of her. One hand smooths down Rory’s unruly hair as the other grips the knife that she’s used so cunningly in her kills.

Still miles away, Athena and Tanner have set up camp. They spent a majority of their time sharpening their tools, a spear for Tanner and the long hook knife for Athena. Tanner remains on-guard as Athena sleeps.

Despite their alliance, Athena still sleeps with her knife in her hands.

Down to the wire, the Careers are looking out for number one—themselves.

“Thank you for standing by me.” My lips press to the hollow of Katniss’ neck and she shifts in her laying position. “It takes a special kind of woman to say that she’s going to leave everything just for me.”

Katniss turns to me, her head going to my chest. “Don’t get big-headed. It wasn’t all for you.” She reaches up to kiss my mock-pouted lips. “It was for me, too. This is bigger than either of us now. You are the voice of the people—their guide. I am Prim’s voice now. If she can’t represent herself against Snow, I will.”

“You are a brave person, my Queen,” I whisper. Moving over her, I kiss her deeply, tasting cake and a bit of juice from our visit with the Hawthornes. “Strong, smart, independent…you’ve always been this way.”

“Really?” Her quiet breathing warms my lips, causing my insides to twist at how close we are.

“How could I not fall in love with you?” I tell her. “I need someone to walk beside me, not behind. I need you.”

“I need you, too,” she tells me, her grey eyes now dark with want.

Katniss shifts until she is completely under me, my pelvis resting in-between her thighs and my forearms supporting my upper body just enough. The couch is long and thin, making it nearly impossible to move to either side. I feel her hands move along the waistline of my pants, gently unbuttoning them as her eyes remain on mine.

“Should we be doing this?” I ask her. “We’re supposed to be watching them.”

My eyes go briefly to the screen where Jean remains awake; neither alliance has moved from their spots and it’s likely that they won’t for the rest of the night.

It’s my only reasoning before Katniss pulls my zipper down gently, her hand reaching inside to take me in her grasp.

“Just for a moment,” she says. “I promise.”

Fumbling, my arm reaches to turn off the projector—just for a moment.

The temptation is just too great.

Katniss moves her bottoms off, kicking the thin fabric onto the floor and shifting quickly so I can sink into her soaked, pulsating heat. She gasps at the motion, her body used to me as we move hurriedly on the old couch.

Her arms encircle my neck pulling my mouth to hers, eagerly tasting one another. Her moans reverberate against my own, quickening our movements.

Our lovemaking is hurried, thirsting, and eager for a climax that we reach all too soon.

After, I reach to turn on the projector, suddenly feeling guilt-ridden for neglecting our duties.

Thankfully, all is the same with Rory and Athena still asleep and their watch guards at their side.

I meet Katniss’ eyes as she slips her bottoms back on and I zip back up.

Our eyes meet guiltily realizing what we have just done on Haymitch’s couch.

“Your couch looks like this one,” Katniss suddenly suggests, face flushed with embarrassment. “We could switch them.”

For the first time in a long time, I let out my first real laugh.

Because it is okay to laugh and smile, to hurt and cry…to feel.

Snow has no control over that.

The more I realize this, the more I know that he will never have control over me.

I lead my own life now.

++++++

Mr. and Mrs. McCrery, Jean’s parents, are older than all the other parents of District 12. It looks like Jean’s mother had her later in life. They are kind people, quiet and unassuming, who welcome me into their home graciously and offer me coffee.

When I tell them my plan, however, they refuse.

“This is our home, Peeta,” Mrs. McCrery tells me. Her greying hair was once Jean’s rich gold. “We’ve been here for almost thirty years. I won’t leave it because Peacekeepers threaten me.”

Their home is above their store. It is simple; only a baby picture of Jean on the mantle of the fireplace and cream paint on the walls. Jean’s parents serve me my cup of coffee as I sit on the upholstered chair in their living room.

“We know our daughter,” Mr. McCrery adds, his square eyes—his daughter’s eyes—gazing at me kindly. “Jean would not want us to let Snow boss us around. If she is the Victor, she will be the most unwilling Victor that Snow will ever encounter.”

“I can’t protect you,” I plead with them. “I can’t if you stay.”

The woman sitting across from me gives me a sad smile.

“Peeta, you can’t protect everyone, especially if they don’t want to be. We’re not budging from our home and our store. Jean will understand.”

“However, we support you, Peeta,” Mr. McCrery says. “We always have. The Capitol forced a bad hand on you and Prim.”

“Thank you,” I tell them.

“Jean admired you both,” Mrs. McCrery remarks. “She remembered seeing you with Gale and the Everdeen twins. I think she always wished to have that kind of camaraderie and was devastated seeing you and Prim enter the Games.”

I nod reluctantly. “You should be proud of your daughter. She is a very good Tribute.”

This is the only time that I see the couple waver.

“We’ve always been proud of her,” Mr. McCrery says. “Long before this, she was our Victor. The prize after years of struggling. Long after this, Victor or not in these Games—we will be proud. Peeta, we’ve already won.”

++++++

This doesn’t stop me from worrying for them.

“You can’t put this on yourself,” Prim says as she walks with me down the main road of our District. “It’s their home. They want to fight. It just like you insisting that your parents and brothers leave the bakery.”

“I’d want them to do that, too,” I mumble quietly. “But, you’re right. They wouldn’t leave either.”

Some of the townspeople wave at me as I walk by and I give them a smile. Prim watches them, laughing when a group of children circle me, asking me questions about Victor’s Village and my house. I insist that they come around after the Games so Katniss and I can give them cookies. They cheer before disbursing and waving goodbye.

“You’ll make a good father one day,” Prim says when we’re alone once more.

I turn to her. “Prim, can you feel it coming soon? The end?”

She contemplates my words for a moment before nodding, “Yes. It’ll be soon.”

“What happens to you after all of this is over?” I ask.

“I honestly don’t know,” Prim replies as we enter the archway of Victor’s Village.

“Are you scared of what will happen?”

“No.” She stops just as we get to my house, her usually light eyes solemn. “I’m ready for beyond.”

++++++

It happens quite suddenly.

Gale and I are playing chess on Haymitch’s table. Katniss is sorting through the last of Haymitch’s papers, organizing them into a system that she created over the time that we’ve resided in his home.

Prim is watching the screen intently when the time comes. “Peeta.”

My gaze snaps up to the projection just as Katniss and Gale look up.

In the Arena, Jean abruptly stands. “They’re here.”

Rory is at the ready, nocking his bow with an arrow as Tanner and Athena steadily approach them, wearing predatory grins on their smug faces. Opposite of Jean and Rory, they look much more powerful. Tanner is all muscle with dark round pools around his eyes while the golden-haired Athena is athletically slim with sharp ivy eyes.

Though not as appealing to the audience, Jean is strong and broad with a killer instinct in her eyes. Rory, a fan favorite, is the smallest of them all despite being tall for a kid his age.

“Who goes first?” Athena teases. Her eyes focus on Rory. “How about you, little one?”

Rory remains steady, his arrow fully drawn back and aimed at Tanner and Athena.

“Trust me,” he tells her. “You wouldn’t want that. I’ve been taught by the best.”

Athena grimaces, obviously annoyed at his rebuff.

“What about you, Tanner?” Jean counters. “Though I’m sure that you’re not adept to that spear. I’ve seen you miss more than once in the Training Center.” Tanner sneers at her and Jean lets out a short laugh. “I’ve been watching you, boy. I know every one of your weaknesses.”

“I’m not weak—”

“RORY, NOW!”

On Jean’s command, Rory releases his arrow. However, it’s not aimed at Tanner or Athena, but to the left of the two.

Gale shoots up from his seat. “What the hell?”

Swiftly, Jean launches at a distracted Athena thrusting her knife to the girl’s chest before yanking it out and savagely slitting the girl’s thin neck open.

The cannon sounds immediately.

Just as Tanner, who recovers from the diversion, drives his spear into Jean’s stomach.

My eyes close for a moment, remembering Rue’s face.

I open my eyes as Jean pulls the spear from her stomach and stumbles back into Rory’s arms. Tanner stands before them, a malicious grin on his pale blood-stained face. He approaches Rory as Jean grips the weapon that has given her the fatal wound.

“Give me my spear,” Tanner hisses at her.

“No,” she hacks out, blood escaping her mouth. Her stare remains strong but her eyes are rimmed with pain. “Wait.”

“Wait?” Tanner laughs at her request. “For what?”

The realization hits me, all at once. “Shit.”

_Rory’s soft counting from a few days ago…Jean throwing pebbles in different directions…the soft whispered words that we had so convincingly thought was a message to her parents…_

It was all a lie. It was a plan.

Jean has played the game better than all of us—even Snow.

The arrow that Rory launched has suddenly ricocheted off the force field.

Jean had clearly discovered it days ago as she tested it with pebbles. She would sing to herself as if she was playing a game and nobody had thought the better of it. No one considered that she would use the exact method that had made Haymitch the winner of the Second Quarter Quell.

The arrow plunges into Tanner’s side, likely puncturing his lung as he gasps out in pained shock.

It happens just as Jean stabs him with his own spear, right below his rib cage. Staggering back, Tanner looks at Jean and Rory, his eyes full of pure hatred and anger before they roll back into his head and he lands in a lifeless heap on the ground.

The cannon goes off.

“Jean, we’re going to die,” Rory suddenly says in a panic as he falls slowly to his knees with Jean in his arms. “There can’t be two Tributes—”

He stops as he sees her lifeless limbs and empty eyes.

His call comes out in a watery, helpless sob. “Jean…”

_“Ladies and Gentlemen, the Victor of the 76 th Hunger Games...from District 12, Rory Hawthorne!”_

Claudius Templesmith’s announcement is made as Rory closes Jean’s eyes and zips up her jacket, unaware that he is the winner.

He cleans the blood from Jean’s face and folds her arms across her chest.

There’s a moment of silence and I can see the Hovercraft coming to retrieve Rory as well as Jean’s body.

“Go home, Jean,” Rory says quietly, his voice just above a whisper. His eyes look up, focusing on the fake sky. It reminds me eerily of Prim’s final moments. “Follow the North Star.”

_North Star._

The same name that Prim called me during our Games.

Rory is calling everyone to arms.

“Go home, Gale.” I look to my friend. “Be with your family.”

My friend goes to me, his eyes full of tears. “Peeta, you did it. He’s alive.”

I pull him into an embrace. “We did it.”

He quickly rushes off after saying goodbye to Katniss.

I turn to Katniss, who gives me a soft smile. “It’s over, Peeta.”

Holding my arms out to her, she goes to me and I wrap my arms around her.

I don’t want to tell her that it’s not over. It’s just the beginning. Snow will come for me eventually, ready to make me his piece in this horrible game.

I will be ready for him.

Instead of saying all these things, I kiss the top of Katniss’ head. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she replies shakily. Pulling away, Katniss wipes her eyes, letting out a trembling exhale. “Prim must be thrilled.”

I look to where Prim sits.

The space is empty.

Prim is gone.

* * *

 

Was that what you expected? I don’t think it was close to how I expected it to go in the beginning. However, that’s how my mind tends to work, quite on the whim.

There is one more chapter left and then the epilogue.

I bet you’re wondering where Prim is.

As always, feedback and reviews are welcomed and wanted. Thank you for your support and love.

Next, Chapter Eleven: Look to the West

Until then, JLaLa


	11. Look to the West

The official final chapter, but wait…there’s an epilogue though it might be short. Thank you if you’ve traveled through this version of District 12 with me.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Chapter Eleven: Look to the West_

It’s strange.

Almost two years I’ve spent being the only one to hear or see her, depending on her to get me up in the morning and now she’s just…gone.

The slicing feeling of abandonment hits me.

And, seeing that empty space that Prim once occupied on Haymitch’s couch causes something inside of me to break.

“What’s wrong?” Katniss asks, seeing the expression on my face. “You’ve gone grey.”

“Prim…” There is a sudden quiver of tears as I speak. “She’s gone.”

Katniss looks to the empty space that I’m staring at. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t feel her anymore,” I explain. “Like, I’ve always had this feeling of her constant presence even if I couldn’t see or hear her. Now, nothing.”

“Peeta.” Katniss caresses my wet cheek, her eyes full of empathy. “I understand, love. I understand more than you realize.” Her own lips tremble and my arms reach out to pull her close.

If anyone is going to understand, it’s going to be my Katniss. Her other half is gone. The sister who had lovingly watched over her, even in the womb, left in one taste of a fatal berry. For a fleeting moment, Katniss had her back and now that everything has come to a head, Prim is gone.

“Katniss,” I whisper into her skin. “I know that I can’t replace Prim but maybe one day, you might let me into that little empty space in your heart that she took with her. Maybe one day, you might let me fill it with a piece of myself. Then you’ll have both of us with you.”

Katniss pulls away, her face shining with shed tears.

“You can’t,” she replies in a choked voice.

I falter but give her a smile. “I understand—”

“No, you don’t,” Katniss tells me in a rushed voice. “You’ve always had a space in my heart—longer than you realize. You don’t have to fill Prim’s space because there’s more than enough of my heart for both of you. Just like I know that you’ll have a space inside you that belongs to her. She is your friend and your sister. She took care of you and you did the same. I know that bond better than you realize.”

My fingers reach to touch the tip of her braid. “Are we going to be okay?”

“Of course, we are.” She take my hands, kissing my fingers so tenderly that the heated rush of love fills me with elation. “Prim wouldn’t have left if she didn’t think so.”

++++++

_One Week Later…_

 “You are a sought-after man,” Haymitch tells me. I’ve returned every night after Rory’s victory in hopes of a call. Tonight, the seventh night, the phone finally rang. “I have to say that I’m relieved to have you coming with me next time. There are some old friends who are excited to see you.”

“Is one of them Snow?” I joke though my jaw tenses at the thought of the man.

“Actually, I was surprised to find him waiting for me when I went to check on Rory in the recovery center,” Haymitch informs me. “He says that he’s looking forward to seeing you and that he is _ecstatic_ to hear how well you’ve recovered.”

“Huh.” My throat tightens hearing those words. “How’s Rory?”

“Dehydrated, but alright,” Haymitch says. “He has nightmares though, calls Jean’s name out. Cried for a day so I stayed in his room. Didn’t want to leave him alone, not even to take a piss.” There is a slight hitch in his voice. “Even when we try to keep them pure…”

“The Games can turn even the angels amongst us into demons,” I tell him. “Rory isn’t me though.”

“You’re right.” Haymitch pauses for a moment. “But, you can show him that there is hope after all of this. On the bad days, he’s going to look to you because you’re going to understand him more than anyone. You’re a survivor.”

“So are you,” I respond.

“It’s what we do,” he tells me. “How is it over there?”

“Quiet.”

Too quiet.

It’s only been a week and I feel the eerie electricity of Snow’s silence. No Peacekeepers have descended upon us. The Hawthornes and McCrerys remain in their homes undisturbed. Not even an inquiry at my home or at the bakery.

It bothers me, this stillness.

Because eventually, there must be noise.

“There’s nothing you can do for now, Peeta,” Haymitch tells me. “Getting paranoid will do nothing but worry Katniss, Gale, and your family—not to mention me. Wait till I get home then you go back to playing the reclusive, suspicious Victor.”

“I thought that was your job,” I retort.

Haymitch guffaws on the line. “See you soon.”

Hanging up, I turn to Katniss. She gives me a small smile from her seat on the couch.

“What did Haymitch say?”

I don’t answer and she nods in understanding.

Sometimes, there are things that don’t really need to be said. Katniss knows that when the time is right, I will talk.

Going to her, I hold my hand out and Katniss stands to join me. Together, we go through the house, turning off the lights in silence.

Afterwards, Katniss steps onto the front porch as I close the door firmly behind us.

“Peeta, look!”

I look up at Katniss’ call to see a flurry of fireflies in the courtyard and the gentle memory of Prim dancing among them graces my mind.

_“Give them the light, North Star.”_

The thought doesn’t make me sad—her being gone.

Because Prim is everywhere. She flies with the leaves, dances in the cool breeze, heats the fires that give the families of District 12 warmth, lights the fireflies, and is in the smile of the woman standing in front of me.

This woman who we both love in such different ways.

Prim is in my heart because she showed me how to love Katniss—through God’s eyes.

I can’t thank her enough for that. I don’t think that she’d want me to.

She would only want me to love Katniss with the unbreakable faith that was always in me.

I intend on doing that.

“Come,” I urge Katniss quietly.

Leading her down the steps, I take us into the thicket of fireflies and wrap an arm around her waist. Entwining our fingers, I guide her in a slow sway, humming a long-ago song along the curve of her neck.

Katniss presses her lips to my collarbone, igniting me with fire.

She is the only one who can do that.

“Marry me, Katniss.” The plea comes without a thought from deep within. I bring her to me, so close that I think we could almost meld into one being. “Please be my wife, please love me like I love you…I swear I will be the best husband…the best father…if you just say yes.”

She is quiet, her arms wrapped around my neck, her face pressed to my chest as I wait for her answer.

Then, I realize that Katniss is sobbing and as she slowly pulls away, I see the bright grin on her lips.

I can’t help but smile, seeing her radiant beauty. “Is that a yes?”

“It was a ‘yes’ long before you even asked,” she says in a thick voice. “It was a ‘yes’ when we laid out in the forest as kids and looked up at the sky together.”

Pulling her into my embrace, we dance together until the fireflies tire out and I carry her bridal-style into our home.

++++++

_Two Weeks Later…_

“You look happy,” Rye remarks.

“I am,” I respond, my palms pushing into the pliant dough.

Gregory enters from the front counter, joining me at the floured prep table. He gives me a smile, ruffling my hair affectionately before grabbing the rolling pin and some refrigerated dough from the cooling shelf next to us.

Together, we three continue on with our jobs in silence.

My mind drifts off to Katniss, who I left asleep in our bed, to work my Saturday shift.

We have kept our engagement a secret, only telling Haymitch during his next call. His reply was a slightly less gruff “Finally!” before informing me that he and Rory would be returning home this upcoming week.

We also told Gale, who took it with a solemn nod before mustering up a smile and placing a congratulatory kiss to Katniss’ cheek. It’s been three weeks since Prim’s been gone. Posy no longer talks about Prim playing with his hair. I think she might have forgotten that Prim was ever there.

However, Gale hasn’t forgotten. Sometimes I’ll see him reaching his hand to his shoulder, lingering on that spot where Prim had once placed her own hand to comfort him.

“You look happy,” Gregory suddenly says.

“I already said that!” Rye tells him. “However, our little brother is being evasive about the reason he’s smiling.”

Gregory tosses a snow of flour at Rye in exasperation. “Can’t you guess?” He nudges me with his elbow. “It’s because of that pretty little brunette that he’s been in love with since we were kids. She’s the reason that he lost that championship wrestling match at school.”

I let out a laugh. “I forgot about that! That’s what happens when the girl you’re in love with is persuaded by her sister to jump around every time you win a match.”

“Oh yeah, that was Katniss before she started wearing a bra!” Rye says with a grin.

This time I toss flour at him.

Gregory turns to me. “Looks like you two are doing well.”

“More than well,” I inform him.

“Really?”

“Yeah…” My hand steadies on the dough that I’m rolling out and I look to my brothers. “We’re getting married.”

I go back to my work, feeling the heat rising on my face.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told them.

Suddenly, I am being suffocated. “What the hell are you doing?”

Both of my brothers have engulfed me in a strong embrace, my body crushed between two very muscular men.

“We’re just congratulating you,” Rye reasons. “So when is this Victor’s wedding happening?”

Slowly, I pull away and meet both of their beaming eyes. “Before I have to return to the Capitol, I hope.”

The color drains from Gregory’s face. “But, I thought Haymitch and Dad—”

“I can’t hide forever,” I tell them quietly. “I don’t want to.”

“Then what?” Rye is unabashedly upset. “You’re just going to go to the Capitol and do what? Start a rebellion? Overthrow Snow?”

I don’t respond.

Because everything he is saying is true. Haymitch has explained that there is more than enough support. Many have been sending him messages of their willingness to be part of our cause.

“Well, whatever it is,” Gregory says after a moment. “I’m with you.”

I meet his eyes. “You are?”

“Of course…North Star,” he responds. My oldest brother leans in a little closer. “The Rebellion isn’t just in the Capitol.”

++++++

“Katniss!” I call out as I enter our house. “You won’t believe it!”

My brother, my father…leading those in District 12 who want to be part of the Rebellion. It all makes sense as to why Haymitch and my father always seemed to be in sync when it came to my protection. They communicated often, meeting in the back of the bakery.

Katniss had even run into them after a meeting. It was how she found out that I needed help.

I walk into the living room to find Katniss wrapped in one of the blankets from our armoire. She has obviously been crying, her eyes bloodshot and her cheeks scarlet. What surprises me is that in her arms is a golden-striped cat, a riotous mane around his neck and dark eyes that peer at me in interest.

“There was this kitten that used to come around our house,” Katniss begins as I sit down next to her. My hand reaches to pet the cat and it easily fits its head under my palm, purring at the motion. “Prim would always leave some of Lady’s milk in a bowl for it. And, I hated the damn thing…” She lets out a watery laugh. “Yet, Prim kept on taking care of it. She even gave him a name.”

I’m scratching under the cat’s chin. “What did she name him?”

“Buttercup,” she says quietly. “When Prim died, he just disappeared…” Katniss cradles the cat closer. “I searched for him everywhere. I asked Gale to keep an eye out. Then you came back and you were just a ghost of yourself so I gave up for a while. Instead of watching out for him, I started looking out for you.”

“Now, he’s back,” I say to her. “He must’ve missed you.”

“I was just walking back from seeing my mom and he was just waiting for me on the porch,” she tells me. “I let him in and it’s like he knew where everything was. He just kind of sat on the first step of the stairs for a bit before you came home.”

I don’t mention that I used to come home from working at the bakery to find Prim sitting on that first step waiting for me. I have to wonder if Buttercup had perhaps been in the house—that maybe Prim had been taking care of him while I was at work.

“Just seeing him brought up these memories of her,” Katniss says as she pets Buttercup affectionately. “Prim always said that I liked him more than I let on.” She gives me a sad smile. “I bet he’s wishing that I was her.”

“No.” I put an arm around her and she rests her head on my shoulder. “I think that he knew that you needed him.” The cat nuzzles against her chest to emphasize his point. “You see? I think I’m getting a little jealous myself. I thought I was the only one who got to rub my face on your chest!”

Katniss lets out a laugh. It’s the most beautiful sound in the world. I dream of children with her laugh and her smile, the two things that I cherish most about her.

“Can we keep him?” she asks me.

“Of course,” I tell her. Buttercup jumps from her lap, settling in front of the lit fireplace. “He belongs here.”

“You know…” Katniss’ head goes to my chest. “Pets are supposed to be a pre-cursor to children.”

I smile into her hair. “Tell me more—upstairs.”

Katniss doesn’t respond. Instead, she takes my hand and practically yanks me off the couch.

“Man the fort, Buttercup!” I call out as we rush out of the living room.

Katniss chuckles, her arms wrapping around my neck as we reach the stairs. She pulls me to her, pressing our lips together, and my arms encircle her waist to bring her closer, deepening our kiss.

We barely make it to our bedroom.

++++++

Rory is coming home tomorrow.

I’m filled with trepidation at his return.

Katniss can sense my tension as can her mother. My return to District 12 was not quite the victorious celebration that everyone hoped for. I can barely remember anything being said to me, my ears so filled with Prim’s voice along with the numerous drugs shot into me.

“This is a beautiful house, Peeta,” Mrs. Everdeen says. Her eyes look around. “All this time by yourself?”

I meet Katniss’ eyes. I’m not sure how much she told her mother. She shakes her head quickly before disappearing into our kitchen with the plates that she gathered.

“Sometimes Haymitch…and now Katniss,” I tell her. “Maybe you one day?”

She laughs and places her hand over mine. “I couldn’t leave my home. It’s where my husband and I built our lives and our family. Even now, I still feel him around me when I’m at home and sitting in front of the fireplace.” Her eyes go to the kitchen. “Also, I think that Katniss would much rather have some time alone with you once you’re settled and married.”

“Of course,” I respond quietly. Looking to her once more, I let out a small breath. “You know I’d do anything to protect her, right?”

“Yes. You watched out for both of my girls.” Mrs. Everdeen takes in a sharp breath. “However, my twins always knew what they wanted, no matter the consequences. I don’t blame you for what happened to Prim. She was always the obstinate one…and her number one priority was Katniss. Before she left, Prim begged me to not fall apart again, for Katniss’ sake.”

“And, now?”

“I’m not falling apart for myself,” she responds. “I want to be a good mother…and grandmother.”

++++++

We walk Katniss’ mother back to the Seam, stopping at the Hawthornes to give them some cookies and other baked goods that I’ve been teaching Katniss to make. She wants to start working at the bakery to eventually help the family business.

After saying our goodbyes, we find Gale waiting outside for us. His face is lined with sadness. However, he gives us a smile as we all begin our walk together.

“Anything weird going on?” I ask suddenly.

“Other than the quiet?” Gale shakes his head. “Nothing.” He looks over at me. “Are you going to be coming to the train station to meet them?”

I have been debating this for a while now. Showing up would only confirm my sanity. It seems however, according to Haymitch, that Snow is well aware of me being alright. Plus, I want to be there for Rory…and for Gale. He seems nervous about seeing his brother for the first time after the games.

I suppose that he worries that District 12 might have another alcoholic Victor like Haymitch or a recluse like me.

I have high hopes for Rory. He will be better than Haymitch and me.

Katniss halts her steps. “How did we get here?”

We find ourselves next to the fence that blocks District 12 from the forest. The same forest where we played Kings and Queens among the trees. The place where we told each other our deepest of secrets.

The forest where I fell in love for my first and last time.

“I don’t know.” I lift the fencing for Katniss. “Do you think that our trees are still there?”

She crawls under the opening with a wary Gale in tow. “We might as well find out.”

Together, the three of us travel through our forest Kingdom.

“It’s like being home,” Gale finally says. “I thought it would feel different without her.”

“I don’t always feel like she’s gone,” I respond.

There are times when I feel these small bits of wonderment and think that it’s Prim discovering something new through my eyes. When this happens, I can’t help but let myself absorb every detail, every bit of the sensation, just for my friend.

“It looks exactly the same,” Katniss says as we approach our clearing. She makes her way over to her tree to the left, touching her palm to the wood once she reaches it. “Like we were just here yesterday playing.”

Gale walks to his own strong, dark oak, his hand exploring the deep crevices of its trunk.

“Because the strongest armies rise from the Southern quadrant!” he calls out to me, his grin youthful. “We thrive on adventure, you know.”

I laugh in response, my feet carrying me to my own tree, opposite of Gale’s.

“That might be true,” I respond. “But the warriors of the North are full of wisdom. We know your tricks before you’ve played them!”

In response, Gale gives me the finger.

We all burst out in laughter.

It is so like our Southern King to be impetuous, full of fire.

We wouldn’t have him any other way.

“ _Let’s play a game!_ ” a bright voice suddenly calls out.

Immediately I, as well as Katniss and Gale, freeze.

“Prim!” Katniss yells out, looking around the fading light of the forest.

“ _Come and find me!_ ”

Her voice is everywhere, coming in every which direction, flowing through the trees and in the sounds of the forest.

“ _I bet you’ll never find me!_ ” Prim teases in a sing-song voice.

We jet out in different directions. I head up, looking around the trees for that bit of fabric of her dress. There’s a slight rustle of leaves and I follow the sound of it to my left.

I can hear Gale and Katniss calling for her.

It’s damn near impossible when she is all around us.

“ _Don’t give up!_ ” Prim shouts at me. “ _Think!_ ”

A sudden memory engulfs me.

_“North Star.” Her nickname for me. “What direction are you looking in?”_

_“The West. Always the West…”_

“Look to the West…” I breathe out her words. “Gale! Katniss! Look to the West!”

I run. I run even faster than I did in the Arena. Behind me, I can hear Katniss and Gale following on each side of me. My lungs begin to constrict, but I feel her call.

It’s so strong, practically magnetic.

Even if I want to give up, Prim won’t let me.

There is a sudden flood of sunlight as we approach a grassy meadow, saturated with gold, and my feet slow down on their own.

“Stop,” I tell Katniss and Gale. “Wait.”

We stare towards the setting sun and just as it hits the horizon, a shimmering outline begins to take life in front of us. The movement of air stops and we watch the outline fill into someone that we never thought we would see again.

A slim figure…golden hair…a pretty Capitol-made white dress…

Behind me, I hear Katniss cry out as Gale falls to his knees next to me.

She beams at us, a beatific smile on her face. “I’m so happy to see you again.”

“How long do you have?” I choke out.

“I think until sundown,” Prim responds as she approaches me. Her hand reaches to cup my cheek and I can feel the warmth of her palm on my skin.

My lips rise gently. “You’re real.”

“Thank you, Peeta—” she tells me. “—for being my friend, for being my brother, for protecting me. I hope you realize how important you are, not just for the cause but for Katniss…and Gale…and me. But, most of all—for yourself.”

“I do,” I tell her. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Of course,” Prim assures me. “I’m going to where I can watch over all of you. That place between sleep and dreams, that’s where I’m going to be.” She smirks. “Though, I will miss messing with you.”

I pull her into my embrace and take in the solidity, the realness of her being. I can practically feel her heart beating against my chest.

“Take care of them, okay?” she whispers against me.

I press a kiss into her soft, sunshine-scented hair. “Always.”

Pulling away, Prim flicks my chin playfully. “Chin up, North Star.”

Giggling, she walks away but the sound fades as Prim falls to her knees in front of a crouched Gale.

“Gale,” she calls softly. “Look at me, my love.”

His gaze rises to her and Gale reaches for Prim. She takes his hand and places it on her cheek to let him feel it before pressing a kiss to his palm.

“You’re even more beautiful than I remember,” he tells her.

“That’s how your heart sees me,” Prim whispers. “Thank you for that.”

“Prim…I love you,” Gale says thickly. “I’ve always loved you.” He tries to smile through his tears. “I just wanted you to know. I’ve always beaten myself up for never telling you.”

“Next time, don’t wait,” she advises. “I love you, too.” Her hands move to his shoulders, down his biceps, and to his forearms. “I was always watching over you even after I left. And, I’ll always be up there watching you.”

There’s a sudden snap as Prim’s yanks the red string bracelet on Gale’s wrist apart.

“But, you’re not bound to me anymore.” Her voice is anguished as she holds the broken bracelet in her palm. “You have to move on. Don’t let me be your unfinished business.”

I see the pain on Gale’s face. “Prim—”

He is abruptly cut off as Prim brings their lips together in a full kiss, her hands cupping his face tenderly.

When they finally pull apart, she rests her forehead to his.

You are my last kiss,” she tells him. “Always.”

The sky begins to darken as the sun sinks closer to the horizon.

Her time draws near.

“Prim.”

Prim stands as Katniss approaches her. Such opposites and yet, they look like they belong together. Like two sides of a coin, made of the same material yet baring different impressions.

“Katniss,” she greets her sister blissfully. Prim takes her hand. “Are you happy, Makidada?”

Katniss turns to me, eyes shining with an abundance of love, before looking back to her sister. “Yes.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you,” Prim tells her, her blue eyes solely on Katniss. “You are my heart.”

“Always,” Katniss promises, her voice shaky.

Prim takes their hands, pressing finger to finger, palm to palm together tenderly.

“You and me, Us never part,” Prim begins to chant.

They clap gently, before meeting palms once more. They are silhouetted in the purples and golds of the fading sun.

“You and me, Us have one heart,” Katniss continues, tears spilling onto her cheeks as they play their hand game.

The last bit of the sun lingers and Prim begins to waver. Despite this, she carries on with their game.

“Ain't no ocean, ain't no sea…”

“Keep my sistah way from me.”

Katniss sings this last line alone; the night taking the light of day and her sister.

Falling to her knees, Katniss lets out a wail of anguish and I rush over to her, pulling her onto my lap. She buries her face against my chest, her hands grasping my shoulders.

My eyes go to Gale, who sits staring at the horizon where Prim once stood and he wipes his tears before joining us.

Together, we embrace each other under the stars of the God-given sky.

++++++

It is after a long while that we find our way back to the wire fence.

Katniss looks exhausted, but she gives me a hopeful smile and a gentle kiss.

I’m sure we all look the same way—swollen-eyed and flushed.

“Now what?” Gale asks as we find our way back in the boundaries of District 12.

“I don’t know,” I reply, my arm around Katniss, holding her close and never planning to let go. “Time will tell.”

* * *

 

I’m emotionally exhausted.

“You and Me, Us Never Part, Makidada”, does not belong to me. “Makidada” means little sister, a term that Prim frequently uses and is from the movie version of “The Color Purple”.

The red-string bracelet is mentioned in Chapter Five.

Next, the Epilogue: Time Will Tell

Also, are you interested in a sequel? I hope you are. I’d like to write about their time in the Capitol.

Until the epilogue, JLaLa

 


	12. Epilogue: Time Will Tell

This is it. If you’re still hanging with me, then thank you. It’s been a pleasure writing this story for you.

The characters of The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me.

Look to the West

_Epilogue: Time Will Tell_

“Okay, so you’re going to take both ends of the dough and then just twist them.”

Katniss’ face scrunches in concentration, her expression determined as she takes the long strips of dough and begins to twist. My arms wrap around her slender waist from behind and she presses back.

My rough lips go to her neck and Katniss’ breath catches.

“You’re distracting me,” she responds under her breath.

Despite this, she twists the malleable dough carefully, determined to make it neat this time around.

The dough, however, has a different idea as it breaks apart halfway through.

“Damn!” Katniss turns to me, irritation in her slate eyes. “This is all your fault!”

I raise my hands in surrender, trying to hold back a smile. “You did much better this time.”

“What are we going to do with all of this?”

She waves her hand at the five or so attempts of twist bread that we’ve been working on since six in the morning.

We both woke after a short nap the night before, unable to sleep any further.

It’s hard to grasp that Prim is actually gone.

I know that it’s only been a day, but it was a difficult blow not seeing her at the foot of the stairs for the first time. For a brief moment, Katniss, Gale, and I had her back.

We were Kings and Queens of the Forest once more.

Then, it was over.

Buttercup was at least happy to see us when we returned to our no-longer-haunted home. He easily followed us up the stairs, sleeping at the end of our bed.

However, Katniss did kick him out in the middle of the night when she sat atop my half-sleeping body, bringing me inside her to guide us both into teeth-gritting endings. After, she rested her head against my chest in sated silence as I unraveled her long braid to run my fingers in the thickness of her floral-citrus tendrils, both of us lost in thought.

What would happen to us now?

“Hope,” I suddenly whispered into the dark air of our bedroom.

Katniss looked up, her eyes wet from her quiet tears.

I reached to wipe her tears away. “We have hope for better things, Katniss. I know we don’t know what will happen now but if we have one another, we’ll be alright. That’s all either of us can hope for.”

She moved herself up my body to kiss me, her gaze soft. “Thank you.”

We made love once more. This next time we went slowly, memorizing every little bit of our broken bodies.

I am no longer the boy she once knew. There are scars on the man that she loves, both inside and out. However, her tender spirit heals my open wounds every day, with each kiss and each bit of affection. I know that I am loved.

I worship Katniss. Her wounds are not superficial but they are just as deep as any one of the wounds I received in the Games. Her heart, so battered and bruised from losing Prim and me for that bit of time, is carefully cradled in my healing hands. Every kiss, every touch I give her is to string her broken soul back together.

We will take care of each other. We will grow together.

It won’t be easy but every dawn gives us another chance to hope.

“Tell me,” I begin just as the sun brings in the new day. The day of Rory’s return. “What do you want to do now?”

Katniss looks up from where she lays, her glowing naked body pressed against mine. “I want to bake.”

I turn to her. “What?”

“I need more practice,” she responds. “I need something to keep my hands busy. I can hunt in the mornings but what about the rest of the day? Mom has relieved me of nursing duties and I need to learn something new.” Katniss smiles lightly. “After all, the Capitol will want to know what a Victor’s wife does in her free time. Especially one from District 12.”

“You’re going to show them how beauty isn’t in Capitol makeovers,” I say to her. “You are a warrior. You lost your sister in the Games. Your fiancé is a Victor and—” I let out a heavy sigh. “—a mentor. Someone with those circumstances is an interesting commodity to the Capitol. However for those that know you, you are a fighter. Everyone is going to see that. Even Snow.”

“I’ll be ready when he comes for us,” she responds, her eyes firm. “I promise.”

Leaning down to kiss her, I give her a smile. “Should we get ready to go to the bakery?”

Now here we are, twisting bread together.

“We’re going to bake it,” I tell her. “It is still edible. Aesthetics are nothing if the taste is good.” I press my mouth onto hers, tasting black coffee and cream. “And, whatever we make will taste good.”

Katniss wraps her arms around my neck, her rose lips full in her smile, as she pulls me close for another kiss. I press her against the table and her pelvis pushes into mine while her hands grasp my hair.

We lose ourselves in the kiss, reveling in the scent of baked bread and the warmth of each other’s bodies.

“As much as I’d love to have a grandchild, I’d appreciate if said child wasn’t created on the table where we prep the pastries.”

We both pull apart to see my Dad as well as Gregory at the stairwell that leads up to the living quarters of the bakery. Katniss’ usually olive skin flushes with rosiness, the opening of her shirt revealing the crimson as well as the fact that I had unconsciously unbuttoned it during our encounter.

Dad walks over to us. “I’ll put the rest of the bread in the oven.” He looks at the twist bread. “Nice technique, Katniss. You learned much faster than Peeta did at this.”

“Hey!” I protest. “I was not good with my hands at first!”

“Well, you’ve gotten better with age,” Gregory jokes. “Katniss didn’t even notice what you were doing with her shirt.”

Katniss lets out an embarrassed yelp before fixing her shirt. She glowers at me. “You could’ve said something.”

“I’m sure that he just got caught up in the heat of the moment,” my brother assures her. “I mean, he didn’t even notice that you unzipped his fly.”

I pull my zipper up discreetly before glaring at my brother. “We’re going to go outside for a bit.”

Gregory smiles at Katniss consolingly. “You really did a great job with the bread, Katniss.”

“Thanks,” she mutters before running towards the back door, practically ripping it off the hinge, and rushing out.

“You’re going to pay for that,” my brother remarks. He pats my head mockingly. “Sorry.”

“This might help.” My father approaches and hands me a small box. “Belonged to my mother.” His face reddens. “For your engagement.”

I realized that my brothers probably told him while I neglected to share the news.

“It’s okay, Peeta,” he assures me. My father gives me a weak smile. “It’s been hard on you these last few days. I just want you to know that your mother and I are here for you.” I raise a doubtful brow at his mention of my mother. “She’s not the easiest woman to get along with, but she does care. When she’s in pain, she can shut people out, very similar to a certain Victor.” He eyes me. “It was her suggestion that Katniss might like this.”

Taking the box, I embrace my father. For all the times that I’ve let him suffer seeing me in such a bad state, he has never wavered.

“I hope that I’ll be half the father you are,” I say quietly.

“Just love them,” he responds in a tear-roughened voice.

Pulling away, I give Gregory and Dad a small smile. “Wish me luck.”

Quickly, I walk to the back door and open it. Stepping out, I join Katniss who sits on the back steps, her knees drawn to her chest.

“Sorry.” I look to her. “Are you mad?”

“No, just embarrassed,” she responds. “I don’t know why I let things get so out of hand.”

“Maybe because we love each other.” I take her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “For a long time, we were separated. Partly because we were too young to admit what we felt was real. Then, the Games took me away. We’re making up for lost time.” I place the small box in the space between us. “I know I am.”

“What is this?” she asks.

“It’s me promising to never waste any more time,” I tell her. “I love you, Katniss. I might not be able to tell you every day, but every day I’m going to show you.”

She opens the box and takes out the butterscotch-gold ring with a small pearl atop its delicate four prong setting. I remember the ring on my grandmother’s finger; an anniversary present from my grandfather before he passed on. She had been buried with her wedding band but had given this ring to my father for safekeeping until the right owner came around.

“I know it isn’t customary to have an engagement ring,” I start nervously. “But, it means a lot to me and to my family. This was my grandmother’s. She was a strong woman, similar to a certain dark-haired girl I know. You don’t have to wear it but my parents wanted you to have it as an engagement present.”

Katniss stares at the ring momentarily before holding it out to me.

She holds her left hand out to me, her smile bright. “Aren’t you going to put it on?” Easily, I slip it on her long finger and Katniss stares at it in awe. “I’ve never had anything that was just my own.”

“You have me. I’m just your own. No one else.”

Scooting over, Katniss cradles my face in her hands. “I am just your own.” She kisses me tenderly, leaving me breathless and aching to find a place for us to be alone. “I love you, Peeta. I can’t wait to be your wife.”

We grin to ourselves, lost in the hopes of a new day.

However, it is interrupted by the distant call of a train horn.

Standing up, we listen for a moment.

The Victory Train’s horn can be heard from at least one district over.

Rory is coming home.

++++++

The station is packed when we arrive but the crowd parts for Katniss and me. I greet the miners who have been given the day off to celebrate before walking to the front. The Hawthornes are already waiting and I give Hazelle a hug before going to an anxious Gale.

“It’s going to be alright,” I assure him.

Gale gives me a half-smile. “You sure?”

“If it isn’t, then we will figure it out.” I put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Together.”

He nods, his grey eyes solemn. “Together.”

I meet up with the McCrerys. Jean’s parents look a little older, a little sadder but they hold their heads up with dignity. I give Jean’s mother a hug and shake her father’s hand.

“How are you?” I ask carefully.

“There are days when we’re okay,” Mr. McCrery tells me. “But, there are days when it’s still hard to believe that she is gone.”

The same train that carries Rory also carries Jean’s body in another cart. I made arrangements to have her buried in a meadow within the District boundaries, surrounded in beautiful daisies which were her favorite flower, according to her mother.

“Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed,” Mrs. McCrery says. She gives me a tear-filled smile. “But, we just had to make sure Rory was alright.”

“Jean was the best of the Tributes. Be proud. She didn’t go down without a fight,” I say. “Panem saw that. It won’t be forgotten.”

I nod at the two and they respond in kind. My father has approached them about the Rebellion and they are willing to do whatever is needed in honor of their fallen daughter.

My stomach drops at the sound of the train approaching and my heart begins to race, drowning in my own memories of my homecoming. This return is met with thunderous applause and Katniss walks over to me, her fingers entwining with mine as we watch the train slow at the platform.

Gale meets my eyes and I nod at him in assurance.

We have to trust. We have to hope for better.

As the train halts, the door opens and Rory steps out in a navy suit, fitted to him perfectly. I see the difference in his eyes; he is no longer a boy, but a man. His eyes speak of the horrors he has faced.

However, it is quickly obliterated when his eyes go to his family.

“Mom!” Rory rushes down the platform and runs into his mother’s arms. Hazelle weeps in their embrace as the rest of the Hawthornes gather around them, wrapping the two together protectively. The crowd around the family cheers in happiness but the family is too enclosed in their own world.

However, Gale looks to me and smiles.

‘Thank you,’ he mouths.

I grin at my friend before looking to the platform just as Haymitch steps wearily off the train.

“Go.” I look to Katniss and she pushes me towards the stairs. “I’ll be here.”

Giving her a quick kiss, I wave my hand. “Haymitch!”

He looks surprised as I reach him and pull him into a hug.

For so long, I have neglected the fact that Haymitch has been there for me like no one else has. He knows better than anyone how it feels to be abandoned and alone. Like a father, he cared for me and nurtured me the best way that he could. Haymitch never pushed. He let me be until I was ready to confront my demons.

However, I never thanked him. I was cruel at times. When I hurt myself, I hurt him too. Yet he forgave me.

I can never repay him for that. I can only be there for him as he’s been for me.

“Peeta.” There’s a thickness in his warm greeting. “You look different.” We pull away and he looks me over, a contentedness in his slate eyes. “Better.”

“I am.” Katniss wanders over to us and I put an arm around her. “We’re better.”

He looks between both of us before bringing us to him in an unexpected embrace.

“I expect you both to give them hell in the Capitol,” Haymitch responds lightly.

We laugh through our tears.

“Ahem.”

Turning, I am surprised to find Effie standing behind us. She looks surprisingly shy despite the garish gold dress that she wears along with the matching wig. Haymitch leads her forward, his hand protectively on the small of her back.

I give him a knowing look which he chooses to ignore.

“Peeta,” he starts. “I should introduce you to the person whose phone we were using to communicate.” Haymitch looks proudly at her, affection evident in his gaze. “It was damn risky on her end.”

“Effie,” I breathe out. “Thank you.”

Her eyes fill and beneath the makeup I can see the blueness of them. I never realized how similar of a color they were to Prim’s.

“Darling boy.” Effie brings me into her delicate embrace, her voice shaky with tears. “I just couldn’t…not after Prim.” Pulling away, she holds my face in her hands affectionately. “And not after you.”

“Effie,” Haymitch interrupts. “I think Peeta wanted to introduce you to someone.”

I catch myself before looking over to a bashful Katniss. Taking her hand, I lead her to my former escort.

“Effie, this is Katniss Everdeen,” I begin. “Prim’s sister…and my fiancée.”

She immediately lights up at the sight of my Katniss.

“I see your sister in you but I see you, too.” Effie gazes at her in admiration. “Such a lovely pair…and you, my dear, will make a beautiful bride. I can see the dress already!”

“Oh, I don’t need anything too fancy,” Katniss responds bluntly.

Haymitch and I look to one another. This is where Prim and Katniss are clearly different. Prim handled Effie’s suggestions with sweetness, even when she refused. I know, as does Haymitch, that Katniss is by no means the same way.

“Nonsense!” Effie wraps arm around her shoulders, her other hand out dramatically. “You will be a Victor’s wife and not just any Victor’s wife. But, Peeta Mellark’s wife!”

Katniss puts her hand to her hip. “Yeah, so?”

“We’ll work on the elocution later but you must be prepared,” Effie says quickly, her eyes dreamy and unaware of Katniss’ indignant glare. I can almost see her planning the wedding already—and the parties that will follow after. “Cinna will design something magnificent for you! Chiffon...silk…and there must be sparkle. I will bring the team over!”

“I can fix myself up!” Katniss argues, her eyes flashing. Next to me, Haymitch holds back a snort. “I plan to wear my own things. So no Capitol dress will be necessary.”

However, Effie continues on regaling Katniss about fabrics and sparkling hair pieces that supposedly are the rage in the Capitol. Katniss is beet red when my mentor goes on about something called a ‘trousseau’ and asks whether it is appropriate for my fiancée to wearing ‘virginal’ white for the honeymoon.

The conversation halts when Rory approaches me.

He had just finished speaking to the McClerys, hugging them both before walking over.

We stand facing one another, almost matching in height but quite opposite in features.

Yet, there is the same light in our eyes. The light of a life that no one will ever understand.

A life in an Arena.

He holds his hand out to me.

“Peeta…” His slightly-deepened voice wavers. “…I….I…th—”

I take his hand before pulling him into a relieved embrace.

“I’m so proud of you, Rory,” I tell him. He breaks down at my words, sobbing into my shoulder as my own eyes water. “So, so proud.”

“I’m with you, North Star,” he says in-between tears. “Till the end. That last shot…Jean and I only followed Prim’s and your advice.”

My heart leaps at his words. “What was that?”

Rory pulls away, wiping his tear-stained face before meeting my eyes, straight and strong.

“Look to the West.”

++++++

_Spring..._

“Hold still,” Haymitch mutters as he adjusts my tie. “Effie gave me strict instructions to get this right.”

I smirk at his words. “Effie has you on a gilded leash, doesn’t she?’

Haymitch glares at me. “Remember, I control how tight this is around your neck.” He guffaws at his words. “So let’s not talk about who is going to be leashed.”

There’s a knock on the door and Gale awkwardly enters the bedroom in a Capitol-designed suit. I suspect that it is Rory’s though Gale’s brother is clearly not as tall.

“You clean up nicely, Southern King,” I remark as I smooth down the jacket that I wear. It is a simple dark grey with interwoven green thread, a request I made to represent Katniss’ favorite color.

“Yeah, well…Madge suggested navy would look good on me,” he mutters, a thin veneer of crimson on his masculine cheeks. “I couldn’t very well wear Rory’s Capitol Couture.”

I approach him, a smirk on my mouth. “Capitol Couture?”

“It was something that Madge was telling me about during the measuring and stuff,” Gale recalls. Reaching into his pocket, he produces a red velvet box. “From your future wife, a wedding token.”

Opening the box, I am surprised to find a Mockingjay pin sitting in the box.

“Let me,” Haymitch says. Taking the pin, he pins it to my lapel. “An interesting token.”

I look to the pin, its rusted gold complementing the warmness of my suit. “How so?”

“Mockingjays are a hybrid that was never meant to exist,” Haymitch begins. “A Capitol experiment gone wrong by mixing the mockingbird and jabberjay. When rebels got a hold of the jabberjay, they used it to their advantage by making it mimic false information to the Capitol. After, the scientists released the jabberjays thinking that they would just die off. They never expected them to mate with mockingbirds. Thus, the Mockingjay was born.”

He looks to me, his gaze serious.

“Snow let you go thinking that you were damaged, that you were just going to die out. He never expected you to live, to fight…and to marry a girl whose father’s singing voice was so beautiful that even birds stopped to listen. A girl’s whose singing voice is apparently just as melodic.”

It is true.

Katniss’ voice is lovely. When we work in the bakery, I often stopped to listen to her singing to herself. Many customers often remark about it if they hear her while I’m at the counter.

According to my father, it was how Katniss’ father wooed her mother.

“I expect that if you were to ‘mate’,” he says, a teasing tone in his voice. “Your children will be unstoppable warriors—a hybrid not meant to exist.”

++++++

Stepping out of Haymitch’s house with Gale, I look him over once more.

“It really is a very nice suit,” I remark. “Madge did a nice job.”

“Apparently, your escort sent her the pattern,” he tells me. “Anything for her Victor, including dressing me up in this get-up.” Despite his words, I hear the tinge of warmth in his comments. “Prim would’ve loved to be here.”

I look to him, my hand reaching to squeeze his shoulder. “Who says she isn’t?”

At Effie’s demand, I stayed at Haymitch’s for the night. It’s some sort of tradition that she insisted that we follow, going as far as threatening to stay over my home to ensure that Katniss and I don’t see one another. Quickly, Katniss recruited her mother to sleep over as well as Madge, who would help out with dressing her.

I was surprised when Cinna and Portia’s creation arrived at Victor’s Village; the large box being delivered personally to our living room with a congratulatory note. Katniss eyed it suspiciously for days before her mother, my mother, and Hazelle insisted that she give it a try.

They shooed me off to wait at Haymitch’s as Katniss tried the gown on.

When I returned, she was back in her normal clothes but had decided to accept the present.

I look up just as our front door opens and Katniss’ mother steps out along with Madge.

Then, there’s Katniss.

She is radiant as the sun.

Her crème top is sleeveless though there is some jeweling atop her shoulders. A slight sweetheart opening reveals the slight swell of cleavage. However, the delicate ruching along the bodice keeps it elegant and pretty. Her gown flows out into layers of chiffon going from pale coral to the color of the richest sunset.

The color of the sunset that we saw Prim bathe in during our last goodbye.

As well as my favorite color.

Katniss’ raven waves rest on her shoulders, the front tendrils pinned back by a simple brooch that I recognize as her mother’s.

She meets my eyes and I can’t breathe, her smile so beautiful that it’s knocked the wind out of me.

“Let’s get you married,” Haymitch says, who has appeared from inside the house.

He claps my back and leads me down the steps to meet Katniss in the middle.

Katniss smiles shyly at me, her hand reaching to touch the Mockingjay pin before looking to me once more.

“It looks good on you,” she remarks in a breathy, nervous voice. “Do I look alright?”

“You are perfect,” I tell her. “That dress…I mean, you would look beautiful in anything but seeing you in that just makes it all the more real.”

Katniss toys with a bit of the skirt. “I didn’t think that I would feel like anything but awkward in a gown. But, when I tried it on for the first time, I knew that this was the monstrosity that I would be marrying you in.” She looks over at Haymitch, her trademark glare taking over her pretty face. “Don’t you dare tell Effie.”

“You can thank her when she arrives later,” Haymitch responds with a smirk. “You do look very lovely, sweetheart.”

“Thanks,” she says to him, a smile returning to her lips. “You want to give me away?”

Haymitch looks surprised though he nods. “Okay.” He offers her his arm.

We had talked about it a few days before, how we wanted Haymitch involved. He is like family to Katniss and me. There was no way that he wasn’t going to participate.

Taking Katniss’ free hand, I take a deep breath and give her a smile. “You ready?”

“Yes,” she responds with a grin and squeezing my hand. Katniss hugs her mother and I give my soon-to-be mother-in-law a hug before we begin making our way towards the archway of our small cul-de-sac with Haymitch. Gale follows behind as he will be our witness at the Justice Building.

“Katniss!” Madge calls out as we begin our walk. “The train!” She rushes over to fix the back of the dress. Our friend looks over to Gale. “You’ll need to hold this up. It’s going to get wrecked as she walks through town.”

Gale looks to us in panic as he shakes his head. “Uh…I—”

“Why don’t you come with us, Madge?” Katniss asks, looking over her shoulder. “I don’t know if Gale quite gets the whole logistics of holding up a train. Plus, I really want you to be our other witness, too.”

Madge blushes prettily. “Alright.” She gathers the train before we continue our walk.

I lean towards Katniss, my mouth to her ear. “We don’t really need another witness.”

She shrugs and my gaze travels over to where I see Gale talking to our newest wedding guest. Katniss’ eyes meet mine solemnly.

We both want our Southern King to be happy and Madge might just be the girl who makes that happen.

As we get to the center of town, all activity stills. Everybody watches our procession walk slowly down the dirt path. We must look different: two Victors, a bride from the Seam and a Merchant groom with attendants, one in a suit and the other in a simple flowered dress and blue cardigan.

I look to the bakery and see my parents as well as my brothers stepping out onto the storefront. We will see them later to celebrate before Katniss and I do our private toasting. My father’s proud smile causes my eyes to water. My mother’s solemn gaze is interrupted with a slight shimmer of tears in her eyes. Gregory and Rye give us excited grins as we head closer to the building.

We continue through town, noticing that the men wearing hats remove them in respect while each woman nods. The children halt their playing to look in awe, especially at Katniss in her dress. My bride looks as if she is floating in her gown and she smiles gracefully causing each person to take in a breath at the sight of her.

It is all too soon that we find ourselves at the Justice Building.

Yet at the same time, it has been a long time coming.

“Let’s go, Mr. Mellark,” Katniss suddenly says, squeezing my hand. “Time to make it official.”

I bring her hand to my lips, kissing her knuckles. “Can’t wait, Mrs. Mellark.”

++++++

_Autumn…_

My hand goes to each picture frame on our mantle. Each one holds a special memory for Katniss and me.

The first photo is at the rather large wedding reception that was unexpectedly held in the courtyard of Victor’s Village.

After the license was signed and we made our way back to our home, we were surprised to find the tables of food and pastries around the courtyard. My parents along with Katniss’ mother and the Hawthornes invited the town to celebrate our marriage.

For one night, the Seam and Merchant lines were crossed as we feasted on cakes from the bakery and food provided by Effie, who had come all the way from the Capitol to join the reception.

Katniss and I were surprised when Haymitch presented the simply made-up woman with the blonde hair in a chignon as my former escort. I was doubtful about the identity of woman in the stylish blue dress until she told Katniss to straighten her posture, much to my wife’s dismay.

It was even more surprising to see her and Haymitch dancing with one another to the simple bluegrass tune that the band, consisting of mostly miners, played.

They make a very graceful couple.

Though neither will admit to any sort of relationship.

That night, I also watched Gale offer his hand to Madge so that she wouldn’t remain a wallflower. I watched my pretty golden-haired friend make my Southern counterpart laugh as they danced awkwardly together.

Despite everything, Katniss and I still hurt for what he and Prim never had. However, we hope for Gale to find his happiness. Maybe it will be with Madge but for now, we know that our friend is not willing to reveal anything to us.

Last week however, I did catch Madge sitting with Gale during his lunch hour at the mines. I watched her reach over to wipe a sliver of something off his face and when she wasn’t looking, I saw him place his hand to the spot she touched.

It is not lost on me that there is hope for something to grow between them.

The picture on the mantle that I hold is of Katniss and I dancing our first dance as husband and wife, my arm wrapped around her waist and the other hand holding hers.

My gaze never left hers and her own never left mine. We wrapped ourselves in happiness and hope, protected in the love of our families and friends. We are watched over by those who support the cause and are willing to fight when the time comes, those who are willing to guard their leader.

District 12 welcomed me back that night.

I was forgiven.

That night, even my mother danced with me, clinging tighter than I’ve ever remembered being held by her. I suppose it was easier for her to not feel the pain of my absence during the Games if she didn’t feel at all. So, she had shut me out.

The night of my wedding, however, I felt her love, her worry and anxiety of what will happen to her Victor son.

I forgave.

I pick up the next picture. It is a hand drawn one, created by myself, of Katniss and Prim as young girls.

Painting and drawing help drain away the fears and anxieties that plague me.

Not long after our wedding, we received a present: a dozen white roses in a crystalline vase.

Snow’s emblem on the envelope was presented with the bouquet, his message written personally.

It simply said: _Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Peeta Mellark_.

Despite the docile message, I saw right through it. Roses remind me of him, memories of his rose-scented being telling me that I was a worthless, drugged-up Victor.

He wants me to remember his presence. How could I forget?

That evening, I flew into a rage.

I only remember taking the vase and hurling into the middle of the courtyard, stomping on the glass and thorny stems until Haymitch and Gale dragged me away, the thin soles of my shoes punctured leaving my feet a bloody mess.

Katniss, patient woman that she is, cleaned my wounds and drew me a bath to relax my aching body. She wasn’t angry, only breaking down when I wrapped my arms around her in our bed, later that night, and begged her not to leave me.

“We made promises, Peeta,” she told me, her smoky eyes burning at me in the cool darkness. “I’m never leaving and neither are you. Wherever you go, even in your mind, I will find you. I made you that promise during our toasting.”

That small intimate moment in front of our fireplace meant much more to us than the actual wedding.

Feeding Katniss the piece of toasted bread meant that I would take care of her for the rest of our lives, I would keep her nourished in my love. She promised the same, feeding me a rather larger piece.

Katniss was very proud of the loaf that she made for us, finally perfecting the Mellark baking method after months of practice.

My outburst had also been witnessed by the Hawthornes; the family had moved into the house next to mine and Katniss’.

Rory came the next day with Posy who gifted me with a picture that she had drawn of Buttercup to cheer me up. Together, I helped her color in Buttercup’s golden fur and before they left I found myself much calmer.

After, Rory presented me with an art kit that he had found among the presents from his adoring Capitol fans.

“You need to get everything out,” he explained when he came by to give me the art kit. “You have to temper that fire for now. Leave that anger for Snow because he deserves it. Don’t take it out on the people who love and care for you.”

He is still young, not even sixteen, but there is a wisdom in his young eyes. When Rory speaks, you want to listen and I hope that I can have that same charisma in the Capitol.

For now, I paint, I bake, and I make to love to my wife. That is how I move through my mostly peace-filled existence in District 12.

I know it won’t be this way forever.

There is one room upstairs that is full of nothing but my paintings. I paint images that fill my nightmares and others that fill my more peaceful dreams. A bittersweet image of Rue, dressed in flowers, sits in a corner along with one of Prim in her white interview dress. Jean’s picture is in progress. I plan to give it to the McCrerys when it’s complete.

Katniss thinks I have an artistic eye and a nose for beautiful things.

When she allows me to draw her without a stitch on do I finally understand what she means.

Because there is nothing more beautiful than the orange glow of an evening fire on my wife’s rich olive skin. I draw picture after picture of her as she lays naked in front of the fireplace with nothing but her warm smile and her penetrating gaze.

My charcoal pencils expertly draw the roundness of her hips and the dip of her slender waist. They fill in the duskiness of her nipples and pertness of her breasts while skimming delicately in-between her thighs.

Her raven hair spread out on the blanket she rests along is always my undoing.

When I am spent in drawing, I join her in all her nude glory and bring us together until we are both spent, panting and basking in the afterglow of our joining. Her blushing body is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.

The hand-drawn picture on our mantle was a present for our six-month wedding anniversary. I make a note to bring it with me when we make our way to the Capitol.

My time comes quickly.

In two weeks, the Reaping will take place.

We will be off to the Capitol with Effie and Haymitch as well as two fearful Tributes.

Hopefully, we will find some way to disrupt this whole thing before they even get into the Arena.

There is a door slam. “Peeta!”

I respond immediately to Katniss’ anxious call, going to the entry way. She is grey-faced as she holds her hunting bag in one hand.

Buttercup, from his step on the stairs, greets her, sniffing the satchel curiously.

“What’s wrong?” I take the bag from her and leading her to the kitchen, I make her sit down before placing the hunting bag on the counter. Taking the pitcher from our icebox, I pour her a glass of water before joining her at the table.

She gulps down the water before meeting my eyes. “Peeta, something is wrong.”

“Did someone say something to you?” I ask immediately. “One of the Peacekeepers?”

They had recently descended into the District 12 in preparation for The Reaping along with Thread, their leader. He met me as well as Haymitch and Rory, a few days ago, along with our families.

His gaze lingered a little too long on Katniss.

“No.” She meets my eyes, panicked tears in her own. “I’ve missed my period.”

“What?” I look to her abdomen, seeing nothing out of the ordinary though the hopeful realization is not lost on either of us. “Are you?”

“I don’t know,” Katniss replies, her face red. “I suspected that I might be. I didn’t tell you in case it was a false alarm. But, this morning as I finished emptying the traps, I threw up.” She looks to me worriedly. “Are you mad?”

“Mad?” I push aside my chair so I can kneel before her, my arms around her waist and my face pressed to her stomach. “Never. I’ve wanted nothing but to give you children. This is the only wish that I’ve asked for.”

She kisses the top of my head. “Me, too.”

++++++

My mother-in-law listens to Katniss’ abdomen searching for the heartbeat of her grandchild.

From the information that Katniss told her, she suspects that my wife is about two months pregnant, enough time should have passed for us to hear a heartbeat.

The first part of the exam was a thorough examination. Katniss’ grimaced as her mother gave her a breast exam as she’s been feeling some tenderness in her chest.

My mother-in-law has given her some supplements to help with the nausea that comes at all hours of the day.

I worry about Katniss coming on the train and to the Capitol but she is insistent.

We will not be separated; we made this promise during our toasting as well.

“Is everything okay?” I ask worriedly.

My mother-in-law gives me a gentle smile as places the listening glass on the table next to her.

“You have seven or so months, Peeta. Try not to stress yourself out. However, I’d like to talk to you both about something.”

Katniss sits up from the exam table. “What’s wrong?”

“You are alright,” her mother reassures her. “I heard something and I just wanted to make sure that I was hearing the right thing.”

“Mom, please.” I sit next to Katniss and take her hand. “The Reaping is coming up. We’re both worried that once Effie finds out, she’s going to throw some party and arrange even more interviews for us.”

Our schedule is packed enough and we will have to notify Cinna and Portia about our little one, so they can make the necessary wardrobe arrangements for my wife. Katniss and I are not quite ready for the whole world to know our precious secret.

“There are two heartbeats,” she informs us. “I should’ve thought about it earlier but I thought that the gene might skip a generation…”

“Two heartbeats?” Katniss repeats as I let out something between a surprised yelp and a happy shout.

“Yes, Katniss.” Our mother smiles at our astonished expressions. “You’re having twins.”

* * *

 

Are you upset? If you are, you’re not alone.

However, if you just push the next button, you should be getting a preview of “North Star”, the sequel to “Look to the West”.

I don’t know if anyone noticed, but during the standoff in the Games that Rory shoots to the left--as to the West. So when Rory tells Peeta that he and Jean took his and Prim’s advice, he means that he followed the direction that they always did. The West.

I know there are questions. Please message me on Tumblr or on FFn or AO3. However, if you’re a guest on FFn, it won’t be able to be answered.

I will be moving forward to TIPY in the upcoming weeks though the first chapter of “North Star” will be coming in December.

Thank you for all your feedback for this story. It was pleasure writing it.

Till the next story, JLaLa


	13. Preview: North Star

North Star

_Chapter One: The Reaping_

Katniss grips my hand tensely as we stand together on the stage along with Haymitch. I look to her and squeeze her hand back in comfort, my gaze going to her still-flat abdomen.

It won’t look that way for long as Katniss has already developed a small bump due to our two growing babies.

Today, we were able to cover up her pregnancy with the navy dress she wears and so far no one has suspected anything.  We did tell Haymitch so he could cover for us should Katniss suddenly become ‘indisposed’. Though he grumbled over our lack of proper birth control, I did catch a wisp of a smile on his lips over the thought of the two new occupants in the Mellark household.

Despite the worry, we are elated.

Katniss and I have always wanted to have children and after only seven months of marriage, it has happened.

Since we found out, we have spent our time introducing ourselves to the little ones. I read somewhere that children can hear, even in the womb. We want them to know who their parents are.

I want them to know that I’m their father. I tell them I’m not the easiest person to live with; I can have fits and unexpected bouts of rage, but I would never cause them pain. I am in love with them already.

I don’t want them to be afraid of me.

I make many mistakes, but I would never hurt them or Katniss.

My reverie is broken as I realize that Effie has called the male Tribute up.

Our boy tribute, Adam, is fifteen and from the Merchant side. I think I’ve seen him around but I can’t quite place where. He looks friendly, which will be good for sponsorship, and strong-bodied for someone his age.

However, I have to school my expression when our female tribute’s name is called and a small girl with golden hair makes her way to the stage. Katniss is effected as well, her grip tightening on my hand; the girl looks eerily like Prim.

The young girl is pale and shaking as she begins her ascent up the stage steps and I’m afraid that she’ll be pass out on her way up.

“I VOLUNTEER! I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!”

The familiar voice shakes me to the core.

Katniss is on the verge of tears seeing Madge Undersee rushing to take the young girl’s place.

Not her. Anyone but her.

Especially for Gale’s sake.

Madge brings the little girl back to her mother before ascending the stage.

I forget that my friend is still eighteen. This would’ve been her final year.

As her birthday is next week.

Katniss looks over at me, her hand moving over the small bit that is our children. We have even more of a reason to fight—for them.

Like Haymitch said, our children will be a hybrid of Katniss and me, full of my fighting prowess and Katniss’ charms. They will be the one thing that Snow will never expect yet the one thing he will covet.

Because if he has them, then he will have Katniss and I.

Snow will have me.

After presenting our two Tributes and having them shake hands, Effie escorts our two Tributes to say their final goodbyes.

I look to an ashen Gale, nodding to the Justice Building where I know Madge will be with her family.

He should say goodbye.

“Mr. Mellark, Mrs. Mellark.” Katniss and I look to see a Peacekeeper standing before us, expression hidden under his headgear. “I will be escorting you to the train.”

We nod and I give Katniss a small smile as we walk towards the station with our armed escort.

“Ladies and Gentlemen,” Haymitch mutters from where he walk besides us. “Welcome to the 77th Hunger Games.”

* * *

 

 

Expect the completed chapter in December!


	14. Outtake: Fallen Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This drabble takes place during Peeta and Prim’s time in the Arena and is briefly mentioned in Chapter Seven.

_The characters of the The Hunger Games Trilogy do not belong to me._

Fallen Queen, A Look to the West Outtake

_“Makidada…”_

I don’t know why I spend my time watching them in that cave. Prim looks listless, tired, and weak, the dark circles under her sunken eyes haunting my nightmares.

Despite this, it brings me comfort when she calls my nickname, at least I know that she’s alive.

“Prim, when can we go home?” His soft voice echoes in their cave. “I want…I want…Ka—” My gaze goes to his fevered body, lying on the cold, hard ground as he rests his head on Prim’s lap.

“Shhh…” Prim whispers, her hand going to his forehead. “You have to rest. I know what you want.” There’s an assuredness in her eyes. “Don’t worry, I hear you, Peeta. Till the end.” She drifts off, her eyes concentrated on bringing our blonde-haired friend’s fever down.

I stand around with the rest of District 12 as we watch our Tributes. My sister, so lovely, under the firelight that she built with the last of their dry wood. Peeta, though fevered from an infected stab wound, is just as handsome though his jaw is locked in pain.

“They really look beautiful together,” one of the older Merchant women says to someone beside her. “Despite her being from the Seam side, she could easily be one of us. Just think—if they win, they would be given a Capitol wedding.”

“Peeta is a sweet boy,” her companion remarks. “He’ll make a good husband and father.”

That hurt.

Because I can take the remarks about the golden beauty of District 12 Tributes.

What I can’t take is the thought of him being someone else’s husband.

I know that Prim doesn’t think of Peeta in any way other than a friend. I hope he feels the same way.

Because every look we’ve shared wasn’t just friendship.

Peeta should be mine.

Because I am his.

Whether he knows it or not.

“You hear that crap?” I find Gale standing next to me, his eyes on the screen above us. “Like those two would ever get together.” He crosses his arms, glaring at the women that were speaking. They quickly walk off at his icy glare. “Prim would never.”

He fiddles with the red bracelet around his wrist. My sister spent weeks working on the skinny band, braiding its thin tendrils and securing the knot to Gale’s specific wrist measurement.

“Neither would Peeta,” I respond brusquely.

Turning, I push through the crowd.

Who cares what the townspeople say? To them, I am nothing.

However, to the two people on that screen, I am someone.

I am Prim’s twin, her younger sister by only minutes. Her heart beats in-sync with mine.

Sometimes I think that if she dies then so will I.

To Peeta, I am his friend—his loyal Western Queen.

I still remember the moment I realized that I wasn’t going to be anyone else’s—only his. We were twelve and in the middle of our Kingdom, we laid together among the trees. My hand reached to brush that new roughness on his chin, welcoming that blossoming of manhood emerging from Peeta.

He would be a handsome man, I already knew.

His hand went to brush a stray hair from my face and that softly-singing hunger that always hummed in his presence burst forth in a full song at his touch.

This kind of feeling just doesn’t happen with just anyone. It only happened to us.

I find myself sobbing against the fence that blocks off our Kingdom.

Here I am, a Fallen Queen.

“Katniss…” I look up to see Gale looking at me piteously. If there anything I hate, it’s pity. “Are you really going to let those women get to you?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it either,” I spit out at him, tears and anger rushing out of me. “I know they’re loyal but one of them could die, Gale. If not one, then maybe both.” I feel a sob rise from my throat once more. “Peeta…Prim…I-I just don’t know what is going to happen to—”

Gale is suddenly pressing his mouth against mine. It happens so quickly that I can’t even react to the strange sensation.

This wasn’t at all how my first kiss was supposed to go.

I jerk away and stare at the boy before me. “How could you?”

Gale looks confused for a moment. As if he had no idea as to what he had done to me—and to Prim.

“Katniss…I just can’t get her out of my head,” he responds in a sad whisper. “And, I thought if I can’t ever have her kiss than yours is a good enough second.”

“It shouldn’t be just good enough!” I argue.

I want to hit Gale. I want to yell at him. I want to tell him that I had nothing to offer Peeta but the chance for him to know that I am his only one because he is mine.

Gale took that from me.

“I’m sorry,” Gale says, his grey eyes anguished. He crumbles before me. “She’s supposed to be mine.”

“And, I want to be his,” I respond. “I will be his, even if he never knows it.”

I look to the forest, stepping under the wire that is never on, and I run.

I know Gale won’t follow. He’s messed up and he’s going to wallow; it’s what I detest most about him.

I run all the way to the end of the world.

Or, at least where my world ends.

Our Kingdom.

I go to my tree, my beautiful Westward Birch and rest against it, trying to steel myself from the inevitable.

Peeta and Prim might die. Or, one of them will.

Or, if we are truly lucky, they both live.

However, are they going to be the same people? Will they still love me the same way? After all that is said and done?

Without them, there is no reason for me to keep going.

“I’m sorry,” I say into the quiet air, the cold causing the tears on my face to feel like ice. “I’M SORRY!”

As if they can hear me.

I feel like I’ve been gone as soon as they entered that Arena, anyway.

I look at Peeta’s tree and then Prim’s, as if they are substitutes for the actual beings.

“Whatever happens,” I say wearily. “I’m still going to love you both. Always.”

Wrapped in the protection of my throne, I sleep.

**Drabble requests are always welcomed. My next one will involve a painting scene described in the epilogue.**


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